First and foremost: hello. My name is Cait. I've been writing for quite a few years. However, I'm having some trouble. I'm writing s bit of a story and you can think of this situation being a Lily Buchanan and Jay Gatsby sort of moment. Person A is fixing to tell Person B that they've been having an affair with Person C and they're moving out to go live with this person. In the past, Person B has been physically and verbally abusive to Person A (hence the leaving). In this entire situation, Person C is beside Person A and after Person A tells Person B, they plan on being a talking distraction while Person A packs their items. My main question is; how would you have Person A tell Person B they're leaving them without sounding too corny or long about it?
This might be a bit direct, but how about, "I'm leaving." It's not long, though it might be a little corny. But there is a bigger issue here: Why don't you know what your character would say? How could we, who have no idea who your character is (not even the name or gender), know what Person A would say?
Cait: I think the important thing here is that you know your characters, and how the information is told to the other character is going to depend on that. Some people might be long-winded and corny. Others might be direct. Some may try to soften the blow while others are harsh. The characteristics that you've created for Person A will determine how he or she presents the information to Person B.
I agree with the other posts; we'd need more information about the characters to know for sure what the best way to express this would be. I think the best advice is to make sure you know your characters well enough so that you can make a decision. However, based on the information you've given me, I would say something like: 'I just don't love you anymore'. It's not the most original, but it is direct and realistic
Hello, Cait. Welcome to the forum. Is "Cait" short for "Caitlin"? Just curious. I could give you some suggestions, but the truth is that this is one of those things that you really need to work out for yourself. As Steerpike said, no one knows these characters as well as you do. So, I can guarantee that if you dig deeply enough into who they are, you will be able to come up with how they handle this in a much better fashion than we ever could. If this is the first writing dilemma you've encountered (or at least the first that you haven't been able to work out), then going through the process yourself without seeking outside help will do wonders for you as a writer, because if you are serious about writing, you will encounter many, many more problems far more intractable than this one. My only advice is not to worry about it being corny. Write what you think is the best way to do it, then walk away from it for a day or two. Maybe read something completely different. Then, when you come back, if you really think it's corny (and you won't be able to avoid it if you do), sit down and analyze what it is that makes it that way, and what you think would make it less so. Write down a list of aspects, if you need to. Then go. I'm writing (as a number of folks on this forum already know and are probably tired of seeing) a historical novel that I honestly believe will be the one. I've been stuck now for three weeks on one chapter because I felt I was just trying to cram too much into it. I finally walked away for a time - got into some arguments here, which was a sure sign that I was out of sorts - and finally took out a copy of A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy which I had bought but hadn't gotten around to reading. Then I went back to my notebooks and started reworking timelines. It suddenly jumped out at me that the timelines for two chapters were wrong and that if I made one chapter a little longer (in terms of time) and cut some in between, the other chapter would work out just fine. Now, I'm off to the races again. But there isn't another person in creation who could have settled that for me. Only me, because it's my story. Hope this helps.
Depending on whether this character is submissive towards person B naturally, it might be best for Person C to also be involved in the stating of the moving out. But, if Person A is confident in their decision, a direct "I'm leaving" would probably be best.
