1. As we prepare our forum for the eventual upgrade to XF2, the blogging system may undergo so changes. Read More Here.
    Dismiss Notice

Viewing blog entries in category: General Writing

  • TheLeonard112
    Describe a real made-up dream or nightmare.

    I laid on the ground outside of my house. The green grass shined as the dew caught the light of the sun. Staring up at the bright blue sky my body could was stuck motionless. For some reason every limb I had was out of my control, even my eyes were stuck in place. I could not stop myself from peering into the light of the sun that covered the Earth. The glare shined off the cars on the road and the sound of nature around me seemed to put fear into my body. Once I finally regained control of my eyes I turned away from the sun as quickly as I could. No matter how I tried not to focus on my situation I begun to panic because I couldn't stop feeling the sun burning my eyes. I felt as if my entire body was going to burn. I regained control and stood up. On my feet I turned toward my house. The door was wide open and nothing could be seen, only darkness. The darkness comforted me and pulled me closer. I ran into my house and slammed the door as I awoke. The darkness hides the evil, but everything is visible in the light. The horror of the real world, the world you can see.
    hiya7799 likes this.
  • TheLeonard112
    Summery Of Book (By Author)
    In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets. Behind the fake Tudor façade of Pine Cove, California, Catch sees a four-star buffet. Travis, on the other hand, thinks he sees a way of ridding himself of his toothy traveling companion. The winos, neo-pagans, and deadbeat Lotharios of Pine Cove, meanwhile, have other ideas. And none of them is quite prepared when all hell breaks loose.


    As a matter of fact, I did not purchase this book, though, I did happen to borrow it from a friend. I know this person very fell, a funny, smart and enjoyable person. Getting this book right after I order the Winter Witch off of Amazon, made me ignore it. And the not too exciting or detailed explanation did not help me become any more excited for this book. Though, after I had finished The Winter Witch, I decided to dedicate my reading time to that of Practical Demonkeeping, and it surely deserves the attention I gave it, and the praise I am going to give it .

    So, I did not let my perception of The Winter Witch change my opinion of one of Christopher Moore's first books. The book had many things I enjoyed and only few things that I found that I did not enjoy so much about the book. So, now I will begin the things I like about the book.

    Practical Demonkeeping has one aspect that is a recurring part of the book and something no one can miss, constant character switching. And I do not mean point of view, but what is happening with a certain character of Pine Cove. Now, what is so different about this is that each character's story intertwines with another. Know you may be asking exactly what I mean, but I am going to compare it with Pulp Fiction and Inglorious Basters, which are both movies made by the director Quentin Tarantino. In each these stories, there are multiple characters who have their own stories. In each story, one character may run into the other. This is fact add details to the story that are revealed over time and adds to the suspense of the story as a whole. It also makes it more enjoyable to see the characters who differ from each other to such an extent act together.. Seeing them in the same seen is enjoyable to say the least.

    Another thing the book is very good at is the story itself. The book gives each an every character their own story line, no matter how brief. Each and every story is either entertaining, hilarious, or suspenseful. This includes the backstories that are given about certain people. The story manages to keep you entertained the whole way through, and even works its way into mythology and religion just for the sake of making it believable, or just to make a joke out of it. Each part of the story kept me wanting more, or left me satisfied.
    And I can not stress this enough more than when we were given Travis's backstory.

    Each character in the story could be consider lovable in a sense, though I see it as each one being entertaining enough to care about. Each character is interesting in their own way, and each are considerably different. Yet, there was never a time where I found a character I would consider dull, or half assed. Each one was fleshed out and given their own personality traits. There were no clones, and no copycats.

    The comedy of the story of the story was immense. The characters, about each single one was given either a plot detail or even maybe a one liner that were just laugh out loud funny. Even one in particular had multiple instances of being hilarious. Also, certain situations in the story left me laughing out loud, something that most television shows fail to do. And the humor never let itself get too crude, sure there were those adult jokes every now and then, but not to the George Carlin bar.

    Finally the book managed to create a world you found believable. Even with all this supernatural stuff going on, you were never taken out of the world, and it allowed you to believe it could happen on Earth. Even with the owl.

    Now for the things I did not like about the book. One, I felt in this book Christopher Moore did not put enough detail into the situation. This allowed for some of the audience to get confused about certain events that are happening in the story. Sure, no one needs to be overly descriptive, I just believed a little more detail should have been put into his explanations. And also I think that his writing could be somewhat confusing at times, especially with the constant swapping of characters. To me it felt at times some things, besides the owl, went unexplained. Though, these were my only two complaints with the story.

    As for my final thoughts, I believe that Practical Demonkeeping is a good time for anyone who enjoys good humor and is open minded to a darker story. This book is truly a story about a demonic creator, it you can get past this and some of its dark humor, you can enjoy yourself. You will soon embrace the light humor, beautiful storytelling, and awesome storyline of the book. I would recommend this to anyone I know who wasn't a complete softy. Go pick up the book, read it, and enjoy yourself.

  • TheLeonard112
    Summary Of Book (By Author)
    On the heels of George Carlin's #1 New York Times bestseller Napalm & Silly Putty comes When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops — infused with Carlin's trademark irreverent humor and biting cultural observations.

    Here we go again . . . George Carlin's hilarious When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops offers his cutting-edge opinions and observational humor on everything from evasive euphemistic language to politicians to the media to dead people. Nothing and no one is safe!

    Despite the current climate of political correctness, Carlin is not afraid to take on controversial topics:

    —Carlin on the media: The media comprises equal parts business, politics, advertising, public relations, and show business. Nice combination. Enough bull for Texas to open a chain of branch offices.
    —Carlin on the battle of the sexes: Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
    —Carlin on hygiene: When did they pass a law that says the people who make my sandwich have to be wearing gloves? I'm not comfortable with this. I don't want glove residue all over my food; it's not sanitary. Who knows where these gloves have been?
    —Carlin on evasive language: Just to demonstrate how far using euphemisms in language has gone, some psychologists are now actually referring to ugly people as those with "severe appearance deficits." Hey, Doctor. How's that for "denial"
    —Carlin on politics: No self-respecting politician would ever admit to working in the government. They prefer to think of themselves "serving the nation." To help visualize the service they provide the country, you may wish to picture the things that take place on a stud farm.

    The thinking person's comic who uses words as weapons, Carlin puts voice to issues that capture the modern imagination. For instance, why are there Ten Commandments? Are UFOs real? What will the future really be like? This brand-new collection tackles all that and more.

    In When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops Carlin's razor-sharp observations demolish everyday values and leave you laughing out loud — delivering exactly what his countless fans have been waiting for.


    Now I will say one thing first before anything so no one is at all confused later in this review. I did not read the book, I listened to the audio book. So, firstly let me talk of George Carlin's behalf. George was one of the most popular and one of the most devious comedians to have ever lived. He was a man who was very funny, whose death may not have been untimely, but not predicted, and not welcomed at the time of the event. This was his last book before that unwelcomed time.

    Now George's words were not welcomed by many people. This included over protected parents, and overly proper or pompous people. It was understandable to dislike him but to go after his demise was another, many did not like him. And unlike myself he had no religious views, which makes some of his quotes awkward for myself. But as he said he was not an atheist he was just a guy who was waiting to find out what was waiting for him. George was a very enlightened man, but he never acted as such, he was humble, he never called himself the smartest man alive, but he enjoyed to tear idiots a new one.

    George was a very talented comedian, writer, and man in general. He was never pompous or as annoying as many celebrities today. He laid low, allowing himself to bask in his enjoyable life, while finding things to nitpick. So, now is the moment in the review where I will reveal what I enjoyed about the book and what I did not.

    As for the things I enjoyed I the book, there were many. Carlin was a very intelligent man. His words could be very insightful and even if you did not agree with his opinion, his point on the matter would always have you ponder. He was extremely convincing and thought provoking. His words always held a type of truth to them, and would more than not make you continue to listen to his words. Almost as if you had the impulse to either agree with this man or strongly dispute him. Maybe that was a sort of attraction he had.

    Jokes: George, as stated previously, was a very funny man. A high multitude of George Carlin's jokes were highly insulting and funny for a variation of reasons. One was seeing his point of view. One thing that made many high class people dislike him was that George was very different. His point of view on many things were strange in some minds, and funny to others. Also, George's habit of going against what society said was right or what the norm was considered, was astounding. He just didn't care, what so ever. To him, the only opinion that had any effect was his own, and the opinions that disputed his were always targets he was ready to face head on. This also added to his charm.

    Another thing that added to his hilarity was his mixture of jokes. Some were plain dirty. His mixture of dirty jokes could involve any part of the body or any of its functions and put them in wacky situations. He would say stuff that would be frowned upon by many, which was one reason they were funny. Another was just his timing, or how though out the joke could be. George also had another type of jokes mixed in with those ones. I will call these the vulgar/morbid/frowned upon by society jokes. He would have jokes where he would openly insult religion, races, humanity as a whole, and many other things. The way he used some of this material was funny in itself, but as always his non-caring attitude never fell short to add that feeling to his words. Some of these types of jokes would highly offend other and make others laugh their bones outside of their bodies. It is all about preference.

    Finally the type of joke that George used that I will mention last is what I call, thinking jokes. They were a series of jokes that would leave you thinking, pondering over what you believed, or maybe sometimes would just stick in your mind. They had a power to them, where at times, they didn't feel like jokes.

    One reason the audio book was so much more enjoyable than the book was George Carlin's voice. George's voice never failed to add emotion to his words. The way he cursed just added the feel to his words. The way he expressed his points were so, him, so different. He was just a different type of person.

    George was so unpredictable at times, he was enjoyable to listen to, and figure out what he would say next.

    As for the things I did not enjoy about the book were few but that shared by many who have read the book, or listened to the audio book.

    This first thing was a complaint by only people who had read the book. They claimed it to be more enjoyable to listen to George's voice, rather than reading his words of page, which is totally understandable. Now do not misunderstand me, he is a very good writer, but when writing for humor, if not heard by, can sometimes be unappealing.

    Another gripe I had with this book was that some of Carlin's jokes were hit and miss for me, also some of his jokes were distasteful even for myself. He would say something really funny one second then it would change parts in the book and he would go on with a joke which's payoff was unsatisfying for all of the build up it was receiving. George's sense of humor was very appealing to myself, but at times he went to far for me. Insulting certain things, or saying certain things in general fell too distasteful for me. Yet, I did agree with many of his points, others I did not. It was 50/50 for I.

    Another problem which probably befell the audio listeners instead of others was that his constant book changing scenes would happen often. And for the listeners of the book, they were aware of this by a piano playing very shortly. Now that was the problem, the concern was that many of the parts would be short, and after a while, it could be confusing what topic he was on.

    My final gripe is that Carlin seemed to revisit certain topics in the book. And as it would be funny the first two times, the one he had talked about a third time had not been as entertaining as the first two, and you sometimes become uninterested.

    Now, for my final thought of the book. When Will Jesus Bring The Porkchops is a book by George Carlin, for George Carlin fans. You will enjoy it most if you enjoy his work. It is not for the light hearted, the easily offended, or the overly protective. It is a hilarious book that for people who enjoy crude humor, is totally worth the money. Sure sometimes his humor could become a bit much, but for all the payoff you get from all of his very good comedy, it is worth it. This book just isn't for some people, but if it is for you, you will enjoy it, love it even. So, if it sounds appealing to you, get it. I would recommend this book to my close friends who have the same humor as I.

    Oh yeah I will end this on one of those thinking jokes. This is also one of the best book endings I have ever seen.... George was a 'good' man and he will be missed.

  • TheLeonard112
    The picture that represents the new book that I am starting.
  • TheLeonard112
    No this will not be an everyday thing. When I find ones I like I'll post them. This one is a little short as it is from a fictional character. But then again it's called Inspirational Words Of Few

    Vision? What do you know about my vision? My vision would turn your world upside-down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you. Ask yourself... are you really ready to see that vision?

    -Huey Freeman