Viewing blog entries in category: Rants
This is a rant, and also includes swearing that may or may not be blocked out by the site AI but either way I'm typing it.
Okay, college has been over now for at least two weeks, and my stress levels have not gone down, at all.
I have no homework, no responsibilities more important than locking the door and washing the dishes (not precisely in that order) THREE WHOLE MONTHS of solid free time and yet I'm still the same old mixture of infuriated and apathetic.
And why, you ask?
(Well, you probably didn't ask but hey, you're reading this blog so what the hell it's your choice to carry on or not.)
Four years ago, I met a girl. (Well, two actually but we won't go into that) She was funny, smart and quite pretty, but most of all she was content to put up with all of my little stupidities that I would create throughout the day. (Screw grammar, that sentence worked dammit.)
Anyway, for at least two years we were best friends. We shared everything. We would sit next to each other in Maths and chat all the time (Probably and indication as to why I failed...) and kept absolutely no secrets from one another.
Then, Two years later, I realised that I was starting to have feelings... beyond those of friendship. She made it quite clear, without actually saying anything, that she felt the same way and I asked her out.
We were boyfriend and girlfriend for a year and a half.
I spent 18 months of my life telling her that I loved her and would do anything in the world to make her happy. She, obviously, reciprocated and for over a year, I was actually happy with my life.
We would spend every day together, whether in college or just hanging out. I would take her out for meals, stay at home and mess around or do anything that she wanted to do.
Then, last October, she dumped me.
Now, you must understand, this was completely out of the blue. No warning, no sit-down between the two of us, she just called me as I left college, met up with me in the town centre, and dumped me.
Go me, eh?
Anyway, we both agreed that we would remain friends, or at least that we wouldn't fall out 'cause hey, I just wanted to give what she desired, and if that was for me to leave her alone, so be it.
For a couple of months, we would talk sporadically and exchange the odd hello if we saw each other in the street, me, of course, putting up the front that I was "Ok" even if I did feel like I was dead inside.
And then, it began.
I started getting back in touch with old high school friends who I hadn't seen since I'd moved to the college and they began telling me little... truthes that up until that point I had no idea of.
1. Laura had started going out with someone literally hours after she dumped me.
2. That person has since dumped her rolleyes.
3. She has also been out with someone else since (and has been cheated on and dumped by said person D))
4. While Laura and I were going out, whenever I was not in Stratford she would regail her 'friends' (that were in fact, my friends who she had latched onto like a fly onto... well you get the idea) of how she and I had been having sex. This came to my attention when I was asked by one of said friends: "Tell me, when did you and Laura actually have sex? Was it your prom night or when you were in Kent together?" and my immediate (And slightly confused) response was "Um... niether."
5. The day she broke up with me, both her mother, and everyone (including my friends) who happened to be in the sixth form common room knew her plan to break up with me, because she got upset that I was going home early and she didn't want to "Make a scene".
So, now I was a little pissed off to be honest. But, there was no sense crying over spilled milk as those who live in places with laminate flooring say, so I got on with my life.
Now, In early January this year (After I had been rejected and had broken down crying at our family get-together with the realisation that after 14 years alone, I was now back to square one) I got a request by text message from Laura to meet up, stating that she needed a friend. Now that I had actually realised what she had done to me, I politely declined.
After another month, my mother, who works with and is close friends with her mother, (yeah) came home saying that her mother had been complaining that apparently I'd been ignoring Laura's various text and e-mail messages.
I'm sorry but, WHAT BLOODY MESSAGES EXACTLY?
After Laura yet again tried to get in contact with me, I asked my mother to make it clear to Karen (the other mother) that I was hurt by what Laura had done and did not wish to speak to her anymore, and would prefer it if we remained apart.
So, another month passes without any difficulties, and then we get to May.
At the beginning of the month, my Mum comes home and tells me a story of how Laura has been hearing 'voices' in her head and how this was the reason she had dumped me. Mum also told me of how Laura had consulted a 'Spirit Guide' who came to their house and 'cleansed' it of 'bad spirits', before teaching Laura how to meditate. Apparently, this has instantly cured Laura of all her ailments.
(If you detected a hint of skeptisism don't worry it was intentional. I don't know whether anyone here believes this and frankly I don't care because 1. Laura's always been a drama queen 2. It sounds more like an excuse and 3. I've never bought into spirits, horoscopes or religion of any kind so naturally I think it's a crock of ****.)
Anyway, now Laura has apparently realised 'what she had done' to me and feels so horrible about it that she wanted to meet up to apologise about it.
"Okay", I said, "But if she wants to meet up then she has to get in contact with me."
So a week goes by and I get nothing. It's now that I'm told she has successfully alienated every friend she had, (Presumably by being a controlling, decieving, manipulative bitch). Another week goes by and I get an invitation which, unfortunately I have to decline because it was the day of my big exam for performance.
So Mum comes home, equally as tired of this because for god's sake it's been 8 months, and tells me that now Laura thinks I'm blanking her.
Right, ok, fine. "Tell you what, I don't want any contact from you unless you want to apologise" is the message I give to her.
Guess what? Three weeks and nothing. By now, as you may know, I have another love interest and also other things to occupy my time with.
AND THEN, Saturday occured.
Weeks after the umpteenth time I've tried to make it clear that I want NOTHING TO DO WITH HER, Laura's mum call ME, not my Mum, ME, and asks me to come around on Sunday to entertain Laura's two nephews who are both Four.
In what can only be described as a knee-jerk reaction, I agree, and immediately regret it. So, my mother explains to Karen how I feel and that I don't want ANYTHING TO DO WITH LAURA.
So, today my mum comes home and tells me of a rather interesting conversation she had with Karen today.
The two four year olds apparently began to scream and shout that I wasn't there.
These are four year olds! They scarcely have thoughts more complex than the desire for food, and I'm meant to believe they asked after someone they haven't seen or heard from FOR OVER EIGHT MONTHS? Am I the only one who thinks that this is part of an elaborate plan?
Anyway, apparently Laura roamed the town that day because she was "so angry that she could slap me."
Wait, hold on,
I'M THE BAD GUY?
Let's just review this shall we?
I tell someone for over a year that I love them, I pour my heart and soul out to them and give them everything I have,
and then I get dumped.
Hours after I'm dumped, another man swoops in and starts going out with Laura.
I'm told that Laura has lied behind my back, has come very close to cheating on me and has also expressed her desire to dump me to a room full of people.
Plus, I'm given a bull **** story about voices in her head which are meant to make me believe that it wasn't really her that dumped me.
Then, I'm accused of blanking her by not returning NON-EXISTENT messages.
By now I'm angry enough that if she were to slap me, I'd probably slap her back.
And Laura and her family are now angry that I no longer exactly want to be her bestest friend in the whole wide world?
WELL WHAT A COMPLETE BASTARD I AM!
HOW HORRIBLE OF ME TO BE ANGRY WITH THE PERSON WHO WASTED A YEAR AND A HALF OF MY LIFE!
HOW EVIL OF ME TO MOVE ON FROM THIS PERSON!
HOW DARE I EVEN DISAGREE WITH THE ASSUMPTION THAT LAURA CAN GET WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS BY JUST SNAPPING HER FINGERS!
Tell you what, WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?
YOU DUMPED ME. DEAL WITH IT. I HAVE.
So, five minutes ago, I blocked and deleted her from my MSN.
The only way that she can get ahold of me without going through either my mother or the screen on my phone is gone.
Suck it, bitch!
P.S. I just realised this is entry number 13. How fitting.
(I'll point out that this is just a harmless rant. Just because I WAS BORED! )
The speed of light it roughly 300 million metres per second (299,792,458 m/s if Wikipedia is to be believed.) and, unless it is travelling through a translucent material, this remains constant.
This means I could circumnavigate the globe over 216 times before I'd finish writing this sentence. Now the question you must ask yourselves is this:
How BORED must I have been, to sit here and work that out?
And this is my general beef with science as a whole. That doesn't mean to say that I don't believe in sceince, on the contrary, I'm an athiest, and science is all I believe in, but I hate it when any new scientific creation is hailed as "unlocking the secrets of reality" or, "The next step in technological advancement".
Let's take, for example, the Large Hadron Collider.
Now when I first heard about this, it was in a magazine called BBC Focus, and it had an eighteen page spread glorifying this thing.
I mean, come on!
Sure, if the mystical Higgs Boson was discovered, and we did find out how realtiy works, what do you really think would change so drastically? Sure, scientists would now know how the fabric of reality is put together, but why do we assume they're going to be able to do anything with that information?
I know how a toaster works, but I can never fiddle with that without getting an explosion to the face.
I could never shake the feeling that this whole venture was dreamed up my two scientists, lazing about in a lab in the early 80s. I imagine the conversation probably went something like this:
"I'm so bored."
"What do you wanna do?"
"Wait -- I've got it! Let's try and figure out how reality works!"
"Well, something to do."
"Will I have to do anything?"
"No, we just need to rope in a few governments and build a giant ring under Switzerland."
And this seems to be the thing with all science. All these experiments were dreamed up by someone, somewhere, who was extremely BORED.
However, I did love it when, in the lead up to the big "Switch on", there was a whole countdown thing and coverage all over the world.
The fateful day came, when humanity would unlock the fabric of reality itself,
The clock ticked down,
The world held its breath,
The switch was flicked,
And it broke.