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  1. Chapter Two: Shattered Glass

    Another sleepless night, I’d be sound asleep when suddenly I was cold and alone, my body pressed firmly against the hardwood floor. I would try to get up but I couldn’t, I struggled…something was weighing me down; something was holding me in place. Then I would open my eyes and see Mr. Morton’s sweaty face laying on top pf me.

    Then I would usually wake up with a scream and sweat pouring from my face. This was the fourth day in a row I’d had this nightmare and it’s been four days since Mr. Morton alter my life forever.

    “Jackie” my mother came barging into my room “Sweetheart, are you ok?” she turned the lamp on by my bed squinting- she always left her glasses somewhere besides on her face where they belonged.

    “I’m fine” I whispered back “I had a nightmare”

    “That’s the tenth one you’ve had this week” she over exaggerated.

    “I’m sorry” was all I could say.

    “No more pop after 6…only milk at dinner” she ordered. I nodded as I was already slowly drifting back into sleep.

    I was startled out of my sleep by a loud siren… I looked around in shock until I realized it was my alarm clock going off. I smacked the off button as I buried my face in my pillow. It didn’t feel like I’d gotten any sleep…at all.

    Lazily I got up; grabbing my towel and bathrobe as I headed towards the bathroom. My eyes were barley open as I yawned rubbing my eye lids roughly. I turned on the shower so I could let it run for a while.

    I went to grab my tooth brush out of the cabinet when I got a glance of my face in the mirror. I could see the shadow of a bruise that I’d been desperately covering up with my mother’s make up. The faint scratches on my neck that I’d blamed on softball practice.

    This was the first time I’d actually looked at my self…actually mentally documented each mark on by body caused by Mr. Morton.

    I slowly unbuttoned my pajama top letting it fall to the floor. Large bruises painted my chest and lower stomach…deep teeth marks on my left breast.

    I was a zombie as I absorbed it all in. I loosened the draw string of my pajama bottoms letting them hit the floor lightly. I let my hand gently trace the big purple bruises in my inner thighs. They’d come from how violently Mr. Morton pounded against me.

    My body still ached…to a point where it was hard to sit or stand or lay every movement causing a fresh shock wave of intense pain through my inners and limbs. I had to lie to my softball coach all the week, blaming PMS-ing as why I could not attend practice this week.

    Physically I was battered and broken…but what was going on emotionally and mentally was much worse than any physical scar or pain I could ever experience.

    I’d lost a part of me that day. A part of me that I will never know again, that part of me will forever stay on Mr. Morton’s living room floor for all eternity.

    I took one last look at myself before the bathroom door swung open.

    “Damn it Cheryl you can’t knock” I yelled at my little sister as I quickly grabbed my towel covering as much of my battered body as possible.

    Her eyes were wide in shock as she stared at me confused.

    “Jackie…? What is all that, it …”

    “Softball” I interrupted quickly “Close the door” I snapped. She went to say something but stopped herself she stepped back and closed the door. I quickly walked over to the door and locked it.

    I knew what she saw but I knew she wouldn’t say anything…one day I would tell her what happened…someday.

    Chapter 2 Part II

    I sat in my room in the silence as I heard the many voices from down stairs echo through out the house.

    I knew that any second my dad would call me down to help set up for poker night.

    My heart sank the thought of Mr. Morton in this house repulsed me…the thought of ever having to see him again repulsed me.

    But I was confident that he wouldn’t show his face here…he wouldn’t risk it.

    “Jackie” I heard my father call from down stairs.

    “Coming” I yelled back. I had to prepare myself…what if he did show up? What would I do? Would I snap? Would I cry? Would I act like nothing ever happened?

    I shrugged all of those thoughts out of my head.

    I slowly walked down the stairs. I saw my dad’s best friend Earl sitting on the couch with a beer, Pete was standing against the wall, Darryl was sitting at the table eating chips and my dad was talking to Joe.

    I sighed in relief as I was finally completely downstairs.

    “Jackie…can you make the sandwiches and pour some glasses of pop the fella’s don’t want pizza tonight and they are not drinking up my beers” my dad punched Joe in the arm

    I nodded as I walked by them to head for the kitchen. I immediately went to the cabinet reaching on the tips of my toes for the glasses. I was reaching to the far back of the cabinet as I grabbed two with both hands.

    “Hello Jackie” the voice was low…and anticipatory …and unfortunately familiar. I turned around immediately dropping both glasses to ground. They shattered into millions of little glistening pieces.

    “Jackie…” Mr. Morton began to plead. But my dad interrupted.

    “Hey what’s going on?” he questioned as he entered the kitchen his eyes falling to the broken glass on the floor.

    “Jackie what the hell…” he began to say but Mr. Morton interrupted.

    “No Dave…it was all my fault…she didn’t know I was in the bathroom down here…so when I came out I guess I scared her” he laughed “Isn’t that right Jackie…?” he added. I could feel him looking at me…I couldn’t look at him my eyes were staring at my fathers, wishing that I was able to convey my thoughts to him so he knew what a horrible and disgusting man Mr. Morton was.

    I quickly blinked away from my fathers eye contact nodding “Yea…I didn’t expect anyone else to be in here” I said lowly as I squatted down to pick up some of the glass.

    “Ok…well be more careful” he sighed turning around and heading for the poker table. “Come on Danny…I am ready to take your money” my father continued.

    Mr. Morton laughed “I’ll be in there in a second”

    My father was out of the kitchen, it was just Mr. Morton and I. He grabbed a broom and walked it over to me. I didn’t acknowledge him. He sighed and placed the broom on the floor squatting next to me. I quickly hopped up.

    “Jackie” he whispered as I walked the pieces of glass to the garbage. He was now standing.

    “Are you ok?” he asked me almost inaudible. What did it matter if I were ok or not? He’d gotten what he wanted and now he was here parading it in my face.

    Still forfeiting eye contact I walked back to the pile of glass but before I could squat down to pick up the glass he grabbed my arm tightly.

    “Don’t ignore me when I am speaking to you” he snapped his voice scary and acidic. His hold on my arm was painful…I knew I would have a bruise there to add to the collection.

    Before I could respond or react I heard Cheryl call my name in shock.

    “Jackie” her voice questioned. Mr. Morton quickly released me. He glanced at my sister then quickly walked into the living room.

    Cheryl walked up to me concern plastered on her face.

    “What was that about?”

    “Nothing” I said quickly as I continued picking up the individual pieces of glass still on the floor.

    “Then why was he talking to you like that? Why did he grab your am like that?” she questioned. My sister was 18 months younger than me but sometimes she felt like the older sister. I so badly wanted to tell her …tell her everything but there was no way my mouth could even form the words.

    “I said nothing… just leave it alone” I said angrily. Her facial expression did not seem like someone who intended on giving up that easily.

    “Please” I added…my voice almost begging.

    She shook her head and I could see that I was hurting her by not telling her…we were so close but this…I couldn’t.

    “Fine” she said as she turned around to walk away. She stopped as if she were going to say something but she shook her head and just walked out of the kitchen.

    I fought against the tears that wanted to stream down my face…I wouldn’t cry over this.

    I wouldn’t allow my self to continue to cry over any of this.

    I knelt down and continued to pick up the shattered glass.

    Each individual piece
  2. Preface

    “What ever you want” I yelled over the roaring wind. It felt like the thunderous clouds were mocking me. “Please, just let him go, and you can have what ever you want from me”

    The predator’s eyes lit up as he acknowledged my concession. His hands were gripped tight around Liam’s neck.

    “No, get out of here… now” Liam tried to scream to me, but the predator only tightened his grip.

    I winced. “Please” I cried. “Look I’m here, I wouldn’t lie…just tell me what you want” my words rushing out in a flurry of angst.

    The predator looked into my eyes, they smoldered a color that was non existent on the color spectrum.

    “Just tell me, what do you want?” I asked weakly.

    He paused for a moment then a devilish smile reigned across his face.

    “I want you”

    Chapter 1 : Secret

    “You can’t blame him” I said nonchalantly as I opened the passenger side door.

    “The hell I can’t” my best friend Ruby chided as she turned the car on.

    “Rube, he has liked you for how many years now? You have avoided him for how long now? You can’t get mad at James for asking Lyn out” I had my cell phone out going through some old texts from last night that I didn’t bother returning.

    “Wow, so you’re taking his side?”

    “I’m not taking any side”

    “That’s the problem” she spat out “You’re my best friend, you should be taking my side all the time”

    “Even if you’re wrong” I asked snidely.

    She paused to think about it before she answered. “Especially when I’m wrong”

    I laughed out, her face was still serious. “Oh, come on Rube”

    She sighed and a small smile peeked from her features. “I guess you’re right. I just wish I didn’t like him so much, no better yet, I wish I would have known sooner that I would like him so much”

    “I told you two years ago that you liked him, but you never listen to me” I said as if my feelings were hurt.

    “I always listen to you” she exclaimed as if I offended her.

    “True” I simply stated.

    We both laughed as she turned into the school parking lot.

    “Look, there he is” Ruby said inconspicuously.

    “Who James…? Is he with Lyn?” I turned to where she was looking, only to see someone that I wasn’t too fond of.

    “No, your lover boy Liam” she teased.

    “Ugh” I turned back around angrily “I can’t stand him, he has got to be the most egotistical, self centered, self righteous jerk I’ve ever met in my entire life”

    “And gorgeous, don’t forget most gorgeous”

    I looked at Ruby like I was disgusted.

    “Sorry” she laughed. “Well, don’t look now but he is walking over here”

    I sighed; I wish I was able to disappear right now…I think I actually considered it.

    Before I could drudge up a plan I heard three soft taps on the passenger side window.

    I could see Ruby smiling in the corner of my eye as she got out of the car. I just sat there looking forward.

    “Hey Ruby” I heard him say as she walked by. I’m assuming she smiled and or nodded because I didn’t hear a response.

    “Mackenzie, are you just going to ignore me?” he beamed peering through the window.

    I just sat there, arms folded across my chest and eyes staring out the windshield. I knew this would probably make me late for class, but at the moment I didn’t care.

    “Ok” he said his tone a bit more serious “Just to let you know, I’m very persistent”

    I expected him so say something else, I was convinced that he loved the sound of his voice but to my surprise it was complete silence.

    I slowly looked up, only to see him standing there, like a modern day sculpture.

    We made eye contact and I quickly turned my head back towards the windshield. I could see a smile form on his lips.

    “You can’t stay in there forever, and I have nothing but time” his voice sounded wistful.

    I wanted to smack him. But he was right; I couldn’t stay in here forever. And he looked adamant, I believed him when he said he had nothing but time.

    I sighed as I grabbed my book bag from the back seat. I opened the door slowly, before he grabbed the door handle and opened it the rest way for me. In that same motion he went to grab my book bag that looked to be about a trillion pounds.

    “I got it” I said angrily as I hoisted it over one shoulder.

    “Ok” he said as he let his hand fall to his side.

    “Is there anything else I can help you with?” I asked annoyed.

    “Well, yea there is actually. Can you meet me somewhere Saturday night?…this is really important…”

    I looked at him confused. Was he seriously asking me out? Did he not realize I hated him?

    “No” I said simply as I kept walking.

    He grabbed my arm “Mackenzie, it’s important. I need to explain something to you and I can’t do it here”

    As badly as I wanted to crush the glimmer of hope in his eyes, I was curious as to what he needed to tell me. I paused for a moment contemplating before I finally conceded.


    He looked as if he were hoping I would say no. “The clearing behind Madigan’s” before I could ask any questions he was walking away.

    I just stared at him as he walked off, confusion covering my body.

    Chapter 1 Part II

    It was especially cold out, as I stood a few yards behind Madigan’s in the clearing waiting for Liam. He told me to be there at 8pm it was now close to 8:15pm.

    It wouldn’t surprise me if he stood me up, that was the type of person I was pegging him for. I looked at my cell phone one last time. I told myself I would give it 5 more minutes then I was gone.

    As I stood there I mulled over reasons why Liam-of all people- would need to speak with me privately.

    Then panic coursed through my body. What if he knew? I thought to myself. What if he was threatening to tell my secret I would have to leave…again. It was impossible I’d covered my trail impeccably there was no way he knew…no way anybody knew.

    And if did he know wouldn’t he be afraid? Wouldn’t he think I was some type of freak? Why would he want to meet me alone at night? Something wasn’t adding up.

    If he knew, how did he find out?

    “Mackenzie” I heard my name being called behind me and I jumped before I turned around.

    “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you” Liam apologized “And I’m sorry I am late”

    I looked at him frozen, my eyes wide. There was no way I could allow my secret to be exposed.

    “Mackey, what’s wrong?” Liam questioned. His eyes concerned.

    “Why are we here Liam” I said lowly, the back of my mind contemplating what I would do to him if he knew my secret.

    He paused as his eyes met mine, I didn’t see fear but I did see understanding.

    “Dolandrous” he said lowly his eyes set seriously as he glared at me.

    And my fears came true.

    “Liam how did you…”

    “Is that your father…?” he interrupted.

    “I’m sorry Liam; I can’t let you do this to me” my voice acid

    Before I knew it I was standing in front of him my right hand at his jugular.
  3. Preface

    It was only space and time right? A completely unwavering; which the entire world moved by. In time so much could happen and in that same breath nothing could happen at all.

    But no matter what… time always moved, situations could stop, hearts could stop as life ceased to exist but time was a continuum…a constant reminder that your life’s clock was slowly winding down.

    That’s exactly how I felt. I knew my clock was winding down as I lie there on the cold floor counting backwards from 100 as he lay on top of me sweating and breathing heavily. I knew that time was all I had and that time would soon be running out.

    Chapter One: Like it never happened

    I could see it in his eyes, he wasn’t himself, this wasn’t the man that I’d seen every Friday night for the past six years playing poker with my dad and uncles. This wasn’t the same man who’d offer to drive me and my siblings to school when my father’s car broke down. This wasn’t the man who spent Christmas with us the last three years.

    His wife Linda died three Thanksgiving’s ago in a terrible car crash- five other people died in that crash as well. He was sad and lonely, my mother and father felt compassion and sympathy for him. My mother would always cook him a nice hardy meal and have me walk it over to him every Sunday at 6:45pm. I remember one Sunday I’d dropped off pork chops smothered in gravy, mash potatoes and peas.

    He’d opened the door with a huge smile on his face.

    “Hi, Jackie” he exclaimed. My real name was Jackson but family and friends called me Jackie for short, I liked the nick name, I wasn’t too fond of having a boys name in the first place.

    “Hi Mr. Morton” I retorted. I’d handed him the Tupperware dish “its pork chops” I continued.

    “Hey I told you to call me Danny remember…?” he scolded a serious look rimming across his face.

    “Sorry” I said sheepishly.

    “Why don’t you come in for a second Jackie” the smile returning to his face.

    “I can’t” I replied simply “I have to do the dishes” I didn’t realize at that moment why Mr. Morton would ask me to come in, he hadn’t any other time.

    He just looked and nodded. “Ok, well tell your mom and dad that they have a beautiful daughter” he paused “you remind me so much of Linda…so much that its scary, I feel like I am looking right at her” his eyes examined my body slowly. I felt uncomfortable, I felt exposed.

    “Well Mr. Morton, I really should be going” I said quickly.

    “Hey tell your parents you guys are like family to me…I appreciate you all” he smiled.

    I nodded and hurriedly walked off his back porch slightly jogging six houses down to my house.

    That was the last time I’d seen Mr. Morton until now, before he’d stolen my virginity so violently on a Monday afternoon.

    When he ripped my clothes off and I heard them clunk to the floor beside me, I began to whimper.

    “Please Mr. Morton” I begged I didn’t know what else to say

    “I told you to call me Danny” he yelled and then in that same breath he jammed himself inside of me. I screamed, the pain was excruciating, I was confused I couldn’t see out of my eyes, the tears blinding me. His panting turned into grunting as little pellets of his sweat smacked against my skin.

    I wanted to throw up; I was going to throw up, I felt disgusting. “No…stop…please” my voice was gargled. He took his hand and squeezed it around my neck, slowly cutting off my air supply but not completely. I fought hopelessly against him; I was no match it was as if I were punching a brick wall.

    “Shut up” he panted as he moved in and out of me. “Shut” in “up” out it continued. I cried uncontrollably when was this going to end. From the corner of my eye I could see a small rusted clock on the wall it read 3:52. I relied on that clock, for some reason I felt like if I knew how much time had passed that I could get through this.

    I looked at the clock again-probably minutes later- and saw that the clock still read 3:52 at that instance I realized that the tiny second hand wasn’t moving.

    My tears moved down my cheeks rapidly. I had no clue when this hell…this agonizing hell would end.

    Then suddenly there was nothing inside of me, Mr. Morton’s breathing was still loud but not in the rhythmic pattern that it was in before. He was still on top of me, his eyes still not sane when he softly placed his hand on my cheek, removing it from my throat.

    “Shhh” he said as he caressed my cheek “Why are you crying?”

    I didn’t answer.

    “I love you so much Linda” he softly placed his lips on mine, trying to force his tongue in my mouth.

    “I’m…not…Linda” I mumbled against his lips. But he just kissed me harder.

    “I’m not Linda” I said louder my words and voice being slurred as his tongue flicked around in my mouth.

    “I’m not Linda!” I screamed. He lifted his head abruptly.

    “You are Linda!” he screamed back louder than my voice had been.

    I shook my head back and forth rapidly.

    “You…you are… you… ” he yelled and in that same second he punched the side of my face.

    I think I was knocked unconscious. I don’t know how much time passed but I was slowly able to open my eyes. They fluttered as everything around me was a complete blur. I finally gained focus only to see Mr. Morton still hovering over me.

    “Jackie…?” he asked me confused. His eyes were back, it was weird it was like a completely different person was there.

    “Oh…God Jackie” he got up sitting on the floor next to me covering his face with his hands.

    “I’m sorry…I didn’t…I don’t know what just happened…I’m so so sorry” he cried.

    I stared at him I was confused. “Get up…please” he said softly as he stood to his feet reaching down grabbing my clothes and handing them to me.

    I sat up slowly; I could feel the pain thundering inside of me, I could feel the bruises that were going to form around my neck and my eye throbbing with the pulse of my heart.

    “I swear to you…that wasn’t me, I would never hurt you I love you…I love you all… your whole family…I couldn’t hurt you” he pleaded.

    But he did hurt me. Did he not realize that? He raped me, robbed me of my most precious possession-my virginity- he just robbed me of my childhood. I would never be the same Jackson after this.

    “I haven’t been right since Linda died, everybody told me to go get help and I didn’t” he cried as I slowly put my clothes on monitoring every ache and pain I felt.

    “And because I didn’t listen I hurt you” he turned towards me. I had no reason to be embarrassed that my breasts were still exposed, after what he’d done to me this was tame.
    I could see in his eyes; he was looking at my face as I got dressed not paying any attention to my half naked body, the same body that he was drooling over, fondling and abusing just moments prior.

    “Jackie…you do know that wasn’t me…right?”

    I knew what he meant, I saw the eyes of my attacker and the eyes of the man I was staring at now they were not the same person but what was I suppose to do, this is something that couldn’t be ignored.

    “Jackie, I need help, I will get help…just…” he paused “I know this is a lot for me to ask”

    Then don’t ask it I thought to myself.

    “Don’t tell anybody…I’ll get the help” he begged. “I would never hurt you…that was some crazy person that I will get rid of but I need you to help me”

    I looked at him as he begged. I didn’t have the power to speak…and I hadn’t said a word the whole time.

    “You can’t tell anyone about this…let me get the help I need and this will all go away…just please” he paused; his eyes piercing into mine “it would be like…like it never happened.”

    He said the words it would be like it never happened. He’d actually said that. I repeated that sentence in my head a million times before I moved again.

    I buttoned the last button of my shirt. The shirt was missing two buttons; they had to have torn off when he ripped my favorite shirt from my body.

    I grabbed my coat and my school books that were scattered on his living room floor. I must have been insane, or extremely scared or still in shock but as I walked to his side door I turned around and nodded as if to say ‘ok’.

    I was gone heading to my home in broad day light, I would go home and I would take my clothes off…I would burn them this weekend I thought to myself. I would take a scolding hot shower. I would scrub every inch of my body until my skin was raw. I would brush my teeth until they bled. Scrub my tongue until every taste bud was removed or seriously damaged. Then I would go to softball practice at 6pm.

    It would be like it never happened.