There are places in the world where children starve and die. I tell myself, surely they aren't responsible. They can't be. They were born innocent. The ones who make it to adulthood - fortunate or not? They can't be responsible either.
But here in America, have you noticed how we stay in the same situations? We have so much freedom we can do anything we want. We can move on. We can avoid painful relationships. And yet we just stick ourselves right back in the big middle of a painful situation. Are we a bunch of masochists?
I do know one thing. We don't like taking responsibility for our own actions. We like to blame other people, places, things. I don't know much, but I do know that.
I really admire people who will take responsibility. I'm working on it! Always working on it. But those are the people I look to when I'm troubled. Those are the people who give me strength.
In all this campaign & presidential election mess, Melania Trump has been the most fascinating and inspirational character, to me - how beautiful and gracious and open she is, the way she defends and stands by her husband, the fact that she wasn't born in America, etc.
Just now, I saw a film clip of her when she wasn't so beautiful. Now I like her even more.
She was explaining her husband's 'dirty' behavior. I would say, bless her heart. But I don't think she needs it.
but I do know that a strong drink on a Saturday afternoon helps me face a few fears and numbs me to the pain.
I admit, I want everything to be perfect, like a fairytale. But, the fairytale died when the summer and the snow queen arrived.
Summer was young, energetic, full of sex and adorable. The Snow Queen was on her way out, jealous, and powerful, sucking the life out of all of us.
I wanted to end with all my lovers by my bedside, telling me how they always thought I was beautiful, no matter how old and feeble I became.
But do you know what happened? I rose up, out of disaster and loss, and I became stronger and more lively and happier and full of real life - more than I ever imagined!
I wish the very best for you too! Enjoy real living, while you can. It's worth the fight!
You know, I'm a small town girl. Really really small town, small time. I haven't traveled around the world. I lived in Japan and Guam in a time I can't remember, except in dreams. And wow, are those dreams glorious! I still remember all the colors, the smells, the speech, and I don't even know where I'm going or where I've come from. My folks used to tell me the reason I'm so smart is because I could speak two languages fluently. I wish I still could!
My dreams are made of freedom. Freedom of expression. Free to be happy, dramatic, sad, free to be me.
I've never been to New York. I've been to Santa Fe! I've been to Lincoln, Nebraska! But never New York.
Someday I'll go there. And be just like all those awesome, brave New Yorkers - strong enough to live through anything!
I used to keep a journal of my dreams somewhere else. I miss that place!
However I still have strange dreams. I remembered the journal and how I enjoyed tracking my dreams when I had the following short but horrible dream.
I was in a pristine white bathroom hiding behind a pine cabinet. I peeked around the corner and saw a teenaged blonde girl sitting on the floor behind another cabinet with her head in her arms. I couldn't see her face, except for the cheek that was facing me. She had bright red belt marks all over her cheek, shoulders and arms. I could even see the tapered end of the red belt marks. It was a terrible feeling. I remember thinking (in the dream) that it was my sister. But I know it wasn't.
I haven't been able to forget that dream. Maybe writing about it will help.
I may change the title of this blog entry because I may use it often and don't want to overload anyone with my issues, past or present!
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