Well, I personally can't believe it, but when I looked up at the calendar today, I realized something incredible. Six months ago today, I began work on my novel!
It's hard to describe really, because I feel so many different things, the first of which being how did I remember exactly what day I began? lol
But all kidding aside, I honestly can't believe I've come this far. I remember starting back in April and thinking to myself, "I won't tell anyone about this, so that when I decide to quit, no body will look down on me for it." I honestly thought I was destined to fail! Here I am, though, six months later, and I'm still working on it. It's the longest project I've ever taken part in! I'm... ecstatic!
Now, the only question that remains is; Will I still be working on it in another six months? I guess I'll have to wait and find out.
First off, I just want to say that I have what I feel to be an exceedingly large vocabulary for someone of my age (15). I understand this, and I understand that a large portion of people of my age do not. That being said, here's what happened to me today.
I was sitting in my seventh hour class, which is Spanish, waiting for the final bell to ring so that I could go home. The teacher wasn't looking, so I did what I normally do and jumped over a row of desks, so as to avoid the larger portion of traffic on the way out the door. In doing so, one of my friends commented that she was waiting for the day that I trip up and land on my face. Jokingly, I replied "Oh, I see. You're all just waiting for the day I meet my demise."
The girl sitting to my right overheard me saying this, turned, and said "Speak English, please," as did the girl in front of me.
It was at this point that I face palmed myself. I explained that I was in fact using English, and then, after being asked, I defined said word. This only earned me the snide remark of "Don't you have a life? What do you do, read dictionaries all day?"
No. I just happened to be blessed with a large vocabulary, although I would recommend you read one some time. Is it just me, or is my generation somewhat lacking in the vocabulary department? In my personal opinion, the word demise is one of the most comprehensible words, so if they don't understand it, there may likely be an issue. Or, then again, it could just be me.
Does anyone else feel this way? You try to use an "advanced" word, and you get strange glances from people as if you've just spoken Greek? It aggravates me!
So, here's how things have gone. School, as it turns out, is actually not as time consuming as I'd planned it to be, and I still have a lot of time to work on my novel.
*cue the drum-roll* ................. I want to shoot myself in the foot!
In a turn of events, I ended up halting all new drafting on my novel, and I've instead turned my attention towards rewriting what is already available. I have a good 50k to work from, so no problem right?
So I decide to start on my favorite chapter, and rewrite it. It actually turned out better than I'd ever planned, so mark one under success! With this small victory under my belt, I decide to continue my endeavors, and voyage into another chapter. This is where everything comes to a screeching halt.
Writer's block, how I wish you would kindly pack up and get the h*** out of my head!
One of my stronger points, I feel, is writing descriptive paragraphs, specifically opening paragraphs for chapters. It's the only time I get to stop with dialogue, and let my style flow as I bring the reader up to date on what has occurred between scenes. It flows very naturally for me, except for when Writer's block gets in the way. At my current point, I'm staring at the three sentences that I've struggled to type in twenty minutes (as opposed to the usual 60 or so) and slamming my head on the desk. Woe is me, not that I'm asking for pity.
So, I have to assume it's time for another short break. Just like before when I left my draft for two weeks. Then, when I came back, I managed to type in upwards of 12k in the five days that followed. So lets hope for that!
Ugh... OK, my first blog on the internet ever. I have a YouTube account, and all sorts of accounts on various forums, but I've never done a blog before.
Come to think of it, I don't even consider this post to be a blog, so much as a way to clear my head.
Alright, cut the junk. Get to the point
I think my story/novel/whatever-you-call-it may be coming to an end, although it's not the end I was intending. I hit 40k last week, and I felt like I was somewhat on a roll, but know I feel like I don't have the slightest clue what I'm doing. I feel like my story isn't planned out enough, which I know isn't true because I have a 8,000 word summary/plot of the entire story. I feel like I don't have enough going on, that my current plot is rather 'stupid', for lack of a better term, and that I may not be able to finish the draft, while I still have an estimated 70k to go. I also think that I may not be able to finish my story because so many different elements in the plot call for experience which I am lacking of.
I keep telling myself that it's natural to feel this way, and that most first time writers do, but that doesn't really help. I tell myself that I can take as long as I need to with this, as I once read that someone took six years to do their first novel. But I can't help but feel that if I put this down, I'll never pick it back up. I'm worried that I'll let this story go into storage, and then some three years later or so, I'll open it up again, read through the plot, and think that it's a horrible story and toss it. I don't ever want that to happen.
It doesn't help that I have difficulties finding motivation at times, and with school coming up fast (nine days and counting, oh the overly-dramatic horror), I can never clear my mind enough to focus. Everything that helped me develop my plot, all the songs, stories, and movies, I'm sick and tired of all of them! I can't stand them anymore, which is horrible because that means I've lost my source of inspiration.
And then I have more to pile on to this. As I already mentioned, school is fast approaching. I've made a resolution this year to actually give a damn about my studies, and do work, seeing as my grades have been sub-par. my schedule for this year only gives me more to worry about. What with geometry, spanish, auto, and a vast list of other items, I fear that my workload this year will be all but over bearing, and I won't even have time to work on my story anymore.
Simply put; no inspiration and lack of motivation in story, but desire to to see it through to the end. Desire to finish story, but seemingly no time to do so anymore.
*looks up at sky and shakes fist* God, you're driving me freaking insane down here!
Sorry about the brain dump, but I felt like writing something, and this just kinda happened, so... yeah.
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