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  1. Talking Toilet

    ~Character Info~

    Name: Talking Toilet
    Meaning of Name: He's a toilet, that talks.
    Origin of Name: My toilet.
    Species: Toilet
    Age: 1
    Sex: Male
    Nationality: American (but made in France.)
    Birth Date: Unknown.
    Birth Place: A porcelain toilet factory just outside of Paris.
    Current Residence: A gas station somewhere in America.
    Occupation: Toilet.
    Hobbies/Pastimes: Self Hate, Flirting, reading magazines people leave in his cubical, Flushing.
    Talents/Skills/Powers: Being rude, the ultimate potty mouth, foul mouthed being ever, cleaning his cubical in split seconds when he feels he wants to impress, Talking, Reading.
    Birth Order: #467894430239485847987437-1
    Family: His mother was a shower head.

    ~Past History~

    Hometown: Somewhere in America.
    Type of childhood: Crappy.
    First Memory: Somebody urinateing on him.
    Most important childhood event that still affects him/her: Being a toilet.
    How?: He's full of hate, but he does have a soft spot for a chosen few, but mostily, he's a jerk.
    Biggest role model: N/A
    Why?: He doesn't look up to anybody.


    Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 1/3

    Joe is standing over Talking Toilet urinating peacefully.
    Joe whistles to him self.
    Talking Toilet's eyes open.

    Talking Toilet
    Hey!
    Wha!
    What do you think you're doing to me!?

    Joe is seen startled

    Joe
    Oh my god!
    mother of hell!
    What the FUCK!?

    Talking Toilet
    What the FUCK, What the FUCK!?
    What do you mean what the FUCK!
    What the FUCK YOU, buddy!
    Come in here, piss on a guy while he's sleeping...

    Joe
    You can talk!?

    Talking Toilet
    You're damn right I can talk!
    I can talk and life is shit!

    Joe zips up his fly.

    Talking Toilet
    Y'know.
    You're awfully rude!

    Joe
    Rude?
    I'm not rude, you just scared me.

    Talking Toilet
    Ah who gives a dead goldfish?
    Shrimp dick!
    I don't interrupt you whist you're talking not to mention the whole pissing on me routine!

    Joe
    But you're a toilet?

    Talking Toilet
    So?
    No one asked to be born.
    Do you think I wanted to be a toilet?
    Giving a shower head a mother's day card, do you think I wanted that?
    Do you think I...

    Joe
    I've got to get back to work.

    Int Gas Station Bathroom. Scene 2/3

    The cubical can be seen with it's door half open.
    A door can be seen closed.
    On the wall is mirrors, hand dryers.
    Joe is at the sink washing his hands.
    Talking Toilet can be heard in the back ground

    Joe
    I did not hear that.
    That did not happen.
    Get a grip Joe!
    That did not happen, last time I go out drinking,
    that did not happen...

    Talking Toilet
    Hey!
    I hope you can hear me!
    Hey!
    Rude mother Fucker!
    Hey!
    Hey!

    Joe walks towards the closed door, looking a little bit frightened.

    Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 3/3

    Shot directly on Talking Toilet.
    His eyes look alert.
    Snd EFX Door Hinge Open/Close​


    His eyes look pissed off

    Talking Toilet
    Bitch!​

    Snd EFX Toilet Flush​

    End.


    Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 1/9

    Talking Toilet is seen fast asleep.
    A car can be heard pulling up and stopping.
    The cubical is a mess.

    Talking Toilet
    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Snd EFX Car Pulling UP
    Snd EFX Hand break
    Snd EFX Car door Opening


    Talking Toilet
    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Int Gas Station Day. Scene 2/9

    Joe & Jon are seen manning the counter.
    The Gas Station is empty apart from Joe & Jon.

    Joe
    Oh my god!
    I think that's Eva Longoria!


    Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 3/9

    Talking Toilet is still fast asleep
    The cubical is a sorry mess.

    Jon
    You're right!
    It is Eva Longoria!

    Talking Toilet wakes up, eyes alert

    Talking Toilet
    Wah?
    Huh?

    Int Gas Station Day. Scene 4/9

    Joe & Jon are seen manning the counter.
    The Gas Station is empty apart from Joe & Jon.

    Joe
    She's parked her car, just remember Jon, play it cool.
    Business as usual.

    Jon
    Right.

    Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 5/9

    Talking Toilet looks anxious.
    The cubical is still messy.
    Snd EFX Main Door


    Int Gas Station Day. Scene 6/9

    Joe & Jon are manning the counter, Eva Longoria is seen standing at the counter being served.

    Jon
    What can we do for you Ms. Longoria?

    Eva Longoria
    I need the key to your bathroom please.

    Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 7/9

    Talking Toilet looks nervous.
    The cubical is an awful mess.
    Flies can be seen to indicate how foul smelling the cubical is.

    Joe
    Certainly ma'am, I'll get it for you right away.

    Talking Toilet stops looking nervous.

    Talking Toilet
    Right!
    Time to do something!

    Int Gas Station Day. Scene 8/9

    Eva Longoria
    Thank you boys.

    Eva Longoria walks over to the Bathroom door.

    Int Gas Station Bathroom. Scene 9/9

    The whole bathroom looks clean.
    Classy music can be heard playing from a radio.
    The cubical door is wide open.
    Talking Toilet is seen wearing a bow tie.
    There is a bokay of roses next to the Toilet.
    Eva Longoria is seen standing in the bathroom.

    End.

    Issue #1 lol

    [​IMG]

    So basically, Talking Toilet is the most foul mouthed potty mouth pissed off being ever, and he's a toilet.
  2. WELCOME TO THE GHETTO




    "oh my god...


    we re-wrote this"



    welcome to the ghetto


    we got what you need


    we know every single dealer


    so today we deal you weed


    but if today you find I'm unkind


    then find the bitch who crossed me


    you lookin' for some more to smoke


    yet nothin' comes for free




    (CHORUS)


    in the ghetto


    welcome to the ghetto


    now your ass is gonna, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, choke, choke,


    I, I wanna see that dick croak



    welcome to the ghetto


    the ghetto where we blaze


    the cops don't care


    so we don't go so us dealers gotta raise


    n' she's got a very nice ass


    that's a nice ass to me


    but that ass was in S.W.9


    n' now we see Tweety


    in the ghetto


    grief in Heath better let go


    let go, let, let, let go of me


    y'know... you just another fucker'ree




    (GUITAR BRIDGE)




    welcome to the ghetto


    summer's we live out on the street


    we really don't give a fuck


    at any sucker who brings their heat


    n' it's all true what we say


    said I've seen it yesterday


    Ricky was the king of Bricky


    but then Shannel blew his ass away




    (SND EFX: GUN SHOT X2)




    (CHORUS)


    in the ghetto


    welcome to the ghetto


    now your ass is gonna, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, choke, choke,


    I, I wanna see that dick croak




    when they come, they come to, they come to bust my fun


    my fun my fun my fun...


    RAHHHHHHH...


    ...TID! (rarted)




    (GUITAR SOLO)





    you know how this life goes


    it's death by me or an S.T.D


    so why you wanna try


    in the ghetto


    welcome to the ghetto


    now your ass is gonna, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, choke, choke,


    in the ghetto


    welcome to the ghetto


    watch her, her, her,


    her from S.W.9


    ghetto


    welcome to the ghetto


    now your ass is gonna, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, ch, choke, choke,


    only in the ghetto


    welcome to the ghetto


    now your ass is...


    your ass is mine


    yeah!





    [​IMG]

    A parody to the Guns N' Roses song Welcome to the Jungle that I wrote called
    Welcome to the Ghetto. My PERSONAL Welcome to the Jungle, written by me, for me, somethng I once wanted to gig with but didn't, my parody to Welcome to the Jungle (packed full of personal names and places and stuff, ect...)

    Here, sing my song along to this: