Every girl imagines that her first kiss will be something special, romantic and...perfect, I guess that's the word I'm looking for.
I had my first kiss a few nights ago, and it was romantic but definitely not perfect and far from being as amazing as we're led to believe in books, magazines and movies.
I don't know what else to say. Haha. Kind of gross, really. I mean, people go on about how gross touching something that someone else has licked or spat on, but you're letting someone else do exactly that inside you bloody mouth everytime you kiss them!!!
My opinion on kissing certainly wasn't helped when my best friend decided to share with me a random fact she picked up the very next day: If you get someone else's saliva (I think that's how you spell it) in your mouth it stays in there for three weeks afterwards. How gross is that?!
I don't totally regret giving away my first kiss though. I mean, it was with a special guy and it was the right setting. It just wasn't totally how I expected it to be and I was a bit shocked. Haha. It didn't help that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing! People always say that these things come naturally to us, but I tell you what, I had to concentrate very hard for something that's supposed to come naturally.
My Dad is officially a tyrant. Now, I know what you're thinking: a physical abuse case; he beats her up. He doesn't, just so you know. But is physical abuse the only thing that makes a tyrant a tyrant? Can't it be verbal abuse, control issues, illusions of importance?
My first few complaints are going to sound childish and selfish.
First and foremost, because this is what has caused be to vent in this blog, he has barged into my house and forced me to move back in with him, here in this house miles from nowhere. For no comprehensible reason on the planet!!! (I did mention control issues).
He's such a hyprocrite when it comes to things related to our religion. He's always lecturing me about bible principles and what I'm doing wrong and what I need to fix. I don't see him doing any such thing!! He lies, he doesn't fulfill his 'God-ordained responsibilities'. That's his favourite line in every lecture. He neglects every responsibility he has! Sure, he gets food on the table. But to what cost? He's submerged in debt and continues to borrow thousands. What if he had an accident? Who would pay for it all then?
He claims he has no time for anything, but watches three movies a day out in his shed, not working! He spends three days making a motorbike track and then another three riding on it with his mates!! He has time when he wants to do something, but he has no time for anyone else.
My Mum works parttime, trying to make up for the money he doesn't make. But what does he do? Take her money to buy more crap to fill up his great, big, overflowing shed.
Mum tries to start her own buisness in a small shop. He says he's all for it, but tears down every amazing idea she has, telling her it won't work. HE WON'T STAND FOR IT! Since when is it his decision? It's her buisness!
His temper is frightening. I have nightmares about it frequently. One minute everything will be normal, tranquil even. Next...CABOOM!! His head and explodes and the rest of us duck for cover.
I said that this isn't a physical abuse case. Not for me. I think he might have hit Mum a couple of times. She's had handprints on her cheek a couple of times. When his temper flares, you have to be careful what you say...or do. I had short hair, like a boy's, for years because he used it to pull me back to him one time when I tried to walk away. I've had thousands of arguments with him, literally. I always stand on the other side of a table or something.
I'm so scared for Bryce. He still gets shocked when Dad blows up. I'm so scared that one day he'll stand up to Dad and they'll end up having a punch up.
Mum has an elderly friend who doesn't like my Dad. He also happens to have $200 000 just sitting in the bank. He doesn't need it.
She has a scheme, Mum does. Ask her friend if she can borrow $100 000 thousand dollars to buy and renovate a small house closer to town (renovate as in make suitable to live in). She already knows which one. She's going to divorce my dad and live there. Away from his tyrany. Wherever Mum goes I go.
But I feel so guilty. I love my dad. He is my dad. How can I not love him? But he's bordering on insane. But there's nothing I can do. I can scream all I want. But there's no one else who will hear either, because there's nothing they can do to help.
Can anyone tell me why time goes so fast? It really sucks. I mean, the times that you want to go on forever, that you want to last longer, go so fast it's like they never happened. But things that you'd rather forget, that you want to rush right through, go sooo slow that you can be nothing but certain that they happened. Maybe this is the reason for people's inabilty to focus on the good things most of the time. Because the bad things seem to last so long, that the good things are like fleeting dreams that have never happened. Like holidays have been soo fun. They're supposed to last six weeks, but it only feels like a couple of days. Soon I'll be back at school again, and everything's going to end. Soon these holidays will be a dream and the rest of the year will be the reality. Good times will be there sure, but the bad times will almost easily overshadow them. So, my new year's resolution is to focus on the good, because there's too much bad to focus on. The good things will keep me going, but the bad things will make me want to lie down and give up on the world. So here's for the fleeting dream of the good times!!
Cities are big and full of people. You rarely bump into anyone you know, so you don't necessarily have to talk to anyone if you don't want to. There is plenty of 'scope for the imagination' as L.M. Montgomery put it. Everybody looks different in someway and there's always something going on. It's busy and loud; nothing like a quiet country town mainly inhabited by retirees in nursing homes and old farmers with nothing to talk about but the rain that's been promising to come for ten years now. In the city, if you want to go shopping, you can jump in the car, drive for ten minutes and enjoy the day. You don't have to take into account the two hours it's going to take you to get to the nearest shop from way out whoop whoop. I walk around the block is a few hundred meters, not a three hour power walk around the fenceline of a farmer's block. The libraries in the city are huge; with three levels and lounging areas with a river view. Your friends are two minutes up the road and only a quick phone call away. You don't have to spend a week organising who's going to come pick them up or drop them off. They can walk up the street and back, no transport required. There's more time to get your homework and last minute assignments done in the city, because there's not an hour's bus ride home from school it's just around the corner. You don't have to get up at six o'clock in the morning to catch the bus, you can sleep in and still arrive on time. These are just a few things I love about the city. Maybe I'll think of more later.
The last couple of weeks of school are the worst. You're sick of school and just want to be on holidays (baking a heap of wonderful cakes and getting rid of that horrible sock tan that comes from wearing sneakers every day). Anyways, I guess in the last two weeks of school you don't have anymore exams and you can just kick back bludge. Me and a couple of friends even skipped class today and didn't get in trouble. lol. Haha. I hope we get to go to the beach these hols, or got water skiing. Next year will be really good because we'll have a whole heap of different subjects to choose from. (our school has just completely gone over it's system and completely changed everything.) Soooo, all those people above the equator a probably jealous because it's summer here at the moment, but I'm seriously jealous because you get to hang out in the snow and I've never seen snow before!!! So we all have reasons to be jealous!!! haha
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