On April the 12th 2009 (last sunday- easter sunday in fact) I became a woman. Officially, that is. I dont mean to say that I haven't felt, or acted like a woman since I was about 12, though I have flown off the handle a few times (as it is within my teenaged right to do so!).
Being eighteen somehow feels different, though I cannot think exactly why...maybe moving on to different things and being in a trusting relationship has made me wiser.
I really do love Matthew. It isn't this pretentious 'love' that is declared just because it's expected of a relationship, or a long-term relationship atleast. This one is for real. I feel love for him in every sense of the word. The other day, I cried because I thought that somebody had taken advantage of his good nature, and it hurt my heart physically just thinking of somebody walking all over him just because he's the nice guy.
When I see those big, beautiful green eyes glowing back at me, my heart throbs with love for him. Every moment spent with him is heaven.
He treats me like his princess. He really is a true gentlemen. Kind, loving, affectionate, sweet, handsome, and an absolute genius.
For my birthday he wrote me an absolutely beautiful poem on the back of one of my favourite photos of us. It was in my favourite poetry style, too! (Haiku), and it was written as a sort of story of our relationship so far.
He also gave me a beautiful fountain pen, to symbolise my love for writing, and I shall use that for all my note-taking from now on.
He then took me to a lovely spanish restaurant, and I stayed at his house all week (we were alone! yay!) and he drove me around everywhere, taking me out to all kinds of places..
As if that wasn't sweet enough, he'd planned a birthday surpirise for me. It was a trip to the city of love - paris! It rained that day, but we didn't care - it was our special day together and I loved every second of it. We had lunch in at a lovely place, and we both bought hand-made notebooks and chocolates. He also bought me a gorgeous rockabilly handbag from this really cool shop in paris, as yet another birthday gift!
Honestly, when it comes to romance Matty is far too generous with his money - he's always treating me. Not that I dont treat him But he is also generous with his heart. He is genuinely kind and good hearted, and treats everybody with smiles and respect. Some people think they can take advantage of that, or hurt him, or use him - but not anymore. Not while I'm around. There is nothing I wouldn't do to protect my Matthew - and maybe he doesn't always need my protection, but it's there, and always will be.
All this was just for me on my birthday, and even when it isn't my birthday, he seems to do nothing but give, both emotionally and physyically and...magically. I feel so utterly spoiled - I just dont deserve somebody as amazing, sweet and giving as him...
I mean, i'm not saying that love is just an emotional thing either (and it certainly isn't all about presents and gifts -matty is very loving and affectionate, and that's all i need) - it's expressed verbally and physically, but only ever really felt deep down inside. Even still, every passionate night spent with him is absolute heaven; I love every moment of it, and spending whole nights entwined with him and his beautiful body is the most perfect thing i've ever experienced.
We cook together, go out together, write together, fall asleep together, make love, laughter, beautiful memories, photographs...god, even arguments are blissful because they're totally about our love.
Now that i'm home and he's due back at univeristy, I already feel like i've been split in half. Living with him is absolute bliss - I never get tired or annoyed with being around him 24/7 - ever. And that certainly isnt like me, haha.
Even though I know i'll be back with him this weekend (My baby travels down every weekend just to be with me :redface: even though he's so busy) I still feel like the better half of me is missing. My bed will be very lonely tonight. Even showering on my own feels odd, because he isnt there with me, washing my hair or being all cute and naughty.
Doing normal things without him just feels lonely. But I know I have all these beautiful thoughts, memories, photo's and such to remind me of the wonderful times we have together, and remind me that i'll be seeing him again in just a few days.
He's made this the most amazing birthday and four months that i've ever had in my life, and I hope with all my heart that I get to have many, many more with him.
Despite what anyone else thinks of me - Matthew will always love me, just as I love him. He tells me everyday...and I can truly say that's all that matters to me now.
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