Beginning of Chapter 1 of "A Road of Honor"

By captain kate · Jan 30, 2009 · ·
  1. as before, comments are welcome!


    The nurses and orderlies kept a close eye on the patient, their information forwarded to Doctor Matthews. They all had been involved in Matthews’ experiments and knew the importance of the woman sleeping comfortably on the bed. With that knowledge, drugs had been administered to her to ensure she would be rested and on Arlington before she awoke.

    A nurse approached the bed, her eyes on the scanner over the patient’s head. She read the information and kept her face an unreadable mask. Her friends had told her at lunch that new monitoring equipment had been installed. Rumor had it that Reyes had units that were capable of reading lips placed in the medical bay. It brought a new meaning to the term ‘the walls had ears.’

    The young woman had responded to their treatment, and that was a relief. The patient had been in bad shape when arriving to them, and it was touch and go while in surgery. It was hard for her to believe that a single pulse grenade could have done so much damage to one human body.

    The nurse had been in medicine for many years, and she had never seen injuries like their patient had suffered. She shivered, a mental image of the young woman’s limbs in her mind. The fiendish darts had shredded the muscles in the patient’s arms and shattered her bones. However, what the grenade had done to her arms was light years behind what it had done to her legs. There was nothing left but grisly pieces of muscles holding her lower extremities in place. The nurse had raged silently while they worked to save the girl’s life. There was nothing that sickened her more then man’s abuse towards a beautiful woman.

    With a gentle hand, the nurse touched the new skin on her patient’s face. The grenade had done two more items of damage to the woman, and those had been personal to the nurse. Call it luck, or a freak injury, but the darts had struck the patient in the face. The young woman didn’t stand a chance, and her eyes had been destroyed. However, it was the last injury that had made the nurse weep bitterly in the sanctuary of her quarters.

    A small number of darts, no more then five, had penetrated the patient’s abdomen. They had penetrated her uterus, the entry wounds small but the exit wounds the weapons made were gaping. Doctor Matthews, when faced with the severity of the injury, had no choice but to remove her organs.

    A nineteen-year-old girl will never be able to have kids again, she thought. All due to the hatred and violence of a man!

Comments

  1. Capt.Ahab
    hm, that is a very interesting plot indeed. I would be careful however in a futuristic setting as this. There will be plenty of scientific and futuristic terms that we as the reader won't know and will rely on you the author to explain them to us. Now the main problem is not explaining them, but doing so in a way that you're not contradicting to other logics or laws.

    Careful with that last paragraph. The "again" leads me to believe this woman has already had children? Is that so? In the previous entry you let me know that she was an orphan with no known family and was a gladiator. I'm a bit confused on the whole gladiator thing, but figured that it would be covered in later sections, but would this young woman, growing up as an orphan and then a gladiator be interested in having children at all? I would have to think survival would be a more important issue.

    Now the nurse gives hints to her own background by the way she describes the treatment of the young woman. It also reveals that this nurse is also an important character because she does have a background. She is more well rounded than being completely flat. If she is not an important character, then I wouldn't put much more detail in her thoughts or opinion, because that only characterizes her more.

    It is still too early to actually give a decent review because I still don't know enough about the characters or story. It makes me want to read more so I can put the pieces together. As for anything grammar related... I'm not the one for that job. It definitely has me interested though. Good Job.
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