I have lain beside you for hours while we slept. I have felt you breathe, felt your arm over my chest, felt the way youd spasm and hold me tighter, as if even in dreaming you were aware of how far I had slipped from you, how distant I had become.
I have heard your laughter, felt your smile against my lips. I have held your slender fingers in mine as we walked, sat, made love. I have seen you angry, confused, hurt, I have even seen you cry...warm salty tears shed at the thought of losing me, at the knowledge that we were not destined to be forever.
I have known you, I have loved you. I have put you before myself more often than I care to remember.
So why is it that while I sit here and see your words as plain as day in front of me, I feel like I have no idea who you are?
Why do I feel as though the man telling me he will not fight for us, for me, for something I had believed to be better and more important than anything in my life, is a total and complete stranger?
Why do I feel as though I have lost you?
I have listened to you sing along to our favorite songs, I have stood outside the shower and laughed as shampoo filled your eyes and you screamed. I have loved you, in ways I will never love anyone else.
I had thought that would be enough.
Now I see I was wrong.
Where I had seen hope, seen light, you saw only the end.
And I am alone in my sadness and regret.
I have known you.
I have loved what I knew.
And now I am saddened to find, that I don't really know you anymore.
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