I'm an idiot.

Published by Rei in the blog Rei's blog. Views: 119

For three days, I spent the evening with a wonderfylly kind, gentle, young man. Very innocent and nervous. I feel so safe and paceful with him. I felt so peaceful that I thought I could finally, safely, send a message to my ex saying that I forgive him for everything he did wrong, and that I hoped he could find it in his heart to forgive me for what I did. He responded with pure anger and hatred, blamed me for everything that went wrong. I tried leaving him so many times, but he always guilted me into staying, and he hates me for how long he put up with me. He said I desvered everything he did to me and he desvered none of it, no matter how many times he lied to me, no matter how many times he took everyone's side in a conflict but mine, no matter how many times he would never stand up for me or take five seconds to think about how I felt.

I thought I could try again to not have to be alone. I thought I was ready, but I'm not. I desvere to be alone. It will upset this new friend, but it will only hurt him more in the long run if I don't cut things short now.
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