Sun Rise

So...it's early and I am awake. The crickets are still chirping. LOL

Hmmm...anyway, I am alone with my thoughts at the moment. The phone wont start blowing up for at least another hour and I have all of my chores done...I was busy.

I feel the need to unload my thoughts, this is something I used to do while writing my Morning Pages on a regular basis, but, over time has gotten away from. It is quite therapeutic, raw, honest, and rare. I just write my thoughts without stopping...here goes.

I am listening to Norah Jones sing Sun Rise, how fitting...this is how I got the idea for my title. I might make it a standing tradition...maybe. My flighty mind will jump from one idea to another, so, I don't expect it to stand.

My mind is running this morning, running from my kids, to my ex husband...who needs to settle down...my ex fiancé, who needs to get laid, and my family. My family...I hope they are well, everything I am is due to them...and a certain friend who shall remain nameless. A certain friend, who for the life of me is drifting. I wonder how long we can hold on to our friendship?

Sometimes letting of something is the only way you can grow. I should know, I have let go of a lot lately. Or so it seems.
(The workers are here to start renovation on my house. Please God, give me strength.)

The one constant thought that continues to haunt me is the fact that I have nobody to have fun with. I have no one to share my day with. I have no one to laugh with over stupid stuff. I realize I miss making strawberry or blueberry pancakes on a Saturday morning and sharing them and coffee, in bed with my lover. I miss slow dancing in the living room, or reading quietly by the fire, while my other is reading the paper, or sleeping soundly beside me. I miss walks on the beach after the tourists are gone. I know it will come again, I am sure I will not be alone forever...but, I miss it now...this moment.

Those are the things I took for granted when times were good, sadly, the bad times washed out those fantastic moments. I am reminded of a song by Vince Gill..."Let's Make Sure We Kiss Goodbye". In it he sings about how fast things can change in a relationship, how quickly our emotions can run shallow. We should hold on as long as we can, making it the best we can.

The workers parked and left...thank God.
So, all is quiet again. Perfect...I sip my coffee. I wonder how this day go? I wonder what wonderful things I will discover and what will remain with me when the day is through? Life can be exciting. I always tend to focus on the bad...I am learning to find joy in the tiny good things....they are what carries us through.

My new friend is turning out to be an absolute delight, a new facet is being cut into me and I am quite happy for it. I love how interesting people heighten our sense of all things new. I love how we never know who we are going to meet one day to the next. The connection is always an exciting ride.

My thoughts are flowing, weaving a tale of who I am...like ribbons dancing in the wind. Ribbons, hmmm...a dear friend once called me that...my how the years do fly.