Talking Toilet

Published by Robert James Burrows in the blog Robert James Burrows's blog. Views: 133

Talking Toilet

~Character Info~

Name: Talking Toilet
Meaning of Name: He's a toilet, that talks.
Origin of Name: My toilet.
Species: Toilet
Age: 1
Sex: Male
Nationality: American (but made in France.)
Birth Date: Unknown.
Birth Place: A porcelain toilet factory just outside of Paris.
Current Residence: A gas station somewhere in America.
Occupation: Toilet.
Hobbies/Pastimes: Self Hate, Flirting, reading magazines people leave in his cubical, Flushing.
Talents/Skills/Powers: Being rude, the ultimate potty mouth, foul mouthed being ever, cleaning his cubical in split seconds when he feels he wants to impress, Talking, Reading.
Birth Order: #467894430239485847987437-1
Family: His mother was a shower head.

~Past History~

Hometown: Somewhere in America.
Type of childhood: Crappy.
First Memory: Somebody urinateing on him.
Most important childhood event that still affects him/her: Being a toilet.
How?: He's full of hate, but he does have a soft spot for a chosen few, but mostily, he's a jerk.
Biggest role model: N/A
Why?: He doesn't look up to anybody.

Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 1/3

Joe is standing over Talking Toilet urinating peacefully.
Joe whistles to him self.
Talking Toilet's eyes open.

Talking Toilet
What do you think you're doing to me!?

Joe is seen startled

Oh my god!
mother of hell!
What the FUCK!?

Talking Toilet
What the FUCK, What the FUCK!?
What do you mean what the FUCK!
What the FUCK YOU, buddy!
Come in here, piss on a guy while he's sleeping...

You can talk!?

Talking Toilet
You're damn right I can talk!
I can talk and life is shit!

Joe zips up his fly.

Talking Toilet
You're awfully rude!

I'm not rude, you just scared me.

Talking Toilet
Ah who gives a dead goldfish?
Shrimp dick!
I don't interrupt you whist you're talking not to mention the whole pissing on me routine!

But you're a toilet?

Talking Toilet
No one asked to be born.
Do you think I wanted to be a toilet?
Giving a shower head a mother's day card, do you think I wanted that?
Do you think I...

I've got to get back to work.

Int Gas Station Bathroom. Scene 2/3

The cubical can be seen with it's door half open.
A door can be seen closed.
On the wall is mirrors, hand dryers.
Joe is at the sink washing his hands.
Talking Toilet can be heard in the back ground

I did not hear that.
That did not happen.
Get a grip Joe!
That did not happen, last time I go out drinking,
that did not happen...

Talking Toilet
I hope you can hear me!
Rude mother Fucker!

Joe walks towards the closed door, looking a little bit frightened.

Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 3/3

Shot directly on Talking Toilet.
His eyes look alert.
Snd EFX Door Hinge Open/Close​

His eyes look pissed off

Talking Toilet

Snd EFX Toilet Flush​


Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 1/9

Talking Toilet is seen fast asleep.
A car can be heard pulling up and stopping.
The cubical is a mess.

Talking Toilet

Snd EFX Car Pulling UP
Snd EFX Hand break
Snd EFX Car door Opening

Talking Toilet

Int Gas Station Day. Scene 2/9

Joe & Jon are seen manning the counter.
The Gas Station is empty apart from Joe & Jon.

Oh my god!
I think that's Eva Longoria!

Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 3/9

Talking Toilet is still fast asleep
The cubical is a sorry mess.

You're right!
It is Eva Longoria!

Talking Toilet wakes up, eyes alert

Talking Toilet

Int Gas Station Day. Scene 4/9

Joe & Jon are seen manning the counter.
The Gas Station is empty apart from Joe & Jon.

She's parked her car, just remember Jon, play it cool.
Business as usual.


Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 5/9

Talking Toilet looks anxious.
The cubical is still messy.
Snd EFX Main Door

Int Gas Station Day. Scene 6/9

Joe & Jon are manning the counter, Eva Longoria is seen standing at the counter being served.

What can we do for you Ms. Longoria?

Eva Longoria
I need the key to your bathroom please.

Int Gas Station Toilet Cubical. Scene 7/9

Talking Toilet looks nervous.
The cubical is an awful mess.
Flies can be seen to indicate how foul smelling the cubical is.

Certainly ma'am, I'll get it for you right away.

Talking Toilet stops looking nervous.

Talking Toilet
Time to do something!

Int Gas Station Day. Scene 8/9

Eva Longoria
Thank you boys.

Eva Longoria walks over to the Bathroom door.

Int Gas Station Bathroom. Scene 9/9

The whole bathroom looks clean.
Classy music can be heard playing from a radio.
The cubical door is wide open.
Talking Toilet is seen wearing a bow tie.
There is a bokay of roses next to the Toilet.
Eva Longoria is seen standing in the bathroom.


Issue #1 lol


So basically, Talking Toilet is the most foul mouthed potty mouth pissed off being ever, and he's a toilet.
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