The beginning

As I force myself to remember, to go back in time to a place before the troubles n pain. I remember there was happiness n joy to be spoiled by my parents, to be loved or to feel loved, to be the jewel in their eyes, to be doted on by family friends. But it wasn't perfect there were problems i know that but I never really knew how bad it was. At the time we lived with a couple of family friends. They were really nice people they even gave me my english name " Amy" cuz they told my dad that I should have an English name since we're in Canada now plus they don't want me to have a hard time in school, so Amy it is and has always been. I always thought they were weird people cuz sometimes they tend to wake me up in the middle of the night to take me out on walks or even for a car ride, I never thought anything about it until they went on vacation n I had to see what they were trying so hard to hide me from.
One night, I was woken up by lots of yelling and screaming it scared me, I waited in bed hoping it would stop but it never did so i got up to see what was going on. As i walk towards the nosie, the closer i got the more scared i got. when i was finally able to see what was going on i got so scared i froze unable to move or make a sound, so i just stood there and watched. i watched as my parents stood there fighting my mom was yelling at my dad saying how he lost all the money and now there is no more money for anything and on and on she went. The longer i stood there the more i heard the scarer i got for as i look from my dads face to my mothers, i didnt understand why my mother wouldnt just stop the look on my dads face was one i have never seen before so hard n emotionless like as if it was made of stones and just as i thought that my dad raised his hand and as it came down it made contact with my mother's face and before i knew it my mother too fell to the ground unmoving and her eyes ur closed, at that moment i forgot about being scared, i ran to my mother shaking her trying to wake her. i looked up at my dad as tears were running down my face and my vision a bit blurred but i saw the regret and the shame that came over him, he reached out to touch me but i pulled away and then my mother started to stir and as her eyes started to open my dad slowly backed away and went downstairs, now its just me and my mother. i was so glad that she seemed ok but alll of a sudden she grabbed my arm so hard i wanted to scream but i knew if i did then my dad might come back so i clamped my mouth shut and try to pull away but i couldnt, and as my mother sat up and we looked into eachothers eyes i was confused to what i saw there, she was angry not at my dad cause he was no longer there she was mad at me and in a very cold and emotionless voice she said to me " its all because of you, this is all ur fault " and then she shoved me out of the way and started walking towards the bedroom.
as i sat there all by myself wondering what did she mean "its my fault" what have i done i really dont understand and at that very mmoment there was no one to go to...