Daniel Nov 28, 2007
Looking good so far, IMO. It'd be interesting to see how you you continue from here. Looks like a great introduction to the story.

One grammatical thing: He even made up a song for me, that he recorded on a cassette tape, for whenever he wasn’t around to give me a lullabye, and a goodnight kiss..

Sort of a run-on. Or at least looks like it at 1 a.m. :p Try dividing it into two sentences.