The scourge of pop songs mentioning being 'in the club'

Published by Mackers in the blog Mackers's blog. Views: 136

The most boring cliche that exists in music today hands down, with Will.i.am and Britney Spears the latest culprit to offend my sensibilities. Their song, 'scream and shout', holds the record in my opinion for the song that has made the greatest endeavour in the pursuit of remoulding music exclusively in the shape of lukewarm diarrhoea. In fact, they might just have achieved it with this one. Listening to this song not only offends me, but when I turn the channel over to it I almost feel complicit in that I've connected some sort of sluice which allows sewage to seep through my speakers and into my living room. And the only one responsible for this mess is me, when I didn't turn it over. I sort of watch it in a catatonic state, blinking only occasionally, wondering whether Britney Spears is actually a lizard dressed in a costume of Britney Spears.

I honestly believe Will.i.am could get some recording equipment, hover over a toilet bowl, and fart into the equipment for three minutes solid and release it as a song. Hell, it would probably reach number one in the UK.

Running 'in the club' a close second in terms of mind-numbingly stupid lyrics is telling the DJ to turn it up. There are previous offenders too many to mention that have graced the charts with this lyric. Sometimes it comes in variations, as in the aforementioned Britney Spears monstrosity where she implores the DJ, in a bizarre British accent, to 'turn that shiiiit up'. No we will not turn it up Britney because the DJ clearly has it up full to eleven and it simply does not go any higher...You might blow the speakers you insatiable party-head, you.

Pitbull gets a notable mention for snippets of lyrical genius that continue in much the same vein. He is a great champion of being on the floor, repeating the word 'party', and of just being a general pleb. No more needs to be said, other than that he uttered the timeless phrase where he went from 'negative to positive' fifteen years after Notorious B.I.G.

Chris Brown and ne-yo also get a mention. Telling the DJ to 'not stop/don't stop' is encouraging the DJ to break the law unless 'the club' has a late license fee. They probably don't in which case the bar should close, the party is over, and the bouncers should promptly boot every single drunken cretin out of the club before everybody starts fightin. That's how it works in Ireland anyway.

Let's not forget those little douche bags from One Direction with their maddeningly insincere lyrics like, 'You're insecure, don't know what fore' (Yea I'm sure they've met many girls with the old fabled ugly duckling complex, suuuuuureee) I just have to mention that slow song they sing that never fails to make me retch, the one about how they don't mind a girl with freckles on her face and about how they don't care how she can't squeeze into her jeans. These are lyrics from a bunch of hedonistic corporate man-children who single-handedly induced a craze about floppy hair and chinos. Now, come on. Are young girls really that dumb? I hope not.

Of course I know this is pop music. I know that many of these tracks are intended, funnily enough, for either being played 'in the club', or are aimed at a specific demographic of which I don't fall into (Like fourteen year old little girls) But would it be controversial to say that chart music is more creatively bankrupt now than it's ever been?

....If so, THE WORLD IS FOOKED. Cultural dark age and all that garb.
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