Why am i different!!!

Published by Leaka in the blog Change. Views: 77

I feel there is a double standard going on. I feel like I am the different person and that no one likes me.
That no one wants anything to do with me. I ask them if they would like to help me out or like to play something with me. They are to "busy", but they go around to other people's stuff and they aren't to busy.
How does that work?
That is a double standard that I don't get, I don't like. It makes me angry, frustrated, and it makes me mad at the people who were to "busy" and to the people who get the special treatment.
And it really does feel like those people have special treatment.
Like those people they will make time for, but for me they could care less.
I don't like being excluded.
I don't like being the punching bag or every one liner of everyone's joke. I don't like being the one everyone is hush hush about.
They probably are telling each other cruel whispers about me at this very moment in time.
Why am I so different?
What makes me not liked?
What makes me the joke?
What makes me the punching bag?
Why does everyone hate me?
I have only tried my best to make the other happy. And when I tried to give back. Because I feel I owe them something they lie straight to my face.
I don't want to be lied to.
Just tell it to my face.
TELL ME NOW THAT YOU HATE ME!
TELL ME NOW THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ANYTHING I DO!
TELL ME NOW THAT I AM NOT AS SPECIAL AS ANYONE IS AROUND!
TELL ME NOW THAT YOU LIKE USING ME AS YOUR JOKE!
JUST TELL ME NOW!!!!!!!
I am so tired of this.
Even on the internet I have no one. In real life I just have my family, but I'm not good at explaining myself And so they get mad at me.
At school I can't connect with anyone because I'm not a "goth", "emo", "gangster". Because I have decided not to be a fad. On the internet people misunderstand what I say.
They don't even ask me what I mean by it. They just assume. They just assume that I am this cruel and wicked person.
And then I am the one to get in the worse trouble.
I want to be told that you don't like me.
I want to be told NOW!
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