It's been sometime since I plugged my inner being into this side of the world. A small opening leaking some information, for those that choose to read it. It's once again like always, just another random thought script that landed in the "trash" while the lines are being executed. Something like the 'lives' we live, lives..? Wondering about it actually constructs some meaningful understanding that opens up the fact that we do live lives, and not just a life. The nobodies, although they seem meaningless they still remain connected to the main source that constructed them in the first place. If you take each thought-out thought you have, yes I mean the whole thing. It's like a movie that you live for a few seconds before you change your mind to pick, want it or not. Although it seems simple most people don't even realize the choices they make or made. Only after a long period they realize that it's either a wrong choice or a good choice. That brings back the old questions... The same old crap, I'm actually writing these words, on this blog, on this website, on this host, on this region, on this world, that is my world. For all that I know I'm writing this and later after posting it, I'll be reading it.? Makes no sense, right!... Okay so let go this way, I am alone in my world, and everything around me is populated by my Consciousness, or a thought in mind. So back to me reading this piece would start from one thought about "someone" reading it. That someone would be the illusion of other beings around me, and around the "world". So by the time I had the thought, about someone reading it, that thought triggered the illusion to read it, and maybe even leave a comment on it. "Beside the comment and someone reading it the piece is utterly pointless in sense..." Ever had that weird moment when you look at someone or notice someone, and you think within something about them or in your mind you say something to them or about them. Then in that moment of time, they look your way or even start speaking to you... "It's pretty mental..." To think that life is just a dream, with in a dream? Ever tried putting your hand through a wall? ...to tired to continue...
One lone nights wish, to stand light years away. lines and faces I see, I make points in space dwelling around, unknown in darkness it seems... "I still know I'm here safe and sound" I can feel the textures creeping up, my strain of thought with hungering divine, it may seem unreal but all so true. I believe... The feeling so pure the sound so clear, I see the place, the home I stay flying down the river vine, I meet myself inside the hay; sleeping in peace. State of mind, seems to change. Standing here a bush appear, inside the bush I see a snake constantly changing his fate "it's out to get me..." A serpents strike, I shook i fled... Death As I watch the walls start to change here it comes again, again and again the same mistake the same thought leads me to run, to hate; myself I need to go, I need too leave this hunger inside me seems to be; more than just this, these ideas I see, this voice inside me it clogs the master the person I am, the one I want to be. I wish I could leave and be, light years away something unknown, a star perhaps, just watching and shinning like the rest to be. For those who see may never know when I'm free, for the space between is far undone. As I wake, laying in blood, waters of tears I see my self... in a lone nights wish...
Consistent dwelling inside, out... Fearless peace wondering hunger, picking souls like picking money, a greedy beast. Wanting all and all in inside, out. Feeds on minds, all and all in vein. Master of trades, master of none the lies although dwell like fun, for this we see a coin taken, run, chased to death, chased to run... No where near the end since circles tend to begin, a void-less run in darkness where pain is nothing but fun. Don't see, but note, don't think, but say or they would hear the fear... You lost you won, choices undone, for he controls a play, another constant realm of puppet hunger, the master of strings, connected to all. Snip your string and see or die and be.
Constant conjunction of inner realms seeking a meaning in questions I lay before them, in means life, me, past, future basically the questions each and everyone go through everyday. It's always the same thing constantly, the only difference is the moment you realise it and what 'changed' in between that time. honestly... I think we are getting worst Ask yourself this ' What does the world mean to you? ' then after you read about it and thought about a few things that may have an effect on the end result, you read it again and ask yourself What does the world mean to me? Listen to this if you may, don't just listen to it hear it let it in and think and feel it, people tend to miss the actual song or message in most things. No wonder we are so messed up, in means that we are brain washed constantly by this 'Dark Cloud' that we don't even notice what's really going on around us. By 'Dark Cloud' I point to the 'People' sitting behind the media, lucky every now and then something 'Hopefully' close to truth pops-up. It's close. If I look back I see a lot of good memories, but worst more bad ones... Which ends up, asking myself 'Did I really have a good time here?' Is there one thought that I could look back on and say, You know if I die now I lived a happy life?. In most cases I have to say some people actually have those, these days most don't. Lucky and un-lucky for those that's growing up in this age. Mankind changed ever since, it's hard out there and it will never change no matter what people say, thus ending up all I said above means nothing, but maybe something triggers something inside someone. I have no point in this 'piece' I just wrote down what's inside my head, so please don't think I'm judging or whatever you can come up with, I'm just writing me... Other than that I guess, I'd say this: Rather enjoy life even if there's nothing to enjoy, I know it sounds stupid but I bet if you think about it for long enough you'll see it. ps. I didn't even read the whole thing twice, before I posted it... I will probly edit it later... But for now, I just had to get some stuff out keep in mind it's just personal writing.
seven pieces of grain swooping throughout my tips; a piece of mind for each, as stories wipe a grin; I see a post to each, a hook and within, another demon to commit a pin; a nail into suffering ain't none, while seven pieces fall undone. missing... falling seven pieces apart, another pin arise bind in hate, suffering smiles to seek reign in constant fear I start to run. Screaming... I end up near a pit with darkness on the way, I pray what you seek to say, will make your way what you think to say, will make you stay so seven pieces of grain past too another seven to start again with hope to spare seven more. I thought I'd write something in such a way that it locks so much inside, I don't know if I could call it similar to a riddle, but surly try...
But I have no idea what to think. The world moves on, constantly growing like a baby on mental steroids. Things I hate, here right at this moment writing this, makes me wonder; beside the fact that I'm thinking or wondering about the truth behind all of this, like is this real, a dream? besides that. I'm thinking 'wtf' are you actually busy with... What are you doing now that will have any effect on tomorrow or yesterday or now? Soon as that's done, next up comes the other thought; What's the reason for it, what if I change something now! what then? will I actually be happy or sad the next day. Not just the next day, constantly having thoughts about the past, constantly analysing every memory in detail... Makes me crazy... I had a reason for wanting to write this, and possibly writing it this way? I like to think in that way, because if you think about it, it kinda makes you wonder... Like this, I write it this way because it may have affect on someone else!? Even not, maybe affect in another way, like; Maybe someone reads this and sees an error my sentence in and then reply by fix it, or leave a comment on it. Now the interesting part is, what for. Say the person had a great day, they read this it may mess them up, or having a bad day, it could lift them in a way, say that someone fixed the error and they commented on it, they see that they are the first which kinda boosts the person "Keep it simple". Or it could change the way people see me... So many different things that could happen by one simple choice. I see reason in everything. Back to the actual reason I wanted to post this, because of total randomness, I never actually plan ahead, well it depends "on many things" I guess. I was wondering about life bah ha like everyone else... Anyway, my life to be more specific; | | that's it over a million words.... I once tried to make a spider web on paper, by writing down every thought I get and then obviously connected each of them. It didn't work... Pondering about the next step in 'life' hmmm what to do, what to do... I constantly have the a urge to pack up and leave the country, sell everything, get tickets, get visas and go... Go to where ever life takes me... But some other anti-decision thought pops up, and leaves that one hanging for a while, until it drops. And by drop meaning, something else came to mind... I hate when people ask me where do you see yourself in 10 years... Really?? I hope fucking dead... Then again I think well, I'm stuck here anyway it's not like some 'god' will grant me my wish... So onwards earth, 10 years from now... Part of a company or head of a company inside the game development section. I'm well on my way, but some days I find it really hard to even wake up, not being lazy or anything, its a thought about life which makes me unstable. I suck it up and venture on, work hard, and hard work some more... Chasing a dream, staying focused is obviously key, as well as the love for it. Nothing more I can say about the 10 years, it's not like the things I wanted 10 years back happened. "key" Not knowing what you want is a messy fuck-up... Right about here, I got out of juice for the day, either caused by my coffee being finished... or something else, I can still write on about plenty of things... But I don't feel like it, much to-do... Illusion, maybe its the best way to go about. Just fooling yourself everyday, lying to yourself only to be happy or actually hoping to be happy. or "Truth" Which in my mind is just another edited lie, or live life as it is, day by day not to worry about today, yesterday or tomorrow, which ends up thinking in the future anyway, so that's no good... "rent" Accepting life as it is, I will die. By that I like to think that, the only thing your actually doing everyday, is changing your life ending. "try re-thinking that question"
Note # 142 "Here I go again..." I nearly dropped the thing this time, I guess the moment is here, the feeling so pure. I can hear the cars and airlines coming and going in the distance, makes me feel so, so far away. Can you imagine? being here and not here at the same time. Reminds me 'Do need More of This' for the fact that it's much more interesting than the usual. "wow, if I touch something, it feels as if I somehow connect to it, for the moment it becomes part of me..." Eating a chocolate as in ' A all in one Bar ' thus having, chocolate, fruits, some kind of squishy jelly things, some stuff that's similar to rice krispies and most importantly a layer of caramel. In all means it's fucking divine, I mean it's like they say, Having an orgy of flavours in my mouth. It's amazing! Next I'll have a go at some flavoured milk... "People tend to get them self so locked up in a mental world, where at the point they crack they totally shatter into pieces..." I think everyone should at least once, go on the train so that Marry Jane could show you the way, in means obviously with the right mindset. What's life about anyway? As far as I'm concerned, you are supposed to enjoy it and make the best of it. Best bud used to say to me; "Man! What's the worst that can happen?" In my mind I came to conclusion that the worst that can happen, is either nothing, or death or utter blissfulness... "Pick your pick, it's all in the mind..." "Time to play and time to work. What you pick, you pick. Only know that once the choice is made there's no going back until the one is done." In a safe and controlled environment, usually filled with dullness and haze, a colourless space with no emotion. I feel relieved, all the shit taken from my shoulders. Now to be clear and to state that this feeling should not be mistaken for a 'run away' place or mindset. It's merely just a moment for actually feeling free, unchained... People shouldn't get confused when some abuse and some use for reason. "And remember taking the train every now and then makes life a little bit more interesting." A mind set, everything is in the mind, some have it strong some don't, feel sad for them that don't I guess... And some days I don't, in those day's I actually envy them, for the fact that they seem to have control over things much more easy than the one's like me. Always ending up with a thought, "Now?? Who's the crazy one's then??" maybe neither. "Over thinking things again??" I guess it's all in your reality and what you make of it, "Going to stop right there.... Before I go into a mental loop again... Go back to the milk..." Listening to into-the-wild by M&M I don't know about the rest, but I listen to this kinda music a lot more nowadays, I moved away from the stuff I used to listen to, although I still listen to the other stuff but I find this a lot more chilled. People should try it, it's truly amazing and very mental for me. It's different and most people I showed it to says it makes them either tired or they end up being bored. Don't know why, I call them the narrow minded zombie nation. "Let your mind flow, be up for something new, skip the same routine." Time warping, and with it the whole projected world around me, colours flowing and melting. Static outlines for each object, within my view... My world became alive just now... I think it's been 30mins already... "Where to next..." "Some parts remind me about the film - Into the wild - obviously that's what its about I guess." Can you imagine, leaving everything as it is, and just set upon a journey to where ever your mind takes you. - not so easy eh. "For all the amazing effects one could experience, I'd say do things by your own choice, we ain't animals, although Yes we tend to go on like them..." "Going on for awhile I only came to the last note, If I stop what will change and If I go on what will change then? In a way and another way they both seem to have the same ending, almost similar to life and death..." to be continued...
I can let go you know... " You always keep on saying stuff, to yourself... " I can go... " Go where? You know, that nothing here can help to justify the need to survive " I'm sure I'll be able to convince them, if not I'll save myself then... "Ain't life about yourself anyway?..." I guess, but sometimes it feels as if, the people around me keep you alive?! " You never know... You could only believe in the things your own mind generate. Not that you can even trust yourself..." I believe in myself not being you, although sometimes I see my self from your view, the inner me... "I have to say you are something else, something different... You differ from those around you..." And by that you mean? " Something I can relate to, you know we are still the same, the only difference is, your in my mind " Your mind? You really believe that? You see... the thing is, when I think I think for you, and you only think it's you since your world is projected by me. "Endless wonder, endless need... You still think that this is really you, your still inside that box you made and this 'you' is just another sophisticated illusion created by the one ruling both of us." I think the box ain't real, you see the things I have, and had. Now imagine being alive and trapped inside a 'box' or 'mind' of something you created to ease the way in this realm. Something that doesn't exist but only in your reality. In true form It's no different from the rest, just another capsule roaming 'earth' keeping a lock on the inner to avoid the 'system' from failing. " You know nothing ever makes sense. " I believe so... And still I'm the one in control and this life here, this moment of calmness 'sleeping' it's almost meaningless. When is the last time you really woke up? Can you really remember yesterday? " By your law, Mentally; everything that seem unreal don't exist, or ain't true... News flash nothing is true since you never really woke up you know. Or have you, what proof do you have that this 'you' can be really you? " Well at least I'm still in control and I can change my dream...... " What a way of controlling that dream you managed to write all of this, almost the same as the one I'm living in now... "
Back into my creeping hole I see a form watching about, as I watch I see inside a hole shadow connecting both a deceased thought arising in form a shadow as the dead Going deeper in the hole I reach a door by words I wish, I spoke a choice to believe another hope, to deceive the words I wish to believe arising in form, to hate To the side I step, another way formed by lies, connected to each a network of ways to go about should I stay or go another way today the same as yesterday lies pinned to the hart of life like a memory marked off by past arising in form to stay the same I see the hole thinking in past standing, watching my shadow in darkness, forming a hole arising in life to die again.
My throat burns... My lungs feel the sudden... As if oxygen left my lungs, only to fill it with milk. Leaving me with a scene of nothingness a moment in times space with absolutely no worry no thought. I notice time slowing down, o wait not just time it seems like everything is slowing down. I notice the unnoticed by means to thoughts that pass my mind, I see them differently almost everything seems unreal. Attempting to walk seems unnatural, my body feels like a piece of jelly. Wobbling around this room, I can feel each step even to the most inner parts of my body. Senses became extremely sensitive, things I see, smell, touch are much more interesting then ever before. Music oh oh, what a wonderful 'thing', so as if I can use it to unravel mysteries, although now it seems to guide my body my mind my everything, all onto a wave. This wave takes me to the next realm I seek to feel free within. My inner thoughts play me a riddle, 'let go, let go, let go'. The fear of losing reality may seem weird at first but to think about it, what is reality? So my mind accepted the worst and finally I left everything behind and I let go... Time suddenly warping from here to the next inner realm of inconsistent time, something different something seemingly unreal. The vision I have, makes up static objects as if my world consists of a wire-frame with dots connecting corners and lines as if objects have their own meaning to move. Everything is moving in its own way, everything seems alive. Touching something seems like something out of the avatar movie. Sparks of joy and lights and random particles flying around, joy and laughter filling the void I once had. Still the natural human thought returns to haunt my ecstasy. Only to leave me wondering when will this end and if it does what then, after spending a few moments on that thought, 'felt like hours going by' I soon left it standing only to haunt me again later. I moved on.. I went back and enjoyed the blissfulness, although this time being more in control by the basic rule set we have since our infancy. I realised that being on this wave I can think about everything, by that meaning if a thought comes I can think about it and solve it or go so deep into it. And at-least with a much more open-minded view, than any other time during a normal walk in that reality, as in everyday being 'normal/blinded'. Makes me wonder why are we blinded, why are we being kept from exploring the realms connected to this reality we call 'home'. Like any other question in that section it will remain unanswered I guess, till something happens, something... Back to the wave thinking about happy things again and just exploring the mind and inner things. I noticed how weird sound got, am I under water? Confused by what's happening I rushed to the window... Its raining outside, I can hear the drops one by one, I can slow down time inside my mind I can control the rate of delivery... BAM!! lighting strikes, I can hear the sound echoing into the horizon but weirdly its echoing outwards-reversed back to me? The drops seem like little crystals falling from a cloud of magic dust, its changing colours... All of them look pink, yellow, blue, purple.... red, the ones with lighting tends to go black for a moment and then out of the darkness comes this bolt of shining light that seems to repair this 'planet' we live on. Makes me think since we are all alike in atom form, we are part of this, everything is. Everything we ever made came from this earth, some books even speak that we are made from the dust found on this earth... Wonderful bliss!! Slowly I feel the wave slowing down, I'm returning home... With a wee bit of sadness overwhelming my mind and body, I soon made it to go away as I know now, that this blissful place is here and I can revisit it any-time I like. It makes me feel real and alive, maybe this place we call 'home' aint so bad after all maybe its the way we look at these things that makes us the way we are, since we live by choice. After all its not over yet. I can feel my ears, its numb... Its actually kinda annoying, slowly opening my eyes I let the known reality back into my mind, returning home with a smile still safely within my chair I continue with my day to day doings, with memories from the other realm still strong within. Making me smile inside, keeping me happy.
In this view I see this day, and nothing more. I have seen this morning, but time walked on and that became of no importance. Yesterday, noting less than today but in true meaning, it's two obsolete days in the universe seen by my eyes as nothing but a time space. Whatever happens in one of those, may or may not happen in the other. What we do and what we say may have influence on everything about to happen, its never really in the past. The past in my eyes makes life to the day more and more complex. If there were no past memory, would we still be the same as we were yesterday? What I do today has absolutely no meaning for tomorrow, since by tomorrow I would have already changed the day before. Either to something better or maybe even something worst. By choice we live for we have no other option to maintain ones life. By choice we live or die... I sometimes find myself pondering about the host that hosts this reality. Although my mind tends to calm the thoughts by telling me that nothing in this life can control ones mind, but by choice. I fear the truth for it could seem that nothing here is real, but just another "Dream" or a filled world with projections of myself in another view. Imagine your loved one or friend next to you, not being real but just an imagination in your reality since your mind pleases the host to its existence. It fills your needs, also you fill its needs. You and your mind play along in a realm of unknown existence. Time once again played its role, although we still don't fully understand the meaning of it. I moved on to the next thought, and that thought is now undone left alone to rot. It may rise again to be re-analysed but only choice can decide such a move. Yesterday I walked into a messy room, and I told the person who's room it is that it's messy, he replied saying: "What is messy?". I replied to him: ' True words you speak, look at the universe'... Made us both think for awhile until choice made the next move again or commonly known 'Time moved on'. Yet again meaning is nothing but choice. I think and I do, by choice since it's my reality, although we are yet so influenced by other realities, that we have gotten ourself into a state where we live among their rules...? why? We constantly measure ourself against them... What for? each are different and each have a purpose... by choice... until the next time space we wait... for the choice is made for the next day only to see the past day.
Why did you read this? (by the way. This may be confusing so good luck...) I sometimes write in such a way that people don't understand a thing. I don't know why? I guess we are all different, obviously... Today, This day ? Is it even today? I don't know... Only thing I do know, is to feel disconnected.(Yet again by this I mean, to be distant since nothing seem to be 'cool' any more, not 'cool' as in: "Your cool because your smoking." 'cool' as in good, or actually enjoyable.) I know each and everyone have problems, I almost wanted to say had. But hahaha like that will ever be true, You Will Have Problems Every day for the rest of your life! What makes it different from others is the way you handle them I guess... I could be wrong, I could be right.(Who cares...) And most of all is your problems are unique to you, and only you. Most things in life go around yourself anyway. (I just had one of those random thoughts where you seem to lose grasp on what you actually wanted to say, but for some reason you drift off so far that nothing really makes any sense any more.) Well let me share that thought for the sake of it (making a 5-10min thought into a few lines). Last night I watched an episode on pulsars and quasars quite interesting. And from that thought I jumped to the size of the universe, then from that I jumped to wtf is all of this, is it real? What are you doing here, what are... And this is where I stopped myself since I have been there many times... They are questions that will stay un-answered till something comes along and explains it all. (Can't wait for that day) Another note on me. I'm one of those that 'imagine' constantly, so if I have a conversion with someone I imagine most of the things very graphical, like if the person describes a moment of his/her life or a event or something that happened, I would imagine myself in the exact same scenario(I usually avoid the sick parts). Another way would be something like, say I know that I will speak to someone or I can see that someone is about to speak to me. I will have 10+ ways already worked out within. Sometimes I don't even see the need to speak to someone since the outcome I had in mind got either boring or its always the same thing. Sometimes I can predict the whole conversation which makes it nice, so in that time I can think about other stuff while I'm having a conversation. (Which is messed up) Like my mother always said I'm emotionless, If someone speaks to me or asks me hows your day, I would usually say its good. I don't care about his day or her day because it doesn't affect me. Does this make me the bad guy? Looking into the eyes of oneself may open a vision of inbound truth to real existence, but surely grasps the fact that reality is nothing more than a memory. (Now this is the shit I write... Reading it opened up another way of looking at it, but I still know the first reason I wrote it and the exact emotion I felt.) I think most of the things I feel see or do, is affected by my past... ? I don't know.. Maybe I'm just weird... I tend to go into way to much detail, I tend to analyse to much, I find reason in things with no reason... That doesn't even make real sense.. since everything has reason... well whatever... A dream I had.. And in the dream I had some 'spiritual' happenings (God) and I had some texts from the Bible. I also heard voices. Okay so within the dream I remember reading the text about 2 lines almost 3 maybe, and soon after I completed the sentences I realised I was reading out of the Bible, and then I realised I was dreaming. So after all this in the dream I thought maybe I should remember all of this, but it was to late it blurred away, the only thing I could remember was the 'effects' my body felt and the voice. After that still within the dream I remember after the Bible reading part, I was standing in our main entrance, in the doorway. I stood there for sometime, and then again I realised I was in a dream as if it was another dream like a skip between memories of some sort. I walked from the one side which is from our door across the hallway to a door on the other side of the building, there stairs are found to go down or up. (Its a 3 story building, and each hallway is quite long, and the one side is open so you can look down or wherever) Okay so I walked from the one side to the other and when I reached the end it went dark. I closed my eyes saying this is only a dream you can wake up now. I opened my eyes, again I stood at the same spot as before. This time I walked half way and I turned to look down and noticed the guy that lives above us was crying out for help, he somehow managed to drive his car up the bottom hallway, which is about 2 normal stairs in height, its do-able but he drives a uno... Which made it weird. After all that shit I woke up. random dream... I actually had a reason why I told who ever reading this, about the dream. Now before I wrote it I thought it may offend the person I told this to, because what they said about my dream made me think, in what way or how did 'he/she' get what they said to me, from this dream since they don't really know what's really going on in my life. Confusing... What I'm trying to say is, the interpretation they gave me sounded silly. Because they don't know what's really going on, and it doesn't make any sense for what they said. By that being "You should spend more time in church, God wants to speak to you, and here(at home) since I never go to church, He's not capable of doing anything more, your soul needs 'active' 'food'. Ok now that being said since I didn't want to say it because I thought it may start something bad, or whatever.. I don't care actually... I think its just weird... so many reasons I can't explain now. I think I miss lead them to much in a way... Because I tend to only share a small bit of info. Never the whole story because it would take way to long to explain... Nothing is simple with me, well unless its simple... And by that people around me take it up wrong, well its obviously caused by me most of the time, for not giving all the information just parts of it, but they tend to jump to 'conclusions' to fast they never take time to think things through, okay maybe if I gave them all the info they would think differently about what they say, but I do it not even noticing that I did it. I would tell someone about something not to play around or to fool them I just tell them what I think or felt. I guess I'm always way to busy thinking that I don't see reason to explain everything, since I think they won't understand because they never do. And yea I tried many times explaining the whole f**king story, and guess what they said. " Man you need to chill, Man you are weird you go into to much detail, Dude your freaking me out, Man you have problems, You should see someone..." Really? Still think its needed to explain myself, O and the best one I got from someone "You are possessed.... O f**k me silly really? you think... NO I'm not! I'm just me, I'm deep I analyse and I think differently, constantly... # A random thing I did once... This doesn't really go well with what I said before, but this is one # way to show how most people think. Well those around me. I played with 'his/her' mind once (not in a bad way just to see), what I did was a basic thing I call, well I don't have a name for it. I told 'him, her' something and they agreed on it, as in " yes I like that, its a good thing you know...." then after a while I turned the story, making 'him, her' say that "Its not a good thing any more, they don't like it" now you get the idea. Its one of those that agree on whatever they are told. The person I told the dream to is not like that but sometimes a little... Mostly because he,she is influenced by all the good "Christian". So you can imagine how quickly they jump to something when you tell them stuff like that... They live of it... I may sound evil... or not don't really care... Just sharing some random thoughts... #> These down here are things I write, mostly about my current mental state or some random emotion or feeling I felt, or just random... # Sometime back If divinity proclaim my mind, what shall I do when The fear seeks the body, to claim a state of mental wonder, with vivid illusions of the hate we seek to avoid... # Another a 'Marionette' I have become, for my manipulator is still unknown, I seek the truth about the bounds I have, claiming my mind for the use of things I see no light too... A dark string of pain winding around my heart, suffocating the life I once lived... May this turn to good? for I shall live to the end; Or to bad for nothing worst... Just to say that nothing here is the way it should be...
By the words we speak we live, by faith we walk to die happy, by no means does any of this help anyone. Its just another meaningless Status, to keep those busy that have nothing else to do, in times space they found them self a need to feed; attention... Some still go the way they went, and for no reasons still remind those of the things they have done. Everyone always keeps the past near; a backup plan?? With words they tell; to hurt those or to turn them, loving and hating... All and all this still makes no sense what so ever... I fear the fact that we will stay like this until the end?? Makes us think when will this 'End' rupture... Unknown to all... By day the one by night the other, by today this and tomorrow that... You are killing those around you... you know? I bet you don't... By faith we walk by faith we live, by faith we lie, for those that hope... All we do, all we see; projection... Wake up!, This is real you know... Or I bet you don't. To see those that some supposedly should be looking up to, live the way they live under constant deconstruction, away killing ones-self from the outside in, influencing every other soul with bounds to that one, I fear you lost. For the way that is, it still remains by Your faith as righteous... Illusion; A character by name and date, a will and a way, fear and love we all do the same, you make your world the way you want, I guess its fine since we all die alone... So the only one really living in this world; could be you and only you or I... The way you see it makes it work the way it does... Still this has or will or had no meaning, and will probably never for no one knows the meaning of this... All we can do is wait, or live, or die.... A choice; Its never easy and will never be....
before this i stand again.... This random craving of death consume the inside mind of the hope I had controlling my life, now what do I find? A smile hidden deep inside me, may lead to resurrection... but to get to it!, that's the thing you see... or not? It's a lifeless act to render the outcome with mental thoughts of the dream environment making it seem like reality but soon after its just another dream... Seeing those inside the dream world makes me tick, thinking what if this is all just another dream, I'm not really here, nothing is really here... none of those I know exist... what if this is all just an memory of something, I may have had but the outcome is a total shit pile, so present I'm still an infant inside the womb of my care-taker for this world... and all of this........................?
I'm constructing a path of un-pure emotions for my own mind; to separate myself from the void of pain and suffering only to find myself in an everlasting worst case of the inevitable, you made me see the things i couldn't, but now that I see i wish to be blind, for my eyes hurt the pain i see is upon me, eating me from within leaving me empty with nothing to dis-pare, I feel this, this hunger inside me for the death i had in mind, thinking maybe I should continue my path to seek that of what I'd rather be, but it seems wrong for i have no hope left for those pro-founded from a hypo-critic way of living, those doing so separating truth, and honest truth, making truth seem like the Lie the snake would use to make you see the things upon that of honest truth, confusing my mind with needless thoughts i fear i reached the point of no return to find my self in a state where the bullet has left the mind only to find a hole.