you.... you fly to never land now, and never go back... don't dare go back or I'll never forgive you... I... I'm speechless and numb right now... i cry the moment i play the guitar... I cant live like this... you used to scold me when i do stupid things... and i do the same now! you did something stupid and now you end up dead... what's up with that? you... hate the idea of it... why try it on your self? remember when i cut my self? you were my gravity... now what? you leave me marooned into an endless oblivion of questions... WHY? why? WHY! I should have known better... you know how you made us all feel? you made us feel weak and powerless... you made us feel unwanted, unneeded... useless... so where were we? where are you? where was I? I love you dude... i still have your painting and your mechanical pencil... you want it back? I'll givie it back... that what you want? no? Why? you know me better than most people... i know for a fact that you know what i'm capable off.. but no... i wont... for you i wont... but why you? why? you get me all mad and depressed about everything... I wanna see you alive and kick you for even thinking of that... you have no idea... how much you mean to everyone... what happned to you? rin... whatever will happen to vrilla without you... i cant say anymore..
I wrote the same title once... and it meant a whole lot to me... Most of the things written there, i now find pointless, meaningless... nothing.. why? i was young, and had no idea what i was talking about, but i do remember how it felt.. remember when matteo happned? i'm sure a few knows... or a whole lot for all i care. it doesnt matter at all the **** who ever cares... I knew exaclty what i wanted, and knew exactly what to do... and i did it, knowing the consiquences of my actions... the day you most likely lost your trust on me... the day i lost my trust on my self... i knew it... i was gonna lose you... i was sure of it... and it indeed happned... that was two years ago, we patched those things up already... know what the sad part is? not knowing that your losing someone... it's hard to lose when you know, but at least you're prepared for it... but this? like this? its.... hear breaking... it's as if time froze... and everybody stuck in a nightmare made reality... dneirf tseb... the first time i wrote that i didnt want it to get to you.. this time i want it to reach you... it was a post about you back two years ago... dneirf tseb was actually in reverse... it's best friend damn it... remember? no? i dunno what i'm doing or proving to my self, but i sure am not sure to that of how i should feel or react to all this non-sense... it's non-sense for me get it? i dont believe up to until this time that everything that happned this past few days is true... ****.