It`s September...who knew man. This will be mostly just a stream of consciousness ramble of sorts getting some thoughts out there in my lil space here. I`ll make a pillow fort here later. It`s been a bit since i`ve posted anything here or in anywhere for that matter. I went dark to work for the CIA...yeah no. Been watching to much Covert Affairs with that joke. Last thing I put up here I believe was around February. That was an...interesting time.... what would have been my second semester of college had I not dropped out, a relatively fresh new year, my twentieth birthday, a failing job hunt, and the same mental health issues I always deal with had my mindset in a unique place. Fear, guilt, worry, sense of failure, and etc kinda all swirling about. I could deep dive into it but for the most part it was a lot of feeling off course, uncertainty, guilt, and etc from dropping out kinda hitting all at once with becoming a "adult", and feeling defeated from not finding work. My depression and anxiety then had fun with all of that.
Though, what`s been going on since February? A lot of the same some of the different. Around February I had the chance to do some video work for the local symphony. That.....didn`t go great. However in a intriguing twist of fate I got invited to be one of there photographers for this concert season. First "gig" in a week or two at a fundraising dinner. Not paid, but still exciting and it`s wonderful experience. Been having a lot of opportunity like that recently, mostly what the summer was made up of. Helping with a youth program at a local gym, taking photos for non profits, volunteering at a community art center, and etc. It`s been good very fulfilling, I like to get out in the community, and network with people. It`s good emotionally and mentally to get out and do something and my hope is the experience looks good on application to make up for a lack of work experience. That hasn`t been seen. A lot of jobs I thought where good bets...weren`t. As much as I love (and I do) my work in the community I need something that can sustain me and soon.
This summer I also did a lot of thinking, reflecting, and working on my mental health. I`m not gonna delve into all of that here, but it did lead me to a conclusion on what I have to do, or at least want to do. Build and learn. I need to start being proactive and start trying to build up certain aspects of my life. It`s good to find yourself but sometimes you just have to build yourself. I want to start building and learning. By learning I mean taking opportunity to gain more experience, learn spefic things. Learning in`t restricted to a school environment or academic subjects one should always be learning. Learning and building, and I do think I am fortunate to have a lot of good mentor type figures around me.
Ok that`s my overall goal, now let`s fine tune to Sept goals. Laying that foundation, starting mostly. As well as working on photography projects I`ve been putting off. The weekend before labor day was a local festival that I spent the week before labor day helping with. So this past week was "recovery" resting and catching up on side projects and things around the house I let slid. This week I hope to get some balls rolling. Still having some trouble finding my get up and go/motivation. It`s coming though I have things in the works.
Welp that`s my ramble. I`ll meet you again here real soon to rant about the letter S...you`ll see.
Look, guys, I can use random internet quotes.
This is gonna more reflective rambling and goal setting. Nothing special, just something I`m writing down in my little space here. So some might recall my post from the first of January, and yeah January wasn`t as productive as I had been thinking but that may have been unrealistic thinking. My mind tends to gloss over baby steps. However, it did involve time spent on reflection and basic goal setting. Coming out of school (both high school and my short-lived college run) i`m stepping into a new phase of my life here and hope to slowly work towards some goals of that in February. I`m planning something for the summer, and I have decided to do something I had been really thinking about for a long time. I had considered skipping college or doing this before college but I felt kinda steered into the college right out of high school route which kinda crashed and burned. I`m going back to my original plan and gonna start the process of applying for Americorps which is a government set up volunteering program. It`s described as a domestic peace corps. It`s something i`ve always looked really hard at, and I feel like it`s a chance to get out there have new experiences all that early 20`s stuff but also actually doing something. In college I felt like I wasn`t actually doing anything like it wasn`t amounting to anything especially with me not having a plan, if winds blow right and I have resources in the future I might go back if I find a plan but for now I feel like this something where I`m working towards helping people helping a community is better for me atm. There`s also an education award at the end, and obviously, it`s not the only reason i`m doing it as I see this as more then that but as i`m not sure yet what my situatoin is with (even the small amount) of student loans I had that could help as well. I`ll post more in detail on all of that later possibly, of course, this isn`t guaranteed. Applying doesn`t mean I`ll be selected, and there`s also waiting lists so I`m looking at other things as well but that`s my main priority goal.
Of course applying for Americorps is a process and it`ll be a bit, and my other plans are the summer so, in addition to working towards those goals, I`ve been trying to figure out what I want to do in this stretch of my life where I`m kinda waiting for things to be in motion. I want to get back into stuff in the community and things I used to be a part before I fell away due to various reasons. I`ll still be applying for jobs as in normal jobs, but in the meantime, i`ve been considering see what I could get with freelancing on the side. Of course, freelancing writing is a part of that and probably what I`ll talk about most on this blog past this post as its a writing forum. However, that`s also referring to my photography and videography in various ways. My photography teacher of sorts and someone whos been my mentor in many ways for a good few years and has a lot of connections different places got me the opportunity to do some work with the local symphony. Taking some video of speakers at a fundraising event to put on their website, some people playing to put on youtube, and a quick little video ad of sorts which I think is meant for social media. All in one day and it was nice, a days work, good experience, and working with some really great and talented people. Put some cash in my pocket, not much but the experience alone is good enough and it`s good for a resume or to show past work. It`s exciting thinking of doing that also intamediting figuring out where to start climbing but I do have resources. On the writing front theres siste has a few good ones.
As for my fictoin, I feel bad that got knocked to the way by stress, depressoin, and other thigs. Try to get that back, probabbly brush dust off a few old things I have in my docs,just to get back in the saddle. First how many words are practice, so better get those words down.
I`ll try and update this even if I do cut it back to just writing stuff. Here I go one step at a time.
Last night I posted up a bunch of old outlines files on my blog, I found this while going through them. Can`t remember exactly what this was made for. I`ve taken one or two art history classes so maybe its linked. Thats not to say I'm posting it as schoolwork or anything such thing. (all my schooling is done for now). Just a quirky thing that I`m putting here just because.
Talk show through time and space.
Hello, and welcome to all members of are transtime audience. Today we are sitting down with Leonardo Decaprio, one of my favorite ac….wait what? Davinci? Meh, he`s alright too...I guess. Give a warm time traveler welcome to the first true renaissance man and one of the era`s master painters… LEONARDO DA VINCI!
Leo: I'm not sure what I'm doing he..what interesting contraptions.
Host: Just pretend they aren't there, ok? So Leonardo, what's it like being a ninja turtle?
Leo: I have absolutely no ide…
Host: Never Mind, so can you tell us about your most recent work.
Leo: Hmm, I suppose so. I'm currently doing a portrait for Francesco del Giocondo of his wife. Nothing special really.
Host: You mean? ..you're talking about...the Mona Lisa?
Leo:Mona Lisa? So you are familiar with Lisa del Giocondo? What an interesting model, if I do say.
Host: You have no idea.
Leo: Can I leave? I must really return to my…
Host: Da vinci, that means of Vinci yes?
Leo: Well, yes but I hardly see why`d you
Host: Your parents are rather interesting. Out of wedlock you were…
Leo: I will not be, insulted on the status of my conception!
Host: I didn`t mean….well I suppose it is more taboo at this time then
Leo: This time?
Host: Uhh nevermind, did you bring one of the notebooks?
Leo: I have one on me but I...HEY!”
Host: Quite fanscastinating. A merger of science and art. Ideas before his time. Anatomy, flying machines, tanks, the Viturain man, a fetus, and
Leo: How dare you! Give me that.
Host: Sorry, but can you tell us about your investigations and studies?
Leo: Sigh, I simply make observations on the world around me.
Host: It`s more than that surely.
Leo: If I see a phenom I try to understand it, by observing it and detailing it.
Host: Fascinating, can you tell us about your artwork now.
Leo: Hmm since you seem so intrigued I suppose.
Host: Great, now your earliest, work is the baptism of the Christ correct?
Leo: Ah yes, I worked on that one with a mentor of sorts Verrocchio. It depicts the baptism of christ by John the Baptist. I mostly did the angels truly.
Host: What about the last supper?
Leo: Huh? I just had supper?
Host: No the..
Leo: I know what you meant. That was painted for the refectory of the convent of Sanata Maria.
Host: My notes show, that you were more of a draftsman then a painter in terms of being prolific.
Host: Tell us of your drawings.
LEo: Mainly sketches and things that catch my fancy or my ideas.
Host: Thank you for your time Leo. We'll see you again, in the sewers of New York!
Leo: What are you ta..
Host: Goodbye *shoves out the door*
Next, on TSTTS we`ll have mister Edger Allen Poe! Not a light-hearted interview, for sure.
Outline: Nomadic tribal people, inhospitable land, dangerous creatures, hunter of sorts, big bird monster, mountain territorial bird. Germanic tribes inspiration. Yuroga Yugslav Yugava Y something dies at the end Show the land, world build create a dangerous environment where man is not dominant. Get into Yugslovs head show his dreams, memories, superstitions, how he feels of his lot in life, why he accepts his death at the end.
Research germanic tribes and monsters- rough draft-self edit and rewrite-hemmingway--new file-betas-rewrite-edit/betas-format-submit-if rejected rewrite-resend.
Young men for whom warrior the only path sent out to die, more honor in death then in life, poet not solider.
Beowulf, The wItcher, Conan, writing inspirations.
Old English metre for inner thoughts and poetry.
Base traditions and culture on:
Read “The Wanderer,” “The Battle of Maldon” and “Caedmon’s Hymn”
Monsters and creatures
Need a swamp scene, and mountains just cause.
Big bird thing, maybe have it away from it`s nest, crazed.
Honor to die in battle, almost god like status
Tentacle things cuase
Mention Trolls and giants as boogyymen
Sea serpents and dragons
Possible titles: Are hero's of heart and stone, Man among dwarves, Battle Smith, Roland`s men
SETTING: Content of Elvenisa (Elven-vi-sa), fantasy setting, settled more than it used to be but plenty of woodlands, power is loose, Backdrop mainly
Kadarvia: A Dwarven city-state, mainly underground with slight overtop development. More modern than some sister cities, but still traditionist in a way. Uses both a mixture of mechanism and smithing. Ruled by a nobles council with other class representation, loose cast system.
Races in this world:
Dwarves: Descendants of barbarian tribes that come through the mountain range. Live mostly in various city-states, varying in beliefs.
Elves: Natives, nature-based religion, migratory, archers for hunting, most relocated small force remain as guerilla fighters to reclaim their homeland by burning caravans and inhabiting their woodlands.
Half-Elves: Halfies, killed brutally by the guerrilla elves, and mostly shunned by most of the others though a few will take them in if they swear off their human half. Humans, segregate them and keep them mostly in low-level jobs. Dwarves are mostly indifferent, though they generally don't like outsiders other than the smith castes who commonly take on outside apprentices.
Humans: Human, migrated from (insert name) Loosely separated by kingdoms and baronies, lot of unclaimed lands ripe with outskirt villages and bandit camps.
MAGIC AND BELIEFS:
Still working out a magic system and if there should be one at all. I like the idea of energy transference, and spirits and have contemplated a witch character as Durans wife.
Dwarves: Varying customs throughout city-states, mostly not very religious, big users of enchantment and rune smithing but typically don't use magic much.
Elves: Druid type nature-based magic, alchemy type accelerants for the guerillas, druid type nature-based beliefs.
Humans: Not sure on faith, magic wise witches and mages are out there with alchemists and the ilk. Still working here.
Dwarves: Varying city-states, the one that the story will focus on is run by a council with mainly noble upper class voices a few craftsmen class members sit on the council as well.
Elves: Guerilla camps freedom fighters
Humans: Split up into kingdoms and baronies with vague borders
Volgar Dimer-Battle smith, raised by blacksmiths, studied under dwarves, indentured servant in a mine, merc,
Roland-Merc leader former commander of the king's guard, cambion maybe,
Duran-Merc, dwarve from Kukukhan, a more trandtilist military city-state, he was a military officer who was shunned out by rivals, due to murdering a noble.
Gianish-A witch Durans wife works in ancient magic and old spirits, very destructive, and callus.
Stein-Big guy with sword, not really a char but he`s gonna be background muscle in a lot of scenes.
Tinker need a name- tinker travels with them, gets leg cut off
Theron- Half elf, raised by Roland in the merc camp, scout, crossbow, plays an drum
Wardens-Police force want to execute Roland, kill him
Jonas Dimeris- Volgars father, Smith, drunk, send volgar off, is murdered due to ties to dwarven politics.
Endrin-High smith Dwarve, helps Volgar out
Unnamed high-class dwarve- Xenophobic scapegoats Volgars affairs with a dwarven woman to feed his political flames.
Unnamed dwarven crime lord- Gets Volgar out of the crossfires by signing him to work in his mines as a guard for the next 20 years of his life, if he rebels he gets put on the lines mining with the slaves.
Fantasy backdrop, tells Volgar`s life char driven sword and sorcery, Volgar studies with dwarves, sleeps with a married dwarven woman during a time when xenophobic policies are high, and while no politicians are vying for his death fanatics are mobbing for it. Smuggled out by a crime lord who assigns him as a guard in a slave mine, Roland's men are hired to shut down the mine, volgar lights fire to it joins Roland's Men, Char building during this time, Roland is killed, Duran takes charge starts doing rather barbaric things, Volgar fights against him, last scene is his death.
MEANING MESSAGE PURPOSE
To write a good story, touch on xenophobic, rhetoric getting out of hand, pose a question about the futility of standing up with Volgar`s death. Telling a good story is always the goal, what reflects reflects
Will it work?
Bartholomew, that`s what the empire had taken to calling the large mass of land once ruled by feuding barons and ever-shifting borders. The Galolinic Empire had found a land fraught with peril and strife and had set out to soothe its pain. Or so that's what any good Imperial will tell you of the not so distant days of the conquest. While nationalistic feelings may still yet linger they made quick work of establishing order and law under their rule.
A symbol of this that they so loved to tout was Romington Von Domernis, the native who took up their banner. He wasn't the only one but he was more than a mere soldier. A once-prominent man turned sellsword he found himself quickly rising through the ranks until by the end of it all he was decorated and working special assignments. The operations he partook in were critical in the tide of the war. He then found himself at the forefront of establishing order. While crushing nationalist uprising was a part of this he did more, he appealed to people, negoteid, did all that his father taught him. While before they had seen only those in their borders as kin with the outside rule Romdom was seen as kin...if a traitorous one. Yet they listened. this increased his value a thousand times over, he became a high officer at a young stage in his career, changing postings as needed, just breathing was useful enough. Now, however, the person that was being groomed for greatness, rests in chains for treason.
Somewhere somehow he found himself in a room with terrorists and was captured as the others scattered. Kept quiet only few knew of this, one such man was Julis Vangrive an inquisitor. Brought in with the Empires seal and viceroys wright he had full control, and had his mind made mostly up only one thing remained...speak to him. There was no saving the man from the blade but if he could be leveraged...than they could find the others. A family man had more than enough to leverage after all...so this is our tale.
The traitor was kept in the bowels of an imperial prison, watched over by a war-hardened warden keeping the man's old superiors at bay in case they were to tamper. Only the inquisitor was allowed in his chambers, other than when the warden brought him meals which were only enough to keep him enough to divulge intel. The Inquisition had been efinctint, combing through Romdoms life and career gathering every bit of the man they could. Now the inquisitor walked down the cold stone steps, down to the cell block where the despicable specimen was half starved and bound to the wall in chains. Romdom starred as the door swung open and Julis stepped inside. Prisons were dark places, but a torch was carried and illuminated the room when pyres were lit. Paper, that`s what Julis had much of it a file of sorts. He began to pace back and forth speaking with a confidence detailing Romdom`s life and what he had done. Romdom retorted and they went back and forth. Things got physical, Romdom`s account was shoved off. Romdom told of a tale of corruption, and officers who were forced into treason by corrupted officials.
Romdom recounts his tale, and there is some more dialogue until romdom pleads to have his claims looked into. Inquisition ends, the cell is found all killed claims not brought up.
It`s the first day of 2018...whhoo? I spent the time before midnight listening to Bob Marely hoping "Everything will be alright" would seep into my new year. I was talking to someone at the time to, I had mentioned to them something that occurred to me. Does the new year mean anything? Time is a concept in a sense. I mean sure it exists things age and decompose, the sun rises and sets, seasons change, and mountains erode. Natural signs of time passing. However, the way we measure it is pulled out of our own ass. Hours and days, are human constructs that everyone just agreed upon at some point. Months have been added to the calendar moving newyears. If the marker of a new year can be moved does it have any real meaning?
Outside of time measurements, what does one gain from the New Year? A fresh start, new year new me? I like the idea, hell I`m trying that somewhat this year as well which I elaborate on below but really how long do those resoulantoins last? They don`t, mostly because they're made out of a sense of obligation than any real desire or crisis to change. Change requires a push many cases and New Years is a backdrop, not a push.
I don`t know really, those are just musings I`ve had and like New Years they really don`t amount to anything. I find myself in an odd place going into 2018. Graduating High school I did as was expected and went to college...and dropped out after one semester. I`m not going into the reasons for this now maybe some other blog post but this January would have been my second semester. Now I`m just here twisting in the wind. I planned to be in school at this point, so I`m here without a plan trying to get a job and having no real idea where I`ll end up. That makes me uneasy and setting it on the backdrop of New Years....it`s..something.
During my life a lot has been going on around me. I grew up in a lot of conflicts, a lot of chaos, and taking care of a lot of people. I was always just reacting to what was clattering about around me, doing as expected, taking care of what clearly needed to be done. Now I`m not where I need to react I`m where I need to do and I`m not sure I know how to do that. I do plan to try this month and this year. Get a job, step my foot out there hope I don`t fall down. I will be using this blog more, this year as well. Wanted to get something up today and this is really nothing more than loose thoughts but it`s there.
Separate names with a comma.