I am forced to ask myself whether I really "love" my siblings and their families. But then that challenges me to think what "love" means......again.... if love is a feeling similar to like, then I don't. We are worlds apart. Different experiences, different world views, different senses of humour. And weve grown further apart as we got older. Becoming more entrenched. Bunkered. Carved into separate statues. Blinkered. Close minded. Hang on. Am I only describing myself here? Now as my pastor/priest said last Sunday," love" is not the same as "like". Love is "will" he said. So does he mean we have to force ourselves? Im thinking now I have to settle for not hating them. Don't even have bad vibes about them. Avoid negative thoughts. Wish them well. Say hello now and then but basically mind my own business. See you at the next funeral I guess. Since we don't have marriages any more. (my nephews and nieces are defacto as are many these days). My problem is I don't really want to listen to them any more. I think I can predict what they will say so I tend not take interest. Now if I was to take a more humble, open-minded approach....? Ouch. the truth hurts. You mean you're asking me to be humble and open-minded? that's just asking way too much Im afraid.
Jordan Peterson appeared on an Aussie panel show last night. They pit him up against predictable left wing feminists and a transgender. Im wondering whether the radical left are afraid of JP. Hes too well researched. Too polite. Too normal. They hate him because they cant really pin anything on him. Hes squeaky clean Thats what really gets on their nerves. And hes undermining feminist ascendancy. The left had it too easy. They could use cliches like Neo nazi and alt right. But Peterson has too much cred. for that. Hes too smart. Anyway apologies Jordan. Sorry you had to parry with those peanuts in the panel and in the audience. You still have my utmost respect and respect of enlightened human beings.
Let me say straight away that Ramsay Van Weedenburgh played a special, and as it were , civic, role among us, a role of which he was passionately fond, so much so, it even seems to me, that without it he wouldn't have been able to survive. Not that I ever looked on him as just a ham actor. Heavens no! I have too much respect for him to think anything of the sort. It could have all been put down to habit or, rather , to an ever present and noble propensity, inculcated in him since childhood, to have pleasant dreams concerning the beauty of his civic position. He was especially fond , for example, of adopting the role of "outsider" or "persecuted man". This image of himself had a nice tone, a seductive touch. Over the years, this had the effect of Weedenburgh achieving a very high opinion of himself. We weren't the only ones who had him on a pedestal. His self-esteem was above average. It is an indisputable fact that for a time he had been a member of a famous constellation of celebrated figures of our previous generation; indeed at one moment- though it had only been the briefest of moments- his name was uttered by many hasty people of that time, almost in the same breath as Hornwheiler, Van Munster, Camanburst and Oosterhuzen. Only very recently I learnt , to my astonishment, but nonetheless from an unworthy source, that Ramsay Van Weedenburgh, had been living in our state, our province, not only not as an exile or outsider, as we had been accustomed to viewing him, but not even under any kind of surveillance! There's the power of imagination for you! He himself genuinely believed that in certain spheres, he was a constant cause of apprehension, that his every move was watched and under constant consideration, and that each of the three successive state governors, had arrived with a definite concern over him. Had someone at the time suggested to Van Weedenburgh that he had nothing to be afraid of, he would undoubtedly have been offended.
- Stand up straight. Fold your arms to your chest. Good...… now bend to the right as far as you can...does that hurt? * well its kinda stiff. -Now do the same on the left. How about that side? * Not bad. -Now take your shoes and socks off. Quickly. Put your pants over that chair. Shirt off too. Then lie on your back on this bed....No. From this end. That's it. I want you to lie on your right side and again fold your arms. that's it. Just relax. Put your feet down. Right down flat. That's it. Im going to adjust this left shoulder back. You've got some tension through to the midriff there.Push your hand through. im going to pull this hand at the same time...…………………….. *Ouch! that hurt. - Did I pinch you did I? Sorry about that. Now I want you to lie on your left side and we can work on the other shoulder. So what do you do in your free time Paper? I think you said you have a dog. What breed? [That was two days ago. My ribs still hurt.]
My current job is a school janitor. (he says with much embarrassment) Recently when I clean the library, there is a woman looking after 3 or 4 kids of around 5 or 6 years old in there at the same time. After school care. I cant help but be glad I am a cleaner and not looking after those kids. Noisy, running around, short attention spans. That woman deserves triple what Im earning. Truth is she earns about the same. She does a good job under the circumstances, respecting their freedom. But her voice is being used all the time. "Bobby put those blocks away." "Johnny stop running. you'll hurt yourself." "Ok guys, next we gonna play cards. How does that sound?" 'Mark. I hope you are not being naughty. Come here where I can see you." This goes on and on for ages. I was thinking to myself here is an opportunity for writing. But then ive wasted it by telling you instead of showing. one of the writing golden rules already.
Who can say they think for themseves 100 %? I rely on astronomers to tell me that I live on a planet in a solar system. I trust them when they say there is a planet called Pluto. They show me photos. The media and science teachers pass on that information. I trusted that everything my teachers taught me at school was true. I trust Catholic theologians but of course I have to be careful as their political bias may come in to play. We choose who we trust. Am i as smart as Nietzche Jung Dosteovsky or Jordan Peterson? No. But much of what they say except maybe Nieztche strikes a chord. They appear rational. Not too radical views. Interesting perspectives which stimulate my imagination. Other people respect them. No one i know who I respect has trashed their views. It looks like Peterson will go down in History as an incredibly insightful prophet. In some ways he brings all my interests together and articulates what I kind of suspected all along. We need to keep the radical left in check. They have dangerous ideas. Nihilism and Atheism are not the answer.
Yes ok i know you are a real person with a real life with real feelings. But if i cant express myself honestly with you what is the point? My priority is self expression. Not relationship building. That is going to get me in trouble like it did today. Its selfish and almost certainly non Christian. Until I untangle more cobwebs and knots in my chaotic mind i cannot put you first. What do I think? What values need modification? What biases need unbiasing? What thoughts need unthinking? My loyalty is to transparency. Yeah that doesnt give a right to be rude I admit. Was I rude though? I needed to make some strong assertions. Thats all.
Am reading the book by Shusaku Endo. Almost finished. Will watch movie tomorrow.. Thought provoking to say the least.
When I was an elementary school teacher I taught 8, 9, 10 and occasionally 11 year olds. I preferred this age. The kids were more co operative and less likely to challenge you. I developed a real phobia of teaching the highest grade. (year 6 or 7) They seemed so grown up! But ironically, those same "tough confident kids" become like lambs the following year. When they start Junior High. I used to even dread dealing with the older kids if I had to assist on sporting trips or when I got random requests to look after them. I had a few bad experiences on a teaching practice and it gradually snow-balled from there. Funny how phobias can grow like that. Maybe that was a fear I needed to face. Teaching tough confident kids who expect a lot of you. Expect you to be a professional which is not unfair in hindsight. I sometimes think now, if I had conquered that phobia, I would have derived a lot of confidence in teaching and life in general.
JP is great. Im starting to think a prophet sent by God. But I want to avoid the path of worship of him. We need to question him and build on his enormous achievement already. One perspective i think needs exploration. Many of us dont have self belief. We lack the ability to visualise our success. Is it all about lack of self discipline and too much self pity? So I think the phase of encouragement and visualisation is critical. You can give a great speech even if you are pathetically anxious and self conscious. There is a "best you" that can do this. Dont be afraid. Its like the mother giving affirmations to their son. Behind every successful son is a confident and supportive mother? well not always. Id like to see other mentors. Other motivators who take a slightly different angle than JP but still draw on his amazing insights.
Aussie munchkins are melting in the heat. Bushfires oh and floods too in Queensland. the worst floods in 50 years. some farms losing 80 per cent of livestock. Suffering. You had awful disasters like Katrina. i have been blessed in a way. To avoid such suffering. The thought of losing my home would devestate me.
Ask yourself why you are reading it. Try to get a short summary beforehand. Where does the book fit into your plan of study for self-education? Ask is it worth reading the whole book. Scan if necessary to different sections. Is there a need to read cover to cover? Is there a summary on youtube? Are there books or other sources which can break it down for you? Allow an hour a day for reading challenging books.
If I want to simplify JPs message. It is simply that. And I am the classic example of someone who has not taken enough responsibility for what i think and therefore my erratic and often weak behaviour. I have often acquiesced to others and let them lead me. Without questioning whether they were taking me in the right direction. Washing my hands of all blame. So I can in effect blame someone else. If you avoid leadership you can always point the finger at them if things go awry. A perfectionist like me hates leadership. So many things can go wrong and i would be the one responsible. No. Better to sit in the passenger seat and be an arrogant analyst. And look st all that pressure and anxiety you can avoid. Ive learnt this lesson too late unfort. But maybe i can say that neurotics like me cant take too much of jp. Because we blame ourselves enough. We need some gentle encouragement too. "Paper. You did show some courage in your life on occasions. Lets see some more of that galant behaviour."
So what is my forte? that's another blog entry. I will relate the following anecdote which may attract the "don't compare yourself to others" reaction. But this story I find more amusing than anything. In 1974/75 I studied a subject at High School called Economics. Now why I signed up for that course has me baffled now but the lack of better options is most likely the reason. I think French and Art were the other electives and I had no reason to choose those. At any rate, I lived in this kind of daydream bubble, pretending to understand the basics of economics, graphs of supply and demand, effects of inflation, and so on, but actually dreaming about my next rugby game the following weekend. And of course thinking about various gals who might be watching on the sideline. The brighter students in class would engage the teacher in some very complex economic issues that had me in awe. I may as well have been in the French class because they were speaking a different language to me. Turns out some of the people in that class went on to very illustrious careers with companies like IBM and major banks. Now one in particular, who happened to be the school captain, has become almost a household name in Australia. I didn't realise at the time how smart he was. He has held jobs advising major banks and the government on economic policy. Highly respected. He has no doubt socialised with some VIP people not only in Australia but other countries as well. I failed Economics at the end of 1975, in my High School leaving certificate. it didn't stop me from getting a job as an Elementary School teacher thankfully. But it contributed to a poor showing overall and made me realise I was too preoccupied with football at the time. The humour in this story lies in the fact that I had a brush with fame. I was privileged to be in the same class as an absolute Economics superstar. I didnt even deserve to be there. It makes me realise that we don't know the poignancy and irony and almost profundity of our lives when we were young. I must admit I am envious of his wealth but not his job. Scrutiny and hardcore responsibility were never my fortes either.
Just a moment. I'll check to see if I have any...…………………………….. ….…………… No. All clear. How about you guys? Any blind spots to report?