The light faded slowly, Solaris making her final glance of her kingdom before leaving it to her sister Luna. As if whispers in the breeze caressed his ears, Laurence awoke to the darkness he had learned to love. He brushed his hair out of his eyes and arched his back, the movement raising him from his bed. Eyes adjusting to the world, he saw nothing at first, but quickly realized he wasn't alone. "Arah told me you'd be waking soon." The husky voice said from a far corner. "I almost considered waking you earlier, but realiezed-" "How very stupid it would be to wake one of us when we're hungry?" "Yes, that." The chains around his wrist clinked softly as he moved his arms nervously. Luarence raised a hand, beckoning his visitor towards him, the realization that only one of them could see in the darkdawned on him slowly. "Come, come to my voice." "Is it safe?" "Yes. I promise it is." Lurence smiled as he heard the shuffling grow closer, the very heartbeat of his visitor beginning to pound within Laurence's own chest, "You know, one would think you'd have more faith in me." "One would also not make that mistake thrice." the chains rang once more as the visitor rubbed nervously at his neck. "Fear doesn't sate the appetite, only compound it." Lurence said as he stood completely out of the bed and crossed the last bit of distance between the two. He smiled at the sharp intake of breath that responded to him, "Why do you fear me so?" "Why does the mouse fear the cat? The cat the dog? Why do I fear you you ask?" His voice muffled as he folded himself into Laurence's embrace, "Why do I fear you?" He looked down at the sensation on his wrist, his heart starting to speed up. Laurence smiled as he laced his finger through one of the links in the bracelet, the pulse an added bonus. "I shouldn't have asked that quesion, I am sorry, can you forgive me?" He grinned as rested his head on is visitor's. "Only, only if you remember my name." He pulled away slowly, trying to reign himself in. "My name, can you recall it?" Laurence couldn't restrain his anger at the mere mention of that name. The visitor broke into tears and bit backa scream at the pain in his wrist. The chains had stopped nothin, absolutely nothing.
The question is pushed aside by the urgent need to dispel a few things. I forget everything in my rush to the bathroom. Caesar took a little long to return, didn’t he. I flush it away and remember the cart that’s still in the room. I return to my little corner of insanity and grab a random platter and the note, curling up in the blanket. As I eat slowly from the platter while staring at the note, my mind pulls the whole “Daisy game,” zooming back and forth between the good and the bad. He means it, he lied. He’ll find me, he’ll forget me. He’s worth knowing, he’s worth forgetting. My fork scrapes the now empty plate. I throw it back on the cart and grab my pants. My hand clasps around my lighter in my pocket. I make my way to one of the candles left from some other guests; I choose the tallest one and move it out of the draft so I can light it with security. I throw my later on the bed and walk into he bathroom, another shower is in order. As the water cleanses me, one question resurfaces with every drop. What kind of life do I live? An odd one. A truly prime and odd life. Maybe, for once, “odd” isn’t so bad. Feeling refreshed, I go to the van outside. It’s the only thing that’s the same from last night, but that’s okay. I turn on the engine and pick a road. My window down, my hair flying in the wind, a smile on my face, I realize how different one little thing can make you. It doesn’t matter, in under twenty-four hours I went from the pregnant plaything of an idiot to the pregnant woman with a car and cash, and security-Never forget security. Question is, where do I go from here? A shopping center looms a mile or more away, that’s a start. I pull in and immediately hit the kiddie stores; my mother taught me one good thing: buy in surplus when ever you can. As I chow down at the food court, my mind flows back to him, and I feel the guilty sensation of not having thanked him for what he did. Guilt, go ahead and live on, I doubt I’ll see him again. But wishful thinking never hurt anybody. Although I have no clue about the size of this town, I have a distinct feeling that I somehow made my way across it. An hour or so ago, I found a side road and decided to take it. I think it’s just an old trail to the water because that’s all I see ahead, hills and water. Okay, I take that back. Something peeks over the hill I’m cresting. I think it’s a gondola. It would be fun to take a rest by the water. I park the van in the parking lot of what I now realize is not a gondola but something else. I walk in and see just what it is. A casino. I try not to call attention to myself, but that’s kind of hard when you look like somebody’s angst ridden, pregnant teen. A man walks up to me, smiling quite devilishly, and I mean that in a bad way. “May I have some identification please?” I look at him, trying my best to return his smarmy attitude, “No, you may not.” With just a hint of malice, that statement should have told him just how I feel. I think I hit the nail on the head, he stops smiling and points at a table far off to the other side of the casino, “That’s the kiddie cuawnah, go theah and see if you can beat the pups.” His saccharine smile returns, providing me with a not so wonderful discovery: asses can smile! I stifle the urge to not only flip him the bird, but drop kick him and brand him with a brassie. I give him a curt nod and walk towards the puppy-pen. Should I growl to assert my leadership? No, that wouldn’t be nice; I did just take their money after all. I shuffle the cards as the three men I just played sit and stare at me in confusion and anger. What? Was I supposed to be bad at this? I look past them at the table where I heard at least ten bets of a thousand dollars apiece, that could be fun. “Sorry fellas, but I think it’s time to broaden my horizons.” Placing the cards down on the table, I stand up and walk cautiously over to my new playing field. Here’s hoping the big boys still have their toys. I gently tap one of the player’s shoulder, leaning in really close to his ear, “Hey mistah, can ai play a game with you?” This guy must be some kind of good, he doesn’t even stir at my arrival, simply folds his hand to his chest and looks me right in the eyes- I know what he’s not trying to look at. “Whay hey, purty laday, what’d ye have in mind?” He winks at me and raises an eyebrow. Guess he can’t tell a business deal from a flirt. Anway…. I need him to stand up and move so I can sit and play. Standing up a bit straighter, I place a hand over his cards and bat my eyelashes as I murmur, “Why, I just wanted to now if I could try this heah game yerall playin’?” I want his cards, badly. He looks at me; I think he realizes that he prejudged the wrong book. “Hun, can you play?” Can I play? Leaning into his ear again, I whisper, “I bet you half the winnings that I can turn this crappy hand of yours into a winning one.” The guy across the table catches my eye. He’s cold and calculating, his eyes are the only thing that betrays him. His body says that this is nothing but a delay in his win, but his eyes are screaming “I quit if she sits! I swear I will!” The guy I’ve been talking to removes his ten-gallon hat and fans himself with it, winking on the sly at me, “Boys, I’m gon get me some fresh air, let the purty lady play my hand while I’m gone.” Like a paranoid idiot, he passes me his cards under the cover of his hat. Nobody wants his stupid hand! Nobody! I accept the hand with a big grin on my face and take my place at the table. Before I’m even comfortable in the seat, Wary Eyes slaps his hand down and growls, “I fold! I ain’t about to be hoodwinked by sum buxom idiot!” Okay, one down, three to confuse. I give him a quaint smile, “one out of two ain’t bad mistah, but your butt whooped.” I shift around, staring at the cards as if they’re depicted with hieroglyphics, my eyes squinted in confusion. The remaining players seem to relax a bit having pegged me as an air-head. I look at them each in turn, giving them all my mega-watt smile. I look back at my cards, losing my smile. I do a bit of counting on my fingers and, look up at the ceiling like I’m working on calculus in my head. “Oh mai, I thank I got something?” The guys exchange looks with one another before all looking at me like a specimen on a wet slide, “We fold.” Woo, add a beat, a little bit more harmony, and they would have had a something melodic there. I smile at my own little joke and rip the dippy look right off my face. “Lookie here boys, I came to play with the big dogs in a real game. Can ya’ll play a real game, or should ya’ll just give me your money now?” One guy scoffs, glaring hard at me, “Well, shuffle then Pup.” He slides his cards across the table and leans back against his chair as if waiting for a movie to start. The guy to his left sits up straighter in his chair, stretching his handful of cards towards me, “Let’s play.” The third guy simply flings his hand of cards at me one at a time, “I’ll bite, but you better be good.” He sneers with his last card. I collect up their cards, making sure not to put my own hand back in the deck. “Alright, guess I’m dealing this hand, let’s go. But, I just thought you’d like fair warning.” I raise my cards and face them towards the others, “Not a one of these cards is any good, so, yeah, don’t underestimate the pup.” I shrug and shuffle the cards into the deck before dealing the game. This should be fun.
Mar-Mar, sorry-Maureen-, strolled up to me as I was leaving my boxing session with Coach. She had a huge grin plastered on her face and an equally huge book in her hand. “Hey!” She said as she wrapped her arms around me, “I have a surprise for you!” Mar-Mar pulled back and looked at me, “But first, cancel all your plans for today.” I wanted to know what was in the book, “Why?” “Which letter in ‘surprise’ doesn’t compute?” She placed the book in her purse and replaced it with a compact and mascara. “The part where my friend who suffers from cupidity brings it up while brandishing the bane of her existence.” I pull out my white scrunchy and start to pull up my hair. Mar glares at me over the compact, “I read!” Placing my hair band on, I remind her, “Yeah, magazines!” She rolls her eyes, slamming the compact with a smack, “Just bring yo ass on, we’ve got things to do.” I stand right where I’ve been, in front of the gym’s entrance, “No, I have classes tonight. School doesn’t change it’s schedule because you want to change mine.” I wave and pivot to walk towards home. Mar, now holding my pony-tail and standing a good two feet behind me, snaps “You’ll come with me, or”- I heard her pulling out something- “I’ll give you a pixie cut and bleach your hair blonde.” The clippers seem to smack with anticipation as she opens and closes them behind me, “Choose.” I turned around and raised my hands in surrender, “I’m quite happy with being a long-haired brunette.” She releases my pony-tail and puts away her clippers, “Thought you’d see it my way.” Smiling at me, she grasps my arm and leads me up the street, “Now for the fun part!” Well, I hope it was fun for her. I don’t even recognize my own face in the mirror, “This is too much make-up –I look like a hooker!” I touch my cheek, frowning at the residue from the foundation. “Stop doing that, you’ll mess up your face! And you do not have on too much make-up.” Mar pulls out the sponge and pats where I touched my cheek, “It only feels like that because you won’t let it dry.” I smooth out my shirt, my compromise of wearing black and not wearing the frilly dress she planned out. “Who is this guy again?” “Carlin, forgot his last name,” she says before blowing on my cheek. “Get a mint.” I fan my face with a piece of paper and pick up the book she had earlier. I’ve been gypped- it’s a compilation of magazines. I look up at the sound of the doorbell, not surprised that Mar has the door opened already. The man standing there was though. He held a B&N bag, his hair combed back and his green eyes twinkling a bit as he waved nervously. Mar reached towards him and grabbed hold of his shoulder, yanking him over the threshold. He placed the bag on the floor and smoothed his shirt out, “Hey.” He grinned, his hand still smoothing his shirt. I smile and wave, eying the bag. Smart, not bringing flowers. “Books are a girl’s best friends,” I wink and make my way to the bag. Mar smacks my hand as I reached for one of the books. She says, her tone slightly venomous, “Tell im who you are.” Doesn’t he know?! This confident man, clean shaven and smiling, extends his hand towards me- The image merges with the one currently facing me. Carlin pulls back his hand, “What the hell do you mean your slut ass is pregnant?!” his beard stiffening up, his eyes ablaze as his hand makes contact with my face. I fall back on to the couch, knowing not to cry. I want to remind him of what he did a few months back, but I won’t. “I’m four months pregnant with your son dammit.” I scream at him and try to stand up. “Bull! You’re just trying to excuse yourself for being a fat lard assed pig!” He screams back as he places a hand around my neck and yanks me towards him. “Whose kid is it whore? I know you been cheatin’ on me!” His eyes bulge, the green starting to harden. I claw at his grip, trying to fight him off. I manage to gasp, “Yours. Yours.” He throws me onto the couch again, “Deal with it.” No, no- that’s not going to happen. “I’m not getting an abortion! This is our child- you’re going to be a father. Deal with that.” I manage to stand up as he walks away. I immediately get into a blocking stance as he whirls around and storms up to me. “What’s your fat ass going to do, beat me up?” He has a hold of my pony-tail, pulling my neck back at an odd angle, “I’d like to see you try.” He places his hand on my stomach, pushing hard on it. “You want to know what I’d do if you even attempted to defy me?” He lifts his hand, “This,” and punches me right in the stomach. I try to fold over, but he still has my head. He pulls back again and smacks me in the face this time. I try to block him, but he always finds somewhere else to hit. After twenty minutes of that, he gets bored and pushes me to the floor. He spits on me before walking out the apartment, slamming the door behind him. I crawl towards the bathroom, making a beeline towards my cell phone. I dial my mother, slumping against the wall by the bathroom. I cry, listening to the dial tone. “Herloo?” I hear her voice trill over the line. “Nuh, who is dis?” I wipe my eyes, and mumble “Momma, momma it’s me.” “Alma? Alma is that you? Speak up so I can hear you.” I take a deep breath, “Turns out there isn’t a grandson in your near future.” She growls at me, “What the hell did you do?” “He wanted me to get an abortion and I said no. It’s not like I was trying to get pregnant, he raped me after all.” “It doesn’t matter what he did, he’s your husband you-“ “Mom, he is not my husband, he’s only my boyfriend.” “You’ve been with him for two years now- he’s your husband as far as I care. Do what he tells you. That’s your place as his woman.” That line brings me to tears, “Mom, I just told you that he beat me-“ “You never used those words, and even if he did- it’s his right, he is your-“ “You know what?! F%%% you mom! I need you right now and you’re telling me to suck it up?! He just beat life, the life of my first child, right out of me?! You want me to let him do that to me?! F%%% you!” I push the call end button and search my contacts for Coach’s number. He picks up immediately, “Alaska? What’s going on?” His voice sooths me. Through my tears, I answer, “Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry to be calling you after all this time. It’s just that- that- Carlin he just- and my mom- and-” He cuts in, “Take a deep breath Alaska. What happened?” I tell him everything, noting his huffing and growling. He waits for me to finish, “Alaska, why do you let him keep taking things from you? He’s taken your friends, your education, and your damned dignity! And now you allowed him to take your child?! What did I teach you? What did we work on for two years?” I smile a bit, knowing he’s right, “You taught me how not to become my mother.” “Then why would you undermine that training by staying with him? Answer me this: Do you still have Lef and Righ?” I hold back a giggle, “Yeah, I still have my brassies. He doesn’t know about them.” “Then why don’t you use them? Why aren’t you using what I taught you?” His voice heats with anger and sadness, I miss him- I miss it all. I hear footsteps in front of the door. I whisper into the phone, “Coach, Coach, I think he’s back, I have to go.” “You better use what you’ve been taught child.” He answers me before hanging up. I turn off the phone and crawl as fast as I can into the bathroom where I shut the door and undress. As I strip my shirt off, my suspicions are confirmed; I double over and fall to the floor. Part of me is terrified at what is going on- but something else knows exactly what is going on. An hour later, I sit pruning in the bathtub, my could-have been child heading somewhere I don’t want to think about. My tears have mingled with the water, my mind numbed for many minutes now. I can hear Carlin moving on the other side of the door. He’s calmed down some, probably at the part where he tries to atone for what he’s done. No amount of books can fix this-none. “Hon?” He asks through the door, “Are you still alive in there?” I could say yes, I could say no. Neither would be a lie. “Please, just leave me alone!” I shout to him. He knocks on the door, “I went out and bought the new Olord Flark book. Do you want me to bring it in there?” His voice is tinged with guilt, he should feel the need to commit suicide- oh I wish he’d die. “You know what? Why do you never forgive me? It was an accident!” He slams his fist into the door. There’s one more dent now. “Just let me be, okay?!” I sit up in the tub, screaming at the door. I hear him ram himself against the door. I scream in fright- I hope he doesn’t make it through! I get out of the tub, nearly falling onto the floor. I grab my clothing and throw them on, digging around for my brassies. I watch the door pulse as Carlin throws himself against it. Relief washes over me as I realize it’s holding up. He’s not getting through. He looks at me over the dinner table, “You can’t stay mad at me for this long. It’s been a full month, and I’ve apologized numerous times. Get the hell over it.” He shoves a hunk of steak into his mouth and begins chewing. I take a small bite of my own steak and glare at him, “I’ll do as I damned well please. You beat my first child out of me- I don’t give a damn how it makes you feel that I am holding a grudge. I deserve to be able to hold this grudge.” I take another bite and watch his reaction. He glares at me as he shovels more food into his mouth. I shouldn’t be egging him on; he hasn’t hit me or even grabbed me the wrong way since that day. But he’s a ticking time bomb; I can see it in his eyes.
The sun hit my face like a skillet. "When did it go so hot?" I wiped the sweat from my face as I headed out to go visit Kiven. Yes, Kiven Whymver, not good at much except smuggling and extortion. He makes a fine living of the two though. I met him back when the whole world decided to leave, he and I were the only two at the airport for the entertainment. It was funny, watching eveybody scurry like mice into the various transportation vehilces provided. "Can you believe that?" The kid on my left with a green scully cap and unkempt blonde hair said to me suddenly. "Thy're like roaches when the lights turn on. 'Gotta go, gotta go!'" An infectious smile spreading acros his face, I had to smile back. "I can believe it, I was s'posed to be doing that too, but ain't no way." I brushed my hair from my face, the wind wacking t at my eyes. He looked over, "I don't see why anyobody would want to be a sardine, even for a moment." "Neithrer do I.,"
I stand inside my new home, sifting through the mail, startled by a plain piece of paper with antiquish print Hello Ms. Malone. If you want to know who I am, Leave your heart lit. The statement confuses me, I place it aside and do the same with the rest of the pile. Doe is waiting for me in the driveway. I recently named her after a dear friend I haven't seen in what seems a decade. My heart says longer, but my mind knows it's only been a few days. I make my way to Painful Bliss, the bookstore that cements me to Nerfulk. Morty and Alicia come out to greet me, Alicia a bit round in th face of late. Morty leans into the car window, "Go home, and stop worrying abou the shop Li and I have it covered." He passes the day's slips through the window and tells me to go home. "This was a waste of gas," I smile and take the slips, rolling my eyes at him, this isn't the first time he's done this. "Can I can work for once?" He taps the roof of the car and grins, "Yeah, yeah, tomorrow, just get on home already." --__--___--- The note resurfaces in my mind as I prepare for bed. As I walk into my bedroom, the candle on my window sill catches my eye. It came in the mail a month ago. No name, no address, nothing. Just a box, didn't even have a stamp. The candle brings up memories of things Doe used to do, sending a candle and asking me to light it to let him know I missed him. He always made up for his absenses though. I smile, lighting the candle before going to bed. Over the candle, I notice a car on the street as it slows down in front of the house and zooms away just as quickly. Odd, but I've grown accustomed to odd since Carlin left me at the Hub. ___---___---___--- The customers mulling about the shop do little to distract mefrom last night's note. Not knowing who sent it niggles at me. There's a place deep within me that hopes it's from Doe, but I'm not resting on that anymore. As I think about him, he walks in the store. I blink and rub my eyes, not believing them. And I'm right not to, the man walking up to the counter looks nothing like Doe. "Hello," he says, presenting me a mega-watt smile, "Do you have the book about killing people with-" "Disposable utensils? Yeah, I have that. Let me show you where it is." I come from behind the counter and lead him towards the back of the store. As we near the book's aile, he says, "I uh, read this other book about killing people with innocent objects. Chapter eight was my favorite." I smile when he says that, Doe said the same thing when we first met. "I had a friend who liked that book, and that chapter." "Yeah, I had a friend who liked the whole book, and greasy burgers." I look up in time to catch him wink. I dismiss the gesture, confused at it's message. When I turn back around to hand him the book, I notice that he's holding one of my beloved brassies. "Hi, Alaska." He smiles again, the way he says my name- it's so familiar. He looks out the window, pointing at Doe, "You made a good choice in choosing that beauty over the van." It-it can't be! I leans in and whisper to him, "What's your name?" "Grotto." He grins, looking away. I leaps at him and wraps my arms around him, mumbling into his neck, "You liar." He hugs me back, memories flooding back to me. He tightens the embrace, "You don't know how much I misssed you." He doesn't know how much I missed him either. "This darn bump's getting rounder every day." He puts me at arms' length, "I wish I could have been there." I sense his lie, put can't place what truth he's hiding. "You're lying again." I cock my head and give him a good once over, "Why do you look so different?" He smooths down my hair, "I have a lot to tell you tonight over dinner." I don't even argue, I never did; I just hug him again, happy to have him. A customer comes over and gives the signal for a question. I tell Doe to wait here while I attend to the customer. The tables have turned.
Okay, so the bus stops and I get off. At this point, I have missed my meeting...But...I am acrost the eight-laned street from the local library. Get where I'm going with this? I walk in and sit down, just to calm down a sec when this woma looks up at e, "You here for the computers too?" "Yes." "THeir off till one." That's what the paper taped to the PC screen behind her says as well, I just hadn't read it yet. I look at my cell phone, 1.15. Ok, it's tech stuff, not abnormal for it not to adhere to deadlines. I get up and go to the check in desk to check on the status of a book and some CDs I checked out recently. The book is overdue. "Can I renew materials without bringing them in?" "Yes?" She know where Im going, not so sure she likes it... "Okay, than can I renew that, and when are the CDs due?" She gives me a date, I think in days between now and a week from now so I ask her to translate- she looks at me like I'm stupid...Yadi-tadi-tada Side-bar: Spoiler Somebody once admitted to me that theatt his first impression of me was that I wwas mentally retarded. He caught me on a very very goofy day. On my goofy days, I'm likely to forget that 2+2=4. And, no, I don't say 5, I think 8. Oddness much Anyway, I renw the CDs as well, and wait about twenty minutes for the computers to be released. Yeah, they weren't, so I went to the bus stop to catch the 23. There is a man standing there clipping his nails. I hate that sound...oooh!.... Seven or so minutes later, the bus ambles on up. So, I walk towards the curb because I was standing pretty far back. As I pass the Clipper, I just raise my hand in the direction of the bus. It didn't mean anything, I just did it. He looks up from his clipppers, "I know." No neeed for the attitiude. As we're boarding the bus, he says, "I saw it earlier, far way to go." When'd he see it, while it was around the corner?! That gesture came as the bus was approaching the intersection twenty feet from the bus stop. It stopped at a red light, what was he, physcic (SP? I hate that word) I get on the bus...twenty minute ride...yada yada yada...get off the bus and start walking that country road that leads to the country road my school is on. (Thet're paved and all, they just don't have sidewalks after a point. Somebody from school is walking ahead of me...I don't know him, so I don't try to catch up, but I notice that he vered off of the path that I usually walk, so I contemplate following his path, but decide not to. So I get to the corner where my two roads meet and start down the other one. Suddenly, I notice this guy with a grey hoodie and long hair, but he's so far away that not much else makes sense (except jis jeans and sneakers of course) so I can't help it that I'm running body types and statures and faces through my mind to figure if I go to school with him. I rule him out as we get closer to each other, but I also continue to study him-I'm bored after all. As we're twenty paces from each other, I realize that he's been waching me too, probably for different reasons though. He raises hir right eye-brow-doesn't smile, doesn't even return my wave and helllo, just raises the eye-brow, drops it and twitches his hands. That maade me look down and away from his face. He's holding one red pen each hand so that they look like top views of two very thin hand guns. He suddenly emitted this "cweeeppppiiiee" vibe, especiallly as we were passing each other almost shoulder to shoulder. Want to know why I am so freaking weird? After we passed each other, red flag went up in my mind, and I kept looking back to make sure he was still walking AWAY from me and NOT looking back. That's not the weird part, the weird part is that I am kind of hoping he goes to my school, just want to affirm or (whatever the synoym to that is) that he's not as "kid who will blow up school" as I thought he was. Still not done, but...wait for it.....wait foor it.... yada yada yada, do some things to kill the two hours till practice, run into some old teachers, some new teachers...yada yada yada...two hour practice....yaday yada yada yada... Okay, after practice, I talk to the team captain (one of them) about something that has to be settled. I've been getting flack about graduating early because it's clear that I'm definitly going to be stealing SOMEBODY's rank within the top ten percent. One of the major issues is that I might take Val. from the person that currently has it. I would never try to do that, she's worked four years at it, it'd be rude to want to take it from her. I'm overly competitive and I still said "Number two's good." So I sit down and we talk about what's going on and basically agree that I'm ot going to try to take it from her, but I'm not going to try not to either (it makes sense, it really does when you think about it). Then, just to make something clear, I ask her about her GPA, if it's clost to mine, then there's something to worry about. She usually gets about point two better than me-not a damn thing to worry about. The rest is normalish...Did I forget something....Hm don't know... Thanks for reading this though Yes, yes I did forget a couple of things: -I found out I'm going to have a class with only THREE students in it -I got to see the new 3D printer in action! Yay me! still forgetting something... -Georgia Tech sent me info on the President's Scholar (ship) program/award.... What else....
Okay, so my morning was unplanned, but not surprising to me. Except for the part where I was granted two hours on the computer if I spent an hour outside with the dog; I only had two hours when I learned this before i had to go somewhere. "Somewhere" meant catching the 24 bus so that I could reach the 23 bus and walk the rest of the way to school for a Sterering Committee meeting... About that...So, I'm waiting at the bus stop for the 24 (across the street from my house, and I don't mean fguritively. I mean, walk out my drive way, across the street and like twenty or or thirty paces to your left "Oh, I'm at the bus stop.") when this guy who I had ealrier in the summer had to remind that I am a minor (read, "Stop hitting on me and let me read my damned book freako." Something I'd never actually say, just imply) tells me that the bus broke down. I just realized how long and broken the previous sentence was, so here it is without the breaks : About that...So, I'm waiting at the bus stop for the 24 when this guy who I had ealrier in the summer had to remind that I am a minor tells me that the bus broke down. (moving forward) He also tells me that the next one comes in an hour. It was almost one o'clock, the meeting was at 1.30 ....an hour wasn't going to cut it. I swear to you this was my EXACT question, "Where is the nearest tewnty three?" "RIght up the street." "Are you kidding me?! I've been wasting my money!" "Yeah, it's right up the street." Now, I don't know what "right up the street" means to you, but I do not read that phrase to mean "Walk twenty minutes to Baltimore county from Middle River!" "Up the street," PAH and BAH Blarg a farg, if I hadn't improved my asthma I would be haunting that mofo right now! Anyway, I digress... SO, I pass FIVE 24 bus stops and decide that I don't give a damn because I just realized that the nearest 23 is another twentyfive minute's walk from the 24 bus stop that I plopped myself on the curb at. And, to be honest, if I walked THERE, I might as well as kept going to my damned school! Okay, so, ten minutes after I sit down, up comes the bus. But, I was looking at my shoe. Want to know why? Spoiler I rushed out of the house trying to catch the bus that later broke down. I didn't have on socks, and my sneakers weren't tied. I literally waked off a piece of my shoelace from the friction of how I walk So, on the bus I get. Blah-blah, ten minute ride blah-blah. As I'm getting ready to get off the bus, this woman looks up and says, "Where's your sons?" "He's my brother." SHe should know this, we've had the damn discussion the four previous times we've seen each other. Every freaking time she tries to congradulate me for being able to go to school, hold down a job and take care of two sons by myself. I'm a freaking high schooler whose never even done what needs to be done to have a son DAMMIT! Stop trying to call me a mother! I barely remember that I'm a high school senior for crying out loud. (This is long, very long. I'm not even half way done... Part two comes tomorrow, my "internet time" is over for tonight Something else I want to talk about BTW)
1. Tokio Hotel is cool at first, but, after one song, the vocalist's voice starts to annoy me. The masochist in me listens anyway 2. Mom just bought a new car which she says will be mine when she buys her van. The car is only four years old 3. I love, love, lovelove,lovelovelovelovelove LOVE volleyball, but I swear I have the body of someone twice my age. 4. I can already tell that this year is going to put me on a tee, pull back, and whack me with a niner club. "Fore!" 5. Spanish Five. Oh my freaking GOSH, AP Spanish Five, "Lo me confundi!" I don't even think I said that right 6. College is less than twelve months away. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! 7. Oh, and I have come to the conclusion that we are all born with a sense of pshyic something in us. I think that mainly because I keep dreaming scenes in my life that play out within 72 hours. And they're always inane. Maybe that's a good thing, if I had known what my first kiss would have been like, I wouldn't have done it....Anyhoo... 8. Sadly, the only way I would keep myself from not logging on would be if I asked to be banned, which I'm never going to do; I have to learn self-control after all 9. I have got to stop using so many smillies... 10. Life goes on whether you're weak or strong, just try not to be dragged along. You have to get up and strut, or at least pretend not to crawl. 11. How friggin random can I get? 12. I have nothing more to say, I just couldn't end on an odd number. Thanks for reading this though >insert biggrin<
Chrys felt the pains of her second litter coming, confused as to why she was pregnant. Nathan stood by her, he had heard their hearts , just as he had when Chrys went in ti labor with their first litter. "Children," he bekoned to them all, "Go get Aunties Reva, Ray and Fox, tell them 'there will be more.'" Chrys looked at Nathan with confusion, who was this man, and how did he know what she seemed not to? She allowed him to guide her to a cave closer to the stream, startled by how deft he was despite being seemingly blind. "How-" "I can hear as well as you can darling, if not better." He answered wisely before she had finished forming the question aloud. Chrys sat slowly upon the cave floor as Raylene and Reva entered, both smiling at her. Fox ealked in behind them, trailed by rat-roos and shoing her own child back out of the cave. Fox sat near Chrys' head, scratching her ears, "So, Cat girl brings more into the world." SHe grinned as Chrys began to purr. Raylene and Reva worked seemlessly together, having gone through the procedure numerous times with other women of the tribe. Raylene gently coaxed the first kit into the world, a soft mewing emitting from the youngster's mouth. Reva cleaned him up and handed him gently to his father who cradled him and places him into one of the waiting baskets padded with soft grasses and animal downs. Fox continued to relax Chrys by scrathing her ears when she would tense up from contractions. The four women and Nathan continued to work steadily as first one and then another kit took his or her first breath. Nathan smiled as he listened to his children mewing in their baskets, his wife would return to him soon. "Another full litter I see. What a wonderful mother Chrys." Chrys glared at her mate, wishing he could see her face, "You smile because the little buggers don't use you for food." She grasped her firend's and, "Fox, would you mind getting my water bladder so I can store some of this milk?" Fox nodded and walked away. Reva looked up at Chrys, "Everybody's healthy, I'm going to get rid of these." She held up the birth sacs, intending to take them to the death pile away from the tribe's home. Ray looked into Chrys' eyes, Hey, how are you feeling right now? Any worries? Chrys smiled back at her firend, No. But it is always funny to have Nathan spring back into my memory. Um, can you tell if any of the children are different per se? Rey looked over at the six kits, listening intently to each. YEs, the one with black eyes and no cat ears like his siblings, he's controlling his sister's arm, but can't move himself. Chrys followed Ray's description and watched as one of her kits lay completly still as his sister, right next to him, watched confusedly as her limbs eemed to move against her will. The little girl became frustrated and burst into flames. Nathan quickly grabbed a water bladder, they are stored in every cave because of the Bleek-Water's clan, and extinguished his infant daughter. "Okaay, this little princess has a bit of me in her."
Okay, while the other little girls were imaging their weddings, and how they were going to meet a prince and fall in love and live in a castle with their thoudans and one ponies, I was trying to understand what the hell was wrong wth them? Was I the delusional one, or was it them? My mom says I never asked for a horse, never ever mentioned marrying a prince, and -to this day- refuse to tell how many kids I want. I don't want them, they don't care if you do, and I see no point in planning. I can't plan my life around people. I'm sixteen, and if you asked me about my dream wedding, I could only tell you two things: -I will be barefoot for the ceromony (and go to Hades if you even suggest shoes, it's my day afterall) -my dress will be a pale blue at the shoulders and slowly transition to a midnight black/purple as it reaches the hem which will trail around me. About that, yeah, um don't even know if I'll get married or to whom/what (and by that I mean the following.) I've only ever dated guys, because, _see theother entry regarding why I even dated them- but some times wonder if I'm lying to myself or denying myself. I'm too shy about things like this, so, even if I did have a crush on somebody of the same gender, I couldn't tell her. I can see the ensuing teasing and such and would much rather avoid it. I hate when I don't undestand, and this is getting harder as I prepare to leave high school and venture into "the real word" which is a dumb phrase when you think about it. I'm getting sick of this, damned sick of it. And if you made it to this point in the blog, thanks for taking your time to "listen" to this little vent of mine:redface:
-she's more ballsy than I planned -according to my ma, the chick is actually realistic -she can kill a guy and not care, eventhough he died violently and he deserved to -she hasn't allowed the past to keep her from moving on -she's oddly mysterious while holding nothing back -and she's got a lion's heart despite what happens Now, if only I could take her from RPG to Fiction... I couldn't contain that kind of fire, and I won't even try
I don't know how it happened, but I'm blaming whomever it was that pestered p) me into joing my first RPG. Now I'm not only addicted to RPGs, but I m being stalked by Chrys. I cannot escape her for some odd reason She currently has three "embodiments": Chrystine Waters/Diane Katerina Krolita (Phoenix) Diane Chrystine Krolita (Vyle Comando) and, Chryssy Katera/ Chrystine Borden (Highlander Crwon of Thorns) I cannot get away! I want to charge up a hill and fall in a hole, and avoid her, but she'd be there with me Maybe she wants her own storyline? But I don't know how to give her one, or where to start even. I am afraid. My imagination has gotten away from me and decided to follow me around, plaguing me with its presence. Is there a drug for this Maybe I'm a wee bit wonky, I don't know, but I want to run for the hills... If only I could
You know something, at a very young age, I decided that I didn't want to plan for children of my own. At first, the decision was purely me not liking others' kids, and fearing that my own child would be like thiers. But, I came to a realizaton in the last year that children, like crises, and surprises cannot be planned for, no matter how hard you try. I find it funny sometimes, children like to spring into your life basically stating, "I am here, cope or find another option, but you can't erase me." Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that maybe all those people that love telling me "It'll be different when they're your own," are right, maybe it's not the process of children I was afraid of, it was the result of others' proces that had me freaking out. I feel this way mainly because of my little brother, he's not my first, but he's different than my other brother in that we are being raised together. I digress...The thing is, I met my little brother when he was four days old, he knew nothing, and was a clean slate, waiting to be etched upon and sculpted into a man someday. I was there when he started rolling over, responding to audio cues, responding to other's. When he began babbling, I was there, when he showed his disdain for me sticking my tongue out by rollling his neck, at two weeks, old-I was there. A lot of people that deal with him for various reasons of development like to point out that he has three parents: our mom, our gram, and myself. The first time I heard this, I wanted to go, "You're kidding, right? I'm just his sister." But I realize that I have been aiding in his raising, in my own way. I love the little guy, and when I get to see his first, it's kind of like a private ray of sunshine, if only for a moment. My little brother is a lot of things to me, from a nuisance to a constant reminder to get the hell over myself, but I love the Lil Munchkin. He and I are an odd pair, me at 5'7" holding the hand of a little 34" boy, but we are quite intune. He's my Little Beam of Sunshine, and I guess I'm just his Big Sis, but we love each other...And he's reminded me that children aren't a scary sight, nor a frightful thought, they're sculptures that haven't yet been finished.