What's Wrong With the Female Gaze?

Rape is a problem, unfortunately. It is one sole reason why patriarchy was so successful. It is the kind of violence that you never recover from, and any man can rape almost any woman, the strength difference is that big (not always, but mostly). Not only that, a male has that something to rape with. It's just how it is. It's a fact of life.

One thing I do know, though, if we wait for men as a group to voluntarily give up the patriarchy, if we wait for some kind of change in their consciousness, we will wait forever. An example, after WWII, my country became socialist. Previously, it was a heavily patriarchal monarchy, that was under the Turks for 400 years, so, like, really bad. All of a sudden, women were equal due to Marxist doctrine. And guess what? Within a few years, women were working, educating, becoming professors, judges, miners, soldiers etc. There was still patriarchy, but any overt manifestation of it was deemed 'anti-revolutionary' and punished. I grew up in a world completely unaware of the kind of gender discrimination that exists in the West. However, once the 1990s war happened again, and various churches took over once again, now the position of women in my society is closer to medieval than to the West. In just 20 years, 70 years worth of good stuff was destroyed. Like in Afghanistan as well.

So the tendency in men, as a gender, to legislate rape (which is what patriarchy essentially is) will always be there. Whether a woman is raped physically or metaphorically, emotionally or psychologically, intellectually or socially, because that is what all these harassments and expectations, judgements and glass ceilings do, she can never recover from that harm, and the burden can not be placed solely on the victim of violence to end violence. The only way is to legislate against it, to pay close attention to what messages children are receiving.

But men need to believe in it, like they believed in socialism and understood why such gross inequality, even to women, is not only immoral but damaging to our peace and society. Just look at how deeply patriarchal the most war-mongering societies on earth are (US, UK, Israel, North Korea, Iran etc). This is what you get when you have a bunch of guys running amock, and otherwise a total absence of female perspective. It's disgusting what they are doing with all their penis substitutes (submarines, tanks, rockets etc). Violence is the problem affecting much more than 'just women'.

Fashion seems to affect our opinions a lot. Back in the '70s and '80s a man could prance around in short short and sleeveless shirts, and not look like a freak to the contemporary people. I've seen some summer pictures of my parents, and Björn Borg just made the look ok, I suppose. Now why did it change, why has the fashion become less permissive in this regard, dunno. I wouldn't mind if you wore less clothing when outside on a hot summer day 'cause it'd make you more comfortable. Too bad it's just not socially acceptable. Granted, I did see my fair share of guys doing sports in short shorts, but they didn't go to the shops looking like that, or to the pub, or any such place.

That's an interesting perspective, I can certainly understand the rationale. However, there's something else we can do, that doesn't involve guns. Yes, rape is a crime, technically, but misogynistic practices in law and politics made it not only possible but usual for those laws to be non-applicable in reality.

They put the type of burden of proof on a woman (any rape victim, really) that only a rapist could demand, even though it is easy for a skilled psychiatrist to determine whether someone's been raped or not. But they, the legislators, conveniently don't accept that. They want the DNA and even if you give them it, a rapist only needs to say 'she consented', and if he didn't leave the victim with permanent and severe injuries (and even if he did, you know, maybe she liked it rough...) good luck trying to make anyone give a rat's ass about the nightmares and flashbacks and anxiety and loss of job and depression and suicidal thoughts... Actually, a rape victim is putting herself in danger of being proclaimed a crazy liar and a fantasist if she as much as mentions this evidence of her assault. Next thing, she is being reported to her work for being 'unstable' and her rapist is suing her for slander. Which makes me think that most people who condone and make these laws are rape-tolerant, if not worse.

Anyway, current laws are just a lip service to human rights, ticking off the box and pacifying women voters. In reality, an overwhelming majority of rapists go free and almost all the victims never get justice, sympathy or compensation. If it's a crime on paper, it certainly doesn't appear to be so in reality. And even if that one in a million rapists gets convicted, they have a contingency for that as well - ridiculously small punishments, out in 18. Months, that is, for ruining someone's life. I'm not saying a rape victim is finished as a person, no, but every rape victim remembers her life before and after the rape, and the difference between the two is indelible. This forced state, to me, is the end of one life (genuinely being able to feel safe, to relax and trust) and the beginning of another in which that fundamental capacity is lost. But add onto it a taboo, and you get the fact that even though this non-crime is so prevalent, vast majority of people don't have any idea what it's all about, because victims of rape are silenced or ridiculed.

Just recently, some guy was convinced that it's the feminism telling women to feel bad about rape that's more damaging than the rape itself, which, in his opinion, was kinda 'not that bad if you don't let it get to you'. This is the result of patriarchy. This is where bad men get good men to participate or at least be complicit. You don't need guns to change any of this, ultimately. You need laws that will be reasonable, fair and diligently enforced. But if those to whom the law is accountable are misogynists who don't want to see this happen, then we are back at the victim having the responsibility to get a gun and use it, and if she doesn't manage to save herself, she'll probably lose her life and if she doesn't, she's back to square one, the problem still remains.

I'd be worried sick too, if I was you, and I only go out alone like that with my scary looking dog. Heck, I worry when my husband and said dog go for a walk late at night. But, and this feeds to both aspects of your comment, two thirds of rapes are committed by a non-stranger, mostly an acquaintance, friend or even a family member. The problem with relying on a gun for rape protection is, these rapists, the most common ones, drug their victims often, or get them drunk or attack them in their sleep, or otherwise plan an attack when they know the victim will lower the guard. The victims never see it coming. It can be your friend's dad, your best friend, your cousin, your dentist etc.

So while it works in terms of worrying less about Kat, because it is really quite unlikely she'll get attacked just like that, it doesn't bode well for gun as protection. You need to be prepared, have access to your gun and be conscious in order to use it, and two third of victims don't really get that chance So it would help some, but not most.

Having worked closely with this issue, I've grown to understand that the essential pitfall of rape understanding is this misguided notion that the rape can be avoided or prevented. In small number of cases sure it can, but the nature of the crime is such that vast majority of the time, the only person who can stop rape from happening is not the victim, but the rapist. They already make sure they protect themselves from victim fighting back, but they are confident that for every one rapist in jail, there are millions of rapists walking free, even if everyone knows they are rapists. This is why the crime is prevalent, if the rapists themselves knew the likelihood of them ending up in jail is very high, I know, because I've studied them, they would be less likely to commit this crime. Especially the power-reassurance type, and they are most common.

@jazzabel Do you think there's nothing women (and men) can do to change the situation so that in the vast majority of cases it wouldn't be up to the rapist to stop it?

A rapist has no foolproof way. The one who stalks and attacks strangers will typically have many potential victims before he victimises one. Non-stranger rapists groom their victims sometimes for years (adult victims, grooming is also seen in paedophilia), there are many missed opportunities, and you hear victims often reflect on that, after they are raped and suddenly can put their 'friend' or a relative in the context of their true motivations. Rape is a game of hunting, and the assault can take just a few minutes, or, if they manage to lure their victim into a place where they won't be disturbed, it can last for hours or days. Most rapists have a very specific fantasy which they seek to re-enact with each victim, so a lot depends on that

@KaTrian :
EDIT: I thought this was a good overview of techniques all women should employ, to minimise chances of being assaulted, it's a good guidance
<http://m.wikihow.com/Prevent-a-Potential-Rape

I think there's loads we can do, incidentally, legislators are successfully avoiding implementing it. Firstly, we need to abandon (as we have done for victims of childhood sexual abuse) current, narrow-minded notion of 'proof' in rape cases. DNA is no guarantee of conviction in our courts, so continuing to insist on it is setting up victims for failure. It is obvious that rapists are invested in avoiding capture and current laws are making it easy for them to do so. Victim testimonies, psychiatric assessment and circumstantial evidence should be enough for conviction. Sentences should be draconic, repeat offenders put away for life.

Currently, many men oppose this on grounds of fear of false accusation and imprisonment. Tough. Women live in fear and under implied threat of rape since we can remember. Today, one in four is a victim, vast majority never get justice. If the price of eradicating rape ( or reducing it significantly) is that some men end up falsely accused, well, I can live with that. If one in four men end up in jail, falsely accused, like one in four women currently live with the aftermath of sexual assault, we can say it didn't work.

Also, age-appropriate sex and sexual assault education in schools. Teach girls both what to do to decrease chances of being assaulted but also should something happen to them, how to react, how to preserve evidence, and then make sure there's no backlog on the rape kits. Address the whole media thing and the porn thing and the domestic violence thing. Self-defence and body-awareness training as a part of PE in schools seems like a sensible idea. Address misogyny on the institutional level. None of this will eradicate violence, but it will significantly reduce it, I think it would be worth a try.

ps. In editing this comment I lost all the spaces, sorry about the sausage of text!

because it is now 6am, my brain is running on fumes, but I will say, in short, that I wish humans could just run around naked and free....but alas this will never happen. Nor do women have equal rights to bare their naked torso! Case in point I went swimming in Lake Michigan the other day with 2 lady friends, and we ended up taking off some pieces of clothing to jump in. Afterwards, as we were soaked and wet, one of my friends decided to she wanted to walk home in just her bra and undies. I told her, hey man, you will probably get a ticket for doing that, because only men can walk around, exposing themselves. What kind of a world is this.....FREE THE BODY!!!

Here women can sunbathe in the central park of Helsinki (the capital city) topless...