Farewells and Goodbyes

The German band ‘Wolfsheim’ released a song called “Kein zurück” (loosely translated “there is no going back”) in 2003. There is one line which – due to certain circumstances – I can’t get out of my mind today.

“Bis du irgendwann begreifst,

Dass nicht jeder Abschied heißt,

Es gibt auch ein Wiedersehen. (Wolfsheim, „Kein Zurück“ 2003)

Again, in loose translation:

Until you comprehend, that not every farewell means there will be a reunion.

‘Yeah, of course,’ you may say, ‘that’s nothing new. We knew this already.’ Well, I had to discover today, that there is a big difference between knowing and understanding. I still haven’t managed the understanding very well, and I fail completely when it comes to accepting.

During our life we meet a lot of people. The exact number may depend on where we live and how we live, but usually it’s something you can’t avoid. Starting with your family the circle gets wider and wider. People come into our life in different contexts, some are more important to us than other. You choose some of them, like your closest friends. Or you simply have to deal with some people, for better or worse, like your boss at work. Sometimes we are lucky, and what started as a ‘forced’ meeting turns into a deep and trustful friendship. One of my best friends is a former colleague of mine. He is over twenty years older than me, and I doubt we would have ever met outside of work.

Some relationships are bound to end or at least change after a certain time. For example, when you finish school you have to leave behind even your most favourite teachers. You may still see them from time to time at reunions, but it will never be the same.

There are even friendships with a due date. People move away and it gets harder to hold the contact, or people - including yourself – change and there is fewer common ground.

Though it’s a little sad usually you can deal with it. Life goes on, you meet new people. And somehow, even when friends are no longer part of your life, they are at least somewhere around, hopefully happy and well.

It’s a completely different matter, when you know they aren’t.

These are the abrupt, unexpected endings. And they are always unexpected, even when you know the person already lived on borrowed time. They hit you like a rock.

And if there are loose ends, which are partly your fault, because you retreated for a while, not knowing things have taken a bad turn, it gets worse. A very brave and kind woman, who I laughed and cried with and who called me her friend, who invited me into her home and cooked for me to show me her gratefulness, is gone forever. And I didn’t know until today. I didn’t even get the chance to bid farewell.

No one is blaming me, and I know she wasn’t alone, but my own regret hurts a lot in addition to the sadness that I’ll never see her again.

I made a promise to myself tonight. No more procrastinating when it comes to friendship. Because you never know what might happen until it’s too late. And you might not get a second chance because some things – if you like it or not – are final.

Apart from that I can only wish her well and say her my belated ‘goodbye’.