Round Two

In the summer of last year, I made this blog post, in which I wrote this paragraph:

Today is my last day in Greece.

It's a painful sentence for me to write (or think about). Every summer, it's the same story. Get excited about going home to Greece for the summer, and get literal nightmares as the days grow nearer and nearer to the time where I am to go back to the UK to continue my studies.
​

This summer, things aren't any different, and the time has come for me to depart once again for the winter in order to continue my degree. This will be my second year out of the third. Or second year out of the fourth, if I choose to take a work placement year. I'm still not sure whether I'll do that, though. But I have time to decide.

It's been a wonderful summer. One the best one I've had in years. I got plenty of rest to recover from all the hardship I endured the year that followed my 'Last Day' blog post. I didn't speak much of it but I experienced a very low point in my mental health. Maybe the lowest I ever have. It was a combination of various factors that I'd rather not speak of. And they don't really matter for the scope of this post.

What matters is that I'm much better. That was my goal when I came back here and I've achieved it. I honestly wasn't sure if I could. In my first few weeks here, I feared that I would never return to what I once was the previous summer, but thankfully, this wasn't case.

I participated in a lot of things that made me happy. Of course, that doesn't automatically fix everything, but it did help. It was important. I did a lot. The only thing I didn't do a lot of writing. But to write, I have to be in a good head space. Else I couldn't have written. That's why I don't feel too much regret. I simply had to do what I have to.

Now I'm writing again and have been since August. I plan to keep it up even during the academic year. Maybe I won't be able to write a lot but I have to keep it up. Up there in the cold country of England where happiness is scarce (at least for me), it does help to have such a thing.

Of course, I don't swim in happiness. At the end of the day, I'm stuck in the system of a country I dislike (my older blog post explains why). It is a pretty big problem. I had thankfully explained the entire situation to a mental health professional months before the summer and she agreed with me that I'm stuck in a seriously rough spot. This isn't just in my head, which is good to know.

Still, I'm trying my best and I'm doing what I can despite the various challenges. I don't quite know where I'm going, nor do I know what I'm precisely going to do once I obtain my degree. All of that stuff is a mystery I've yet to decipher. But I can't do anything other than press forward, take it as it comes, and see how it all works out.

I'm still figuring out my autism and what it really means. It sucks how I only got diagnosed last winter, after 23 years on this earth, but it is happy news that I found out at all. It did solve quite a few mysteries around my strange personality.

Most of all, I'm still thankful to this community who I owe so much. The writing help at times translated into my real life in unexpected ways.

It's time to return to the gloomy land of the cold tomorrow. But that doesn't matter. I remind myself that, despite the disproportionate time I spent in England each year, despite what my declared permanent address is in legal papers, Crete is my true home and it will always be. It's where I was born, it's where I grew up and had so many beautiful memories, and it's where my journey on this mysterious reality will eventually end.

It's round two in university now! I'll spent autumn, winter and spring there. And just as it always has, summer will shine again.

In celebration of that, I'll post the lyrics of Blue Skies. A song that's so incredibly fitting and one I love very much. This song also inspired one of my short stories, posted here in the contests.

The sea went on forever, into the blue distance
That road went on forever, continuing straight ahead

The person who sincerely laughs first wins
The person I love most is laughing

Even if I were farther away than anyone else, would you still smile for me from here?
When I close my eyes, suddenly I can smell the scent of a summer day

Playing in that river, just the two of us, we were covered in mud
I'm chasing that cloud... if I reach it, I'll be happy

The one who runs up this hill fastest wins
Aiming for that place we like best

I have so many memories that I almost don't need anything else
When I close my eyes, soon I can smell the scent of that sea

Summer comes again, shining silver
Our shadows reflected on the surface of the water

Even if I were farther away than anyone else, would you still smile for me from here?
When I close my eyes, suddenly I can see that day's blue sky ​