A Word About Critiques and Beds

Analogy About Giving Critiques

A lot of the writers and critics are too nice when editing someone else’s work. There is this barrier of politeness that shrouds every piece of bad writing. People are afraid to hurt the author’s feelings.

Well, that’s stupid. For one thing, if you’re writing on the internet, who cares whose feelings you hurt. You’ll never see them, and frankly, the idea of respect on the internet is silly (I’ve been to 4chan and reddit way too often, and it has probably hardened my stance on this). And frankly, if a comment on the internet makes you cry, you’re in for an awakening when you get to the real world.

Anyways, don’t be afraid to hurt someone’s feelings on the internet (If you’re doing a workshop in real life, you can hold your tongue/pen to avoid those nasty punches to the jugular). If you see a piece of work that is terrible, you need to tell the author. You can tell him the truth and piss him off for a day or give him unwarranted praise and cripple him for life. It doesn’t matter if his piece is a vaguely worded indie piece about the darkness in his heart. Tell him/her about all the grammar issues, atrocious plot holes, suicidingly boring characters, and what not. Otherwise they’ll never know about it, and they never get better.

Writing has become a sanctimonious safe haven from critiques. People treat others’ writing as untouchable, only pointing out compliments and parts they liked. It’s as if they insulted the piece, they’re judging the person. The piece isn’t the person, it is a piece of art that needs critiques.

Here’s an analogy. Let’s say you’re sleeping next to your girlfriend/boyfriend. You don’t criticize the way he/she sleeps because that'd be rude, but let's say your girlfriend starts drooling on your pillow. You’re like, “Fine, it’s only a wet spot that I sometimes put my face in.” The next night, she starts snoring like a pig in heat, keeping you up for the whole night, but you still keep your mouth shut because you don’t want to be rude. It's just snoring, and in fact, the next day you buy purple ear plugs to avoid the problem. The next day, her doctor recommends her to only eat tacos and beans, so she has severe flatulence at night. You start making excuses for her, “It’s doctor’s orders, and she can’t do anything about it.” Then, the night after, she rolls over next to you, snuggling her butt against your crotch. You’re thinking fine, “This is why I put up with her.” You pull her closer and snuggle.

Then she takes a huge butt spattering shit all over your boxers. She just shit the bed. The tacos and beans are too much and overcame the valiant defense of her sphincter. There is feces soaking into the bed sheets and running down your leg.

This is how I feel when I read a bad story from someone with over 500 posts. Someone should have told this man/woman the truth about his or her writing style. The worst is when I see the replies for the story all praise its uniqueness and deepness. Vague, grammar retardedness, and thesaurus usages does not constitute a deep piece of work.

P.S.
Feel free to rip this post or any of my pieces apart. My grammar is particularly retarded even though I grew up speaking English.