Published by Alesia in the blog Black Gives Way To Blue. Views: 439

Am I incapable of living without substance abuse? Am I just one of those people that no matter what I try I will never be able to face reality without an altered mind?

It sure feels like it lately...

I quit using drugs and alcohol in April of 2010, but lately drinking is making a big comeback in my world. If I'm honest with myself, I'd start using again in a heartbeat. My fiance, however, has said she'll leave me if I do that, yet she seems to have no issue with drinking. Therefore, with all of the stress I'm under, it feels like alcohol is my only out. I drink before work, at lunch, and after work. Because of that, I could get fired at any moment, but I can't force myself to stop; I feel like I can't function without it. I know I need to stop before it gets completely out of hand, but I kind of don't want to.

I don't know what to do. I guess I just had to let it out somewhere.
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