I am going to cry about DEATH

Published by violetinsideme in the blog violetinsideme's blog. Views: 99

You do not know me and I do not know you. I do not know if you have lost a Mother or Father, Son or Daughter, Sister or Brother or best friend; two legged or four. But I want to talk about death, and what of it I know. I could start with the death of me, figuratively, but what is that but wasted breathe?
In August, my girlfriends family friend of YEARS, blew his brains out. In the truck he had owned, in his Mamas yard, just blew his brains out. Donald had late stage MS, He could not live in tha condition anymore. Did it affect me? Well of course, this was my loves extended family. They are a community, like, it takes a village to raise a child, type community.
Two weeks later, his Dad, Buck while working on the local church, died of a heart attack. Fred Burke was working with Buck that day, and one week later, he died...of a stroke. A week after that , my beloved little four legged baby, my and Tammies first, was killed. We were devastated, and still are. I love you Bogie...I love you.
Do not think that I am minimizing human life, but this loss, of Bogie, DESTROYED us. I do not want to get to deep, because I alone had to lay him to rest. It still haunts me... and I go to his grave and stack his rocks and tell the little boy, I love him.
I am not finished...
About two weeks after my boy died, My grandfather died. He had kicked me off his land when I was 19 because I was lesbian, told me not to come back. July before last we reunited and he told me for the first time in fifteen years he loved me. He asked me to call him and please come back...I did not. I did not even know what to call him... I lost my chance.
One day before that my Uncle on my daddies side passed... i could not make that funeral...I am sorry Uncle Jim.
But of all this death and mayhem and tears and sadness... this reckoning with death... and the fact that it waits for me, you...US. Inevitable death. Inevitable. Let me talk with you about the feeling I had this weekend.
My girlfriends second Mama, You know, her best friends mama, who loved her like her own... had "the plug pulled". I had met her one time in the five years Tammie and I have been together. We came into her room Saturday morning, no family had arrived. She lifted her hand and waved at me. Now the Drs. and Nurses said she was completely unresponsive. But to me, that tear in her eye, that squeeze on Tammies hand, tht wave in my direction, prooved otherwise. But she would live the rest of her days with an injection to remove the fluids, an injection to stop the pain, an injecton to "make her comfortable". Oh God help her... I prayed. But I knew the inevitable was coming within the hour. Although I prayed it would not. I called my very spiritual Daddy to pray, I prayed.
Soon the family came out in tears, it was that time, time to pull it. I rushed to her bedside with no family around, only Doctors waiting to do what was to be done. I asked if I could pray for her. They asked me please, take your time. Remember, I had only met this woman once. As I took her hand, with her eyes looking into mine, I said " Joan, I am going to pray for your soul and your salvation." She blinked at me with a tear in the corner of her eye. I will not tell you of the prayer, between God, Her and I...
but I will say, she understood. This, that, Saturday, was her day to leave this world, and she and I understood that together. This woman I barely knew.
I guess there is no point to this. Only that I have been effected, and that death is not our worst enemy, but our best friend. Because death is there, waiting for all of us. In the end, there will be death, even if there is noone else. Rest in Peace all my loved ones, and yours too. Love and be loved...everyday. Let's talk abot death...
Is it Your turn? Your Mams? Daddies? Your childs? LOVE DAMNIT!!!!!! LOVE NOW!!!!!!!! feel me?
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