I Said Something

As I've mentioned before, I have a cognitively-disabled son, on the autistic spectrum, which I think makes me sensitive to the way these folks are sometimes treated in the "real world." There's something especially vulnerable in a human being who can't play the social game well. We've been fortunate that most of our outside helpers (e.g. non-family and paid), from therapists to teachers to home-care aids, have been reliable and compassionate. But I worry about when we are gone and he has to rely on his twin sister and the "kindness of strangers."

It says something about our society that we pay our athletes and entertainers, and business moguls, so much money, but are so parsimonious with money for real human needs. I know that agencies usually struggle to find quality help, because the salaries offered are so low and the needs can be so great (and the clients can be so difficult). So I temper my criticism of paid helpers (not those dealing with my son) as much as I can, because I know that it's hard for me to judge from the outside -- and that if I don't have the ability to make things better I will probably just make it worse.

And not only paid helpers. I am sometimes haunted by a scene I recall from the waiting room for my son's speech therapist. A kid came in, was wheeled in really by a young couple. He obviously had little muscle control and relied on a wheelchair. He seemed a typical kid of about 6, big glasses and nicely-dressed. He had a pack of cards, I think baseball cards, in his lap and he somehow spilled them. The male part of the couple got really mad at the kid and scolded him, and made him struggle to pick the cards up. I wanted to say something, but held back -- I suspected the man was the mother's boyfriend, and she seemed sort of mousy or cowed. I knew that the best I could do was temporarily have some effect, but more likely embarrass and anger the boyfriend, who would likely take it out on the couple later.

That's what I thought, and told myself, and it was probably true. But it bothered me then, and bothers me now.

I thought of this because when I am at the gym usually one or more adult clients, cognitively-challenged, are brought in with a staff member of a local agency. The guys (usually they are guys) are guided to the treadmills and allowed to exercise. Some staff members stay with their client and coax and coach -- but others take the opportunity to sit and chat on their cell phone, paying little or no attention to the client. It irks me and I know it's a common problem -- my sister is a manager at a mental retardation agency in another city, and said it's one of her biggest issues with staff. But they have to handle it carefully, because staff members are so hard to find.

Anyway, until today I've gone through my exercise routine and bitten my tongue, knowing that as long as the clients are safe, it's not really my business. Today, though, the staff member was sitting on a bench while his client was on a treadmill, totally out of sight. After while I noticed that the client's treadmill had stopped (the time was up) and he was simply standing there, trying to figure out what to do. I walked over to the staff member and said, simply, "your client's treadmill has stopped." He gave me a dirty look, got up, and walked over to the client, phone in hand, did some scant interaction, started the treadmill again, sat on another piece of equipment far from me, and resumed his conversation on the phone.

And that was that. I did what I could, and maybe helped a little, but it was doubtful. Though I did feel a bit, if not better, at least less frustrated. If that makes sense.