But I have no idea what to think.
The world moves on, constantly growing like a baby on mental steroids.
Things I hate, here right at this moment writing this, makes me wonder; beside the fact that I'm thinking or wondering about the truth behind all of this, like is this real, a dream? besides that. I'm thinking 'wtf' are you actually busy with... What are you doing now that will have any effect on tomorrow or yesterday or now? Soon as that's done, next up comes the other thought; What's the reason for it, what if I change something now! what then? will I actually be happy or sad the next day. Not just the next day, constantly having thoughts about the past, constantly analysing every memory in detail... Makes me crazy...
I had a reason for wanting to write this, and possibly writing it this way? I like to think in that way, because if you think about it, it kinda makes you wonder... Like this, I write it this way because it may have affect on someone else!? Even not, maybe affect in another way, like; Maybe someone reads this and sees an error my sentence in and then reply by fix it, or leave a comment on it. Now the interesting part is, what for. Say the person had a great day, they read this it may mess them up, or having a bad day, it could lift them in a way, say that someone fixed the error and they commented on it, they see that they are the first which kinda boosts the person "Keep it simple". Or it could change the way people see me... So many different things that could happen by one simple choice. I see reason in everything.
Back to the actual reason I wanted to post this, because of total randomness, I never actually plan ahead, well it depends "on many things" I guess. I was wondering about life bah ha like everyone else... Anyway, my life to be more specific; | |
that's it over a million words.... I once tried to make a spider web on paper, by writing down every thought I get and then obviously connected each of them. It didn't work...
Pondering about the next step in 'life' hmmm what to do, what to do... I constantly have the a urge to pack up and leave the country, sell everything, get tickets, get visas and go... Go to where ever life takes me... But some other anti-decision thought pops up, and leaves that one hanging for a while, until it drops. And by drop meaning, something else came to mind...
I hate when people ask me where do you see yourself in 10 years... Really?? I hope fucking dead... Then again I think well, I'm stuck here anyway it's not like some 'god' will grant me my wish... So onwards earth, 10 years from now... Part of a company or head of a company inside the game development section. I'm well on my way, but some days I find it really hard to even wake up, not being lazy or anything, its a thought about life which makes me unstable.
I suck it up and venture on, work hard, and hard work some more... Chasing a dream, staying focused is obviously key, as well as the love for it. Nothing more I can say about the 10 years, it's not like the things I wanted 10 years back happened. "key"
Not knowing what you want is a messy fuck-up...
Right about here, I got out of juice for the day, either caused by my coffee being finished... or something else, I can still write on about plenty of things... But I don't feel like it, much to-do...
Illusion, maybe its the best way to go about. Just fooling yourself everyday, lying to yourself only to be happy or actually hoping to be happy.
or "Truth" Which in my mind is just another edited lie,
or live life as it is, day by day not to worry about today, yesterday or tomorrow, which ends up thinking in the future anyway, so that's no good... "rent"
Accepting life as it is, I will die. By that I like to think that, the only thing your actually doing everyday, is changing your life ending.
"try re-thinking that question"
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