I'll get there.

Way back when, when I started writing my 'big project', I figured I had read enough books to know how it was done. Wow, was I wrong. I got into a debate with my wife about how much money she was spending on audio books. I told her she could check them out from the public library for free, but she insisted they never had the ones she wanted. She played one for me, on a road trip we took into Kentucky. I got a new view of my wife that day. It was vampire porn. Pure smut. If there had been video, I'd have sworn it was on Pornhub and I boasted that I could write better than what we were listening to. At that she threw down the proverbial gauntlet, and challenged me to put up or shut up.

I just realized that was about FIVE years ago.

The project was devised but not outlined knowing how I wanted to begin and how I wanted to end, figuring I'd only have to fill in the middle to connect the two. That didn't work out too well. I got about twenty thousand words in and understood just how far over my head I had gotten myself. That draft was a patchwork of plot holes and contradictions, tense and POV slips, and a just plain non working storyline- among other bad things and writerly kisses of death. I'm thinking I may have to scrap the whole thing and start over. Keeping my characters and premise, of course.

Once I realized the position I had put myself, I shelved the project and started studying everything on writing craft I could find. Since then, I have been through just about every free writing class I could find (and more than a few paid classes), and joined a bunch of different writing forums. Some have been more helpful than others. Some have been utterly useless troll pits. I won't get into the trash talking about online forums, but this has been one of the more helpful.

The resources are out there if you put forth the effort to find them. Being able to afford them is another story, I am trying to do this on the cheap. The online writing classes range from free and dirt cheap to some huge price tags for a single class. While they do tend to fall into that 'you get what you pay for' category, it's not always so. Some of the free ones have surprised me and pay classes have disappointed. And don't get me started on the how-to books on writing. I think the only place you'll find more how to books than in my collection is Amazon. I've driven myself into an open field of migraines and tension headaches over this, and at this point I think I've eaten enough ibuprofen because of it that one day soon my liver might pack up a hobo pole and head on down the road.

I have yet to get back to that original project even though I feel far more capable than before, and sure I can make a much stronger go of it this time. Still, I have been writing and submitting. There has been no dearth of ideas or material to write, just look at the news on any given day and there's a year's worth of source material right there on the front page. Contests have been fun, but again can get expensive after a while. Many have an entry fee (contrary to the popular belief, that does not automatically scream scam). I've been short listed on a few, but haven't made the final cut yet. Submitting to magazines and online journals has been a little frustrating. It would be nice to say I was on my way to collecting enough rejection slips to wallpaper my bathroom, as if my wife would allow such a thing. But the truth is I don't have any rejection slips (I don't have any acceptances either). Beyond that automated email acknowledging the receipt of the submission, the one with the tag line that says 'do not respond to this email', I haven't heard anything back from anyone. I know it's permissible to check on a submission after a suitable amount of time, and I have. But those queries tend to go unanswered too. My big hope is that one day they, those who art them, the ones who read the incoming submissions, will be able to stop laughing long enough to respond.

In some small way I guess I'm using those outlets as a benchmark of my writing prowess. I'm not there yet, but I know where there is and I'll get there eventually.