I've flunked my exams

Published by Charisma in the blog Maniacal Mysteries Untold. Views: 77

Not technically, but for me, these marks are for those who flunk.
I got my result for mid-terms.I won't be too hard on myself, and I'll say that I did pretty better in some subjects. But in some subjects, I'm just horrified. And perhaps depressed.

Urdu - 81/100 (Not bad at all. I love it, my Urdu isn't very good and the highest is 85.)
Biology - 85/100 (Last time, I got 78. And the main reason I didn't get better marks is because the teacher doesn't know what 'gush', and many other words, mean.)
Physics - 81/100 (It's actually 82, but the teacher has given me an invalid mark. I'd say it's OK, he did say it was 'very good'.)
History - 40/50 (Highest I've ever got anyway. Then, I didn't study for this baby.)
Geography - 46/50 (If you skip two chapters out of seven and get this, I'll say: YEEHAW!)

Now the bad ones.

Chemistry - 79 (Not good. I need to practice a little more.)
Islamiat - 77 (Okay, I got 78 last year, so it's OK, especially since I didn't complete the paper because I was running out of time - and it wasn't my fault. The teacher misguided me and I had to redo a question. Bah.)
Maths - 79 (WHAT! From 92 to 79! I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS!)

Now the worst. Worst of all...

Just guess.

English - ...

80? No.

75? No.

70? NO!

Just pass!

(Where 50% is pass, but for me it's just pass. D grade? NEVA!)

I hate school. I hate my teachers. I hate Cambridge University. I hate Matriculation. I hate my people.

I should think that, after what has happened, but I won't. Because according to my parents, it's my fault. Like always. {Nevertheless, I don't hate school, or my people. Just condemn them for some stuff.}

So, ok, it is some of my fault. Let me explain from a neutral stance. For some reason, since I've started my Cambridge, I don't really go good in English. I blame myself - I wrote like a novelist when they ask for a 600-word essay. Also, I wasn't very good with following rules (like putting non-English words in italics). Anyhow, after some time, I overcame that. I made simple plots, stuck to the word limit and followed rules. I checked my vocabulary as deem-worthy and appropriate. But it's just not in my luck. Here's a list of my grades since 9th grade till now (I'm in 10th grade now, second term.)

October assessments '06 - 40/50. No Essays involved (i.e. only paper 2 of Cambridge format.)

Mid-term '06 - 68/100. My essay was on a 'phone call which changed my life'. I wrote about a girl 'A' who received mysterious phone calls from a man who said her sister would die. But she didn't know of a sister since her parents were divorced and she lived with her Dad in another country. She meets a girl, 'B' the next day who becomes her good friend, and her new friend spends the night at her house. 'A' sees a similar message on 'B's mobile and they realize they are sisters. Then their parents surprise them by coming in and announcing that they're getting married again. Maybe not all that, but hey, it wasn't despicable an idea.

March assessments '07 - 35/50. My essay was on finding a handkerchief covered in blood. It was about a guard of a marketing company who found a handkerchief covered in blood in the boss's drawer. He finds out she is suffering from an illness and needs to go to the hospital. Although having no transportation or money, and not wanting to sacrifice his holiday, he convinces himself to take her to the hospital. The boss's husbands pays him well and he learns that his wife was trying to slow poison herself out of depression. Thus the guard realizes that it's better to be poor and content - rather than rich and miserable. Okay, it went bad, but hey, it's not that bad, right?

Final exams '07 - (Don't remember, either in 70s or 80s)/100.The topic was 'Boys don't cry. Write about this topic in any way you like.' And I did. It was first person, and so a boy narrated that his parents didn't like it when he cried, and so when he wept at his sister's wedding who was leaving for another city, they grounded him and he was alone at his home. A crook tried to break in at which he cried so loud that the neighbors heard him and saved his life. So he kind of justified his crying. Okay, it's simple, and just fine, but by then I had assumed that my teacher didn't like complicated stories. But it didn't help. You may be thinking 'you got something in between 70s and 80s, so what? You did improve.' but one should notice that final examinations are always marked leniently so no student fails. Just to satisfy the parents.

October assessments '07 - I won't write anything about this because some other teacher checked it, and she had an opposite reaction of what my current teacher has. She read the essay out loud in class and on Parent-teacher meeting she spent at least ten minutes praising me. Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah), I don't really know if it was all that.

Mid-term '06 - Duh, 69/100. the topic was 'write a story about an earthquake victim.' So, I wrote the aftermath of the victim's best friend after her death. Bah. You can see what I got. The worst part is, I rank with kids who don't even know what 'sibling' is (just an example, I don't mean to insult them. They have many other qualities I don't have, so they are just as good as me, or maybe better. But I'm talking about English here.) Even the worst students in class got 75, 78, and so on! That's mainly what made me upset. Especially since there was no SPAG issue in my entire Essay and Report questions. I felt degraded.

I know I'm not great at English, everyone on the forum can see that, but I'm not worth this. I...hoped I'm not.

Apparently, this is only because my teacher is (a) jealous of me (my mom thinks so), or (b) doesn't understand my essays. I played around the last suggestion and made my plots simpler, but it didn't really help. Maybe she still holds a grudge against me for laughing at her in class one day (I swear, it was spontaneous!). Or maybe she is jealous. But that's stupid. I'm not that good in English (but where people don't understand words like exertion, gush and so on, or at least penalize them, I don't think being very good at English is needed.)

And my mother and sisters just asked me to 'stop using difficult English'. I argued that I didn't know what was difficult for those dudes/dudets! (I have this issue with almost all my teachers, but in lesser degrees in some). They said: 'learn word-by-word for those subjects you can, and for English try to write simple stories with zero creativity.'
I know I can't get past with good grades without 'being simpler', but that means I'll study for the sake of studying from now on. Just what I was running away from. I want studying to be beneficial in making me a better person, not only for a flawless record. I sure want good grades, but not more than individuality and sincerity of heart. Well, I guess that's how it will be from now on. Bummer. Now I hate writing. And that's even more ironic since I managed to write this blob of text.
  • Crazy Ivan
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