As I've said before, I write because I want to tell stories that entertain people, but it's more than that, and not nearly that simple. I want to be able to tell stories that people can't wait to read. That's a long road to walk down. Especially when you battle your own demons all along the way.
I've written more in the last six months, and more consistently than I ever have before. Yet, I still feel like a fraud, like someone playing at being a writer, even though my platform building is going well enough, and I have followers out in the vastness of the webs. I still feel like a fake. I'm not sure that's ever going to go away.
I just finished a short story series and a standalone short story. The first is available for viewing, the second I submitted to a contest and am waiting to hear back on. I finished the first project only days ago, and I've been trying to think of what project I want to tackle next. That's where my self-doubt gets me into trouble.
You see every year since 2011 I've participated in Nanowrimo. I've only ever finished Nano once. That novel is a train wreck and then some. I'm not even sure where to start with revising it for use. It will take so much work it would be easier to attempt to rewrite the whole thing, and just use bits 'n pieces. I've thought about that, and honestly the plot is so weak that at this point it just needs to sit on a shelf and percolate. It was a good idea at the time, but will not a novel make.
That brings me to Tanglewood. I have strong feelings about Tanglewood. I feel like it could be a really good story. If I can get out of my own way long enough to write it. I think the scope and idea of Tanglewood is soo much bigger than me that it scares me, and that's why I haven't really tried to write it. Let me clarify, I mean that part of me is probably scared Tanglewood will wind up like my last fully completed first draft novel, and that would be so horrible that I think it's what's keeping me from diving into the writing. Have you ever had a story idea that's so juicy, so good, that you're dying to play in that world, only to find out that you're just not cool enough for that bus? That's how I feel about Tanglewood.
I know I'm getting in my own way, and I feel like I should be writing Tanglewood, I'm just not sure how to get out of my own head long enough to make it happen.
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