Some quick ramblings from a tired mind

It`s 12:19 here and i`ve been trying to be asleep by around 1:16 so I will probably be logging off shortly after this and my mind and body are very much ready for bed. This post is gonna be very stream of consciousness no frills. Just with the frequently of which I`ve posted about my life, feeling lost in it. and wanting to get it together, in this blog felt I may as well give a quick short update of things may have seen mentioned elsewhere. Not like it really matters but


Things have been going on pretty much the same. Rolling through life haphazardly still feeling mostly unfulfilled you`r normal angstey crap. I was given an opportunity a really great opportunity that kinda fell apart and that sent me spiraling a bit. May have attributed to much hope of a ripple effect to that going well in my mind to the rest of my life that when it failed.. I was crushed. There`s also the fact that that series of events made my anxiety get pretty bad. That however does have a good end where I am currently trying to get back into therapy for that.

There`s been many stop starts start stops, really productive moments followed by depressive bouts and lethargy. Been a little rough, but think i`m getting to where I can really start working towards goals. Been trying to plan them out so there as clear as possible while not being to spefic that my mind can get tripped up in the little details. Also trying to not say to much about things in advance just work on what I need to work and let things show for themselves as they come together. For now my goals are the aforementioned therapy, working out/putting on some muscle, better health/nutrition in general, work of some sort, setting a better routine, and just general pulling things together. Also want to work on creative projects and teach myself like coding and better math skills.

When I want to achieve certain goals, I can get really anxious over not being productive every second of every day. This made things quite unbearable for me yesterday. Taking a mental health day today, and resting till about four when I started working on things and making pretty good progress helped alot. In both the mental health and proving a point to myself.

Been kinda flaky with myself, others, and projects something I want to change as well. Want to post n this blog more. Things with more polish than this will surley have.

We shall see.