Strongman John or How Zeke Click Was Relieved

Strongman John or How Zeke Click Was Relieved

Strongman John​

(Or How Zeke Click Was Relieved)​

We lived over there on Long Island, over behind Kingsport and my brother John was getting on up to where he could wander around the Island and about and take care of himself, reasonable.


He found a ol’ paddleball paddle; didn’t still have no rubber string and ball on it any more, just the paddle and he was walkin’ along, came to a mudpuddle and it was a whole bunch of them little blue butterflies flittin’ all around the sides of the puddle and lightin’ in the mud and John he wanted to see could he hit any of them with his paddle.


Came down with one smack and counted to see had he hit any of them and bedad he had swatted seven of them at one’st. He had a old woodburning set he’d got for Christmas and he went back to the house and burned a advertiz’ ment in his belt, said “Strongman John, killed seven all alone”.


Went on down the road, went on and went on, drekly came to where Ol’ Zeke Click had his bootleggin’ shack, up the at the end of the Island and walked on and Ol’ Zeke spotted him, says “Hey, Boy! You get on home, I don’t ‘low innerlopers up here!” Says, “Hold up a minute; what’s that advertiz’ ment say there on yore belt?” Says you done killed seven in one lick? You must be a real strongman to take on a gang like that!’ I reckon you could whip about anything, Boy”. John says, “Oh, I dunno. I guess I’ve done a few tricks, aw’right”.


Ol’ Zeke says, “John, you just might be the kind of a man I’m a lookin’ for. I got some

“outdoor cookin’ equip’ mint” over there across the Sluice up on Big Rock there and my men usually take care of it but they caint git to it because lately there’s this great big old wild hog, big as a grizzly bear, tearin’ around up in there, done killed two of my men, hurt some others and I caint get no product from my equip-mint because none of them will go back up in there. You go up there and get rid of that beast and I’ll pay you fifty dollars.”


Now, John and everybody else on the Island knowed what that equipment was for; it was moonshinin’ stills that Ol’ Zeke and his men operated.


But … anyway … John says, “Well, I guess I might try”.


Ol’ Zeke put John up on his horseback with him, took him across the sluice and up side Big Rock, put him off, says, “You hang around here by this equip-mint till that hog shows up; get shet of him and I’ll shore enough give you that fifty dollars.” With that, Ol’ Zeke rode off on his horse like a bolt.


John says to himself, “Fifty dollars sure would mean a lot to Mom and Dad and us kids but I think I’ll just figure out some safer way to make it.” Hid in a laurel thicket till Ol’ Zeke got out of sight. Thought he’d just sneak on around to Happy Hill Road and come back in on the other end of the Island and be shed of that ad-venture.


But before John could free himself from that thicket, he heard th’awfulest racket up by the Indian Cave and seemed like hit was comin’ his way so John squirmed out of that thicket and lit out for safety and here come the biggest hog ever was; wild hog … a wild boar, big as a grizzly bear; snortin’, tearin’ up the woods, knocking over stills, comin’ after John.


John ran for his life; hog a’gainin.


John spotted a old outside toilet … a outhouse. Door open; didn’t have a roof on it. John headed for it, ran in, clum up the wall and that ol’ hog chompin’ at John; got John’s shirt tail; tore a big piece out of it but John got on the top edge of a toilet wall. The hog was snortin’ and rootin’ at the inside toilet wall and John jumped down to the outside, ran around, shut the door on that pig and latched it solid. Propped the side walls solid with some timbers and determined the pig was trapped with no way out. Took on back toward Ol’ Zeke Click’s shack and found him sittin’ inside with a couple of his men.


Saw John.


“Well, Sir, John. Did you do any good with that wild hog up there?”


John says, “Well no, Mr. Click. I beat all over Big Rock and that mountain but I never saw no wild hog.”


Ol’ Zeke says,”Law me, Son. That wild hog takes out after ever’body goes up in there. You musta seen something!”


John says, “All I saw was this little oinky pig, just a shoat. Came snortin’ around me, follered me everywhere I went; kept taggin’ after me. Got playful … nippin’ at me, jumped up and bit a piece out of my shirt tail … made me real sore. I finally had enough; picked it up by its snout and its hind legs and throwed it in a old outhouse I found up there. Left it in there. I don’t think it’s anything you’d want but you and your men can go up there and look over into the outhouse and see if you have any interest in it.


So, Ol’ Zeke rode up there … still half scared to death. Got up on the toilet, looked over in it, seen hit was the same big wild boar that had been a usin’ up there on Big Rock. Blowed his horn bugle and signaled all his men to come up there. They brought their guns and shot and shot and shot and finally killed the beast. Skinned it out; cut it up; made enough pork to feed all their families, them that had families.


Ol’ Zeke found John back at the shanty; made it a hundred dollars; paid John off and John pulled on out to go home. Hundred dollars in his pocket.


Ol’ Zeke hollered at John, “Hold on a minute, John. You shore are a strong man. I’ve never seed such a hunter as you are. I’ve got another job for ye, if yore of any interest. They’s a big ol’ black bear, big thing … biggest beast … I ever seen. And it’s been usin’ up there on that other mountain side, where me and my boys keep some more equip-mints and cookers. Hit’s done killed four of my men and won’t none of them go back up there. I’ll pay you two hundred dollars if you can rid that mountain of that bear. Get it clean off the mountain. John says, “Well, I reckon I can give it a try.”


Click took John up on his horseback behind him and went over the mountain behind Big Rock and got to where some of his equip-mint could be seen off away over there and he pushed John off his horse and he lit out, lickety-split. Left John there with nothin’ but the clothes on his back and his advertise-mint belt on his waist.


John already had a hundred dollars in his pocket and back in the nineteen-fifties that was a bunch of money. Enough that he decided he didn’t want to get mixed up with any giant bear. And he started to run back around Big Rock to Happy Hill so he could just a-void any test or trouble.


Up there, there’s a cave that goes down into the field and under the flat earth to form a big cavern just below the surface. As John ran by the pit, this great big black bear heard him; waddled out, big as Babe. Big thing. Took out after John. Swatting at John. Big claws. All John could do was to climb up a wild cherry tree. Those trees have a shag bark. That old bear was right up the tree bitin’ at John. Hits big weight caused the bear to slip and fall such that he landed a’straddle a limb; all four legs hangin’ down; strugglin’ to recover. John took that belt off of his pants and strapped hit around the four legs of that ol’ bear and cinched hit up tight and hit was helpless to move. John got down.


Pulled on out, back to Zeke Click’s bootleg shack.


“What luck did you have this time, John?”


Says, “Why, Zeke, I didn’t see no big dangerous bear like you specified.”


“Now, that’s a curious thing to me, John. Nobody ever went up there but what that bear got ‘em. Knows when somebody is near hits cave.” “Did you see anything, John?”


“Nothin’ much. I seen a ol’ sheep dog, I guess. Wanted to follow me. I clum up a tree to get a look around and the ol’ dog tried to jump up with me. Got stuck on a limb. I fixed him up to where he wouldn’t fall so I might find hits owner and send him up there. But, I didn’t see no big bear like you talked about. Go up there with me and help me get the dog and you see if you recognize it.”


Zeke got a bunch of his men and they took a bunch of rifles and guns and John took them up where his animal was in the tree. They all got up there and seen it was the same big bear that had been a’stirrin’ trouble on the area and they got this big ol’ cage to hold him. Took a real strong cage. Aimed to just sell it to a zoo that could take care of it; that was the thought.


Ol’ Zeke Click, he paid John his two hundred and his boys strapped the bear better on that limb and cut the limb loose of the tree and with a bunch of them they got him in the cage for transport. All of them took off down the hill. Strongman John pulled on back to go home, his pockets bulging with cash.


Ol’ Zeke Click yelled John back to him, he said to John, says “Strongman, I ain’t never seen anybody to handle trouble-makin’ animals like you do. It’s a shore thing that you can beat about any test. I remember how ye killed seven one time in one whack. I do have another job for ye if you’ve a mind to take it.


Click says, “John, you know that the Christani-Cole Brothers Circus opened up in there at the American Legion Field yesterday? Well, they never let word get out because hit would have meant panic all over the Holston Valley but when they wuz a settin’ up they had a lion to escape out of the train car and get away into the sticks before they could catch it. The circus owners have quietly been circalatin’ word that they will pay five-thousand dollars for the safe capture and return of that beast before any harm happens. And some of my men swear they seen him up on Big Rock today. Strongman, you could catch him and we’ll split that money.


Well, anyway, that’s another story.


Over time, Strongman John’s adventures got him a whole bunch of dollars; pockets bustin’ out. John had enough money to buy his mother a bunch of purty clothes and he bought his daddy a big green truck; big truck. And, his daddy went into the trash haulin’ business, makin’ good money, all over Sullivan County, his customers liked him. And Strongman John rode shotgun and loaded even the heaviest of things and his daddy smoked Pall Malls.