Maybe numb is a better word. Yesterday's mass shooting didn't happen here in Puerto Rico, but it may as well have. It took place in one of Orlando's most popular, most frequented LGBT clubs on that club's most popular most frequented night: Latin Music Night. The club is typically packed on latino night and there's a line waiting to get in. The roster that is slowly being released of the people who died is almost exclusively filled with names like Gutierrez, Guerrero, Ocasio, Sotomayor, Santiago, Fuentes, Davila, etc. And Orlando's latin community is overwhelmingly a Puerto Rican community. My Facebook feed is strewn with people I know posting about the loved ones they lost, the family that is dead, the friends they will never see again. I know it didn't happen here, but it feels like it did.
I'm fed up of people and their opinions on my life. I don't think I can hear one more person who doesn't have a fucking clue what they are talking about, tell me their opinion that gay is a choice. I would never in a million years presume to tell a woman that I think I have a better idea of what womanhood is about than she does. I would find it unconscionable to inform a black person about his or her experience as a black person. I would never do these things, and not even because they would be offensive things to do, but because it would be completely illogical for me to do so. With no footing in real-world experience, how could I think to opine?
I'm really tired of this fight. I'm tired of feeling like I have to prove to anyone the autonomous validity of my existence. If you're reading this and thinking that I should have to, then fuck you.
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