How to write good dialogue

I finished the second draft of my first short story recently. I handed it out to some friends and family and got pretty positive remarks. I showed it to my girlfriend, who reads a lot and has taken a short story class before. She's of the opinion that my dialogue goes on too long and that I need to break it up with some action. I have plenty of beats in there (I don't go eight sentences without a little bit of action) but I don't like the idea of arbitrarily putting in description between every ten lines of dialogue. I read through it again and counted the lines of dialogue. I start with a paragraph of description, then one of interior monologue, then I go 15 lines of dialogue (with 4 beats) before I go back to a paragraph of action. Then I go back to 10 lines of dialogue (with 2 or three beats) before I go to another action paragraph.

This is the second time she's said this about a piece of my writing (once in a first chapter of a novel I wrote too). She said she loved both pieces, that it was just a piece of constructive criticism. I still find it frustrating because I feel writers like Ernest Hemingway and Scott Fitzgerald write extended dialogue scenes with minimal action/description and it's an okay way to write. But I'm accepting to change my ways if I'm in the wrong. I just want more opinions on the matter in case I'm trying to change my style and hurt my writing by chopping up my dialogue with more description. She also says that I need to break up my description with dialogue. That I get into two different mindsets and I go off on three or four paragraphs of action and description before I go back to dialogue and I need to mix them up a little. I think that might be good advice but again I'm not sure.

Another thing is that I've been reading a lot of Hemingway recently. As I'm an early writer I haven't really found my "voice" yet, so I'm still writing like a parody of whoever I'm reading. I used to write very poetic description (as most beginners do) but I tried to keep my description very stripped back and tried to do more interior monologue and description in line with my character. Just a little more insight into how I'm trying to write, in case this is a common problem.

So what do you guys think? Do I need to change my ways or is she advising me on her personal taste. I'm not sure if I want to post my story here, just because some time in the future, a few years, when I'm a better writer I might want to try and tone it up and make it publishable.

 

It's impossible for me to say without seeing/reading it ... it could just be her taste, or she could have a good point.

Have you asked the other friends and family who read it about this particular point to see if they noticed it? (It's great when people say it's great - but to get useful feedback you may need to be more specific about what you're asking them). There are great stories that are mostly dialogue, others with little - it's down to the style and the writer whether a particular instance works.

 

you can post a paragraph or so for review in the workshop if you want to get more constructive feedback, you can write for us something similar if you want to keep your story hidden.

It all depends on your writing long dialogues can be boring sometimes if it has nothing to do with the plot but so can also pointless long descriptions, so a balance is needed to keep the reader want more of both and continue reading

 

She is definitely advising you on her personal taste, because that's all anyone who ever reads your story can do. That doesn't mean you should ignore her opinion, though. If enough people think you have a problem, you probably have a problem, though that problem won't be 'you have 15 lines of dialogue'. Much like with advertising copy, a conversation between your characters can never be too long - it can just be too boring.

Don't just break up the conversation for the sake of it. Try to work out why she's finding the conversation tough going, and fix that.

 

Good advice guys thanks. I probably will post a little bit of it in the workshop to get more concrete feedback. I don't think it's that she necessarily finds it boring, I think she finds it too fast paced or too mechanical. I'm going to leave the story for ten days now without looking at it and start writing another few (first drafted) stories in the meantime. Maybe if I come back to it feeling more detached I'll get a better sense of what's right and wrong. My second draft was instantly after I wrote it, so I probably didn't leave it long enough yet.

 

Dialogue IS action.
That is why the rule is that the only purpose for dialogue is:
To pass information to the reader
To reveal character
And to, move the story forward.

Treating dialogue as action automatically keeps it within the bounds of the story; which allows you to maintain the dialogue for page after page without the reader feeling disconnected from the story --because after all the story is about people in a situation (or crisis) and people talk to one another.

 

Thats why i always say its best to leave some space between finishing the book(or chapter) and editing, as your memory is still too fresh from writing it and more often you will say "of course its good thats why i wrote it"

 

I understand how significant dialogue is to a story but as I write my memoir the dialogue is really minimal. (I am aware that there are very few memoirs with minimal dialogue....Stitches by David Small is one example) The Liar's Club by Mary Karr and The Tender Bar by J. R. Moehringer are just chock full of wonderful dialogue...J. R. Moehringer took a LOT of notes before writing his memoir. And I have heard that it's okay to fictionalize dialogue in memoirs but I just cannot seem to do it. I feel like it's lying and vey unethical. So what do I do? Rely heavily on descriptive aspects of my memories? Ultimately I would like the memoir written in fragments (chronologically of course) similar to Denise Levertov's Tesserae Any thoughts appreciated!

 

Personally, I love dialogue. I feel dialogue is the lifeblood of a story. Most of what you're writing is memories and they will probably be partial-truths anyways. Memory is a very unreliable thing.

I would shoot for both entertainment and the spirit of the life, not necessarily the exact letter of the life.

~ J. J.

 

ditto that...

 

I like dialogue, but only if it is effective. I wouldn't throw in dialogue just for the sake of dialogue, but I would use it where it is fitting.

However, I can see where a memoir might be light on dialogue.

 

You can fictionalise your memoir and create dialogue

Ooh, a memoir is difficult, when it comes to dialogue. You can't really put words in real people's mouths, can you, unless you're absolutely certain of exactly what they said. I would say you're right; be very wary of creating dialogue in a memoir.

But ...have you ever thought about fictionalising your memoir? Pretend it's a story about somebody else, a fictional character?

You can use your memories to re-create scenes which matter to you, but you'll also have the freedom to change your past if you want, to put words in people's mouths, and generally play around with events.

Some people say that it's 'theraputic' to write about your past, especially when it was bad and you want to exorcise demons. My own view is that it's only theraputic if you change the bad stuff. Otherwise you're just rehashing, same old same old.

So make up a few names, change the name of the town, then take that love affair that went wrong and make it come out right. (It's amazing the insight something like this will give you, on what actually went wrong!) Take that cruel mother you had, and give her to somebody else—then you can be the friend you wish you'd had, who helps the abused daughter win through. Send your character to college if you never managed to go yourself and always wanted to, and see where the experience gets them.

Obviously, if your life was fantastic and interesting, then a straight memoir without dialogue will be fine. But if it needs a boost of dialogue, and you're not happy about either recalling or creating specific things that were said, then make a piece of fiction out of it. That way you have total control, and you can make anything happen that you want to happen. Fun. And you still get to use your experiences for all they're worth.

 

My question to you all is how do you all come up with dialogue for your works? How do you make it seem believable? How do you incorporate accents of any kind?

I generally have conversations with myself becoming my characters and filling the part for them.

 

I don't have 'accents' per se being a Science Fiction writer, but there are aliens that don't speak normal language. What I do is something similar to Yoda and jumble up the words. It seems to be enough to keep people in the loop.

 

I have this checklist when I create dialogue
1.Is it cliche?
2. Is it believable?
3. Is it wordy?
4. Is it clear?

What I see people do too often with dialogue, is that they have their characters say something they know the other char knows. For example this would be bad dialogue

John:Jane! Where did you put the pencil that I always write with when I write?
Jane:It's in the living-room.
It would be better as

John:Jane! Where's my pencil?
Jane: In the living-room.

And I don't use accents because I know I would fail with them. As you write, you see your dialogue becomes more believable depending on how many words are used. Which is why I say you should use as few words as possible. Because when we talk, for the most part, we use as few words as possible. And of course, us writers get rid of the typical uhm's, likes, and stutters for the most part when we make dialogue.

 

Don't forget to add conflict! You should never have any dialogue without some conflict. It doesn't have to be the entire dialogue exchange, but at some point one character can be rubbed the wrong way by the other. Think about how they each see the world/current situation/each other differently, and then explore how those differences could cause conflict between them.

Also, a lot of real-life conversations are people too busy trying to say what they want to say and not really listening to the other character. I noticed that ALL of my characters were fully engaged in EVERY conversation, and went back to change that. (They're teens, too.)

That said, you don't want dialogue to get too real. There's like an uncanny valley when it comes to dialogue. Just as in robotics and CGI, the more realistic it gets, the more disturbing it comes across. Real dialogue is full of stuttering, misstarts, and redundancy that simply doesn't work on the page. Also, accents that are too realistic can be very distracting. (THAT said, it's not impossible. Train spotting is written entirely in a heavy scottish dialect. It's really jarring at first, but you get used to it after a few chapters and then I think it enhances the rest of the book).

Remember, stories are the illusion of truth, not actual truth.

 

Usually I write the dialogues very quickly, and only in a second moment I fix it. More or less as blackstar did it in his example.
Besides, in this second phase, I also think about the personality and the accent of the character who's speaking.

 

I usually make sure I'm alone in my room when I write dialogues because I like to read them out loud. If you can hear them you immediately notice when they don't sound right.

I also try to avoid using names over and over again;

Hi jane, how are you?
I'm fine, Emma, thanks for asking!
So Jane, can you tell me...

That's not what people would say in real life.

I often let my characters create the dialogue. I try to visualize the scene in my head and almost act it out. There is often a logical response, especially when you know your characters well. And like Funkybassmannick said; Don't forget conflict!

 

...i just put myself in the head of the character and write what s/he would say in that situation...

...by knowing how people of all sorts speak, from being a lifelong people-watcher/listener and making the dialog fit the situation...

...by informing the reader and with syntax and regional idioms, not weird spelling...

 

I always make sure there's a reason for why I'm adding that dialogue that helps. If you can a clear purpose, it's easier to make it realistic since you know what you're trying to get across. But if you're having trouble, read more novels and also listen to conversations around you and how people speak. (I'm not encouraging eavesdropping...I think)
I only use dialect or slang, never actual accents because it's annoying to read.

 

I like writing dialogue it comes to me easily, if it is any good I don't know for sure but I will find out when I let someone other then my husband read my work. Where I work I have short conversations with anywhere from 100-300 people in a shift and I find those interactions with strangers helps me when I am creating a voice for each character. I have one character in my current novel that is meant to make other people uneasy so when he speaks he uses the other characters names often, I did this because I found it makes me very uneasy when people use my name in conversation often. I suppose it doesn't hurt that I daydream about new characters a lot and have a lot of conversations in my head.

I personally have never tried to incorporate an accent, I know it wouldn't go over well.

 

I come up with dialogue when I want to show mood, personality, complex motivations, relationships and the like. Dialogue is more effective than narrative for this kind of character exposure/development.

Good dialogue is like an iceberg. About 90% should be below the surface. What is literally being said is very often the least important part. The choice of wording, whethe te parties are actually responding to what the other, and the choice of phrasing tells a great deal about what is going on between them. Consider a conversation between one person who wants to get married and one who wants nothing of the sort. Neither one may speak one word bout marriage or weddings, bu what is and is not said can still shout to the reader as to their agendas.

Read good dialogue, and watch for conversations of this type. There is no better way to learn.

 

Experience is the thing that always gets me through the dialogue process. Whether that is experience through reading other writers' creation of dialogue, or listening to everyday conversations (which is hardly difficult - just listening to your family and friends will do), it really helps when attempting to craft believable dialogue of acceptable length and pace.
A little more specifically, you need to think about what kind of culture, and then what kind of character. The speech is very different in a high fantasy novel than in the latest summer romance, or a contemporary crime thriller. Likewise, the octogenerian speaks differently from the teenager, the calm speaks differently from the aggravated, the happy speaks differently from the sad, the introvert speaks differently from the extrovert.

Normally, if you begin the dialogue with a good line, then the rest of it will follow in the same vein. Whenever you open a section of dialogue with a certain line, imagine someone is standing next to you while you're busily writing, taps you on the shoulder and speaks that line. If your first reaction is to turn around and punch them, then you need to review the line.

 

Listening to real conversations is important, but the goal is not to reproduce actual speech. The goal is to presnt the illusion of real speech.

Real speech is sloppy. In addition to hesitation sounds ("Ah, um, uh, like,..."), real speech contains poorly thought out sentences, backtracking, broken gammar that does not reflect the speaker's language skills, all kinds of artifacts that don't enhance written dialogue. Real conversations are unfocused and often tedious to listen to as a third, disinterested oarty. Read a transcript from a wiretap or a court record sometime. It is not particularly entertaining reading.

What you want to produce is dialogue that the reader believes is natural, but which is crafted to deliver information on multiple levels. Again, the literal content often takes a back seat to what is not said directly, the subtext.

Dialogue is difficult to master, practically an art form in itself.

 

Writing dialogue for me is the easiest part of writing, but I'll give you some tips:

1. Watching dialogue-heavy, critically-acclaimed movies or TV shows. A great example I always use is Pulp Fiction, by Quentin Tarantino. Around 90% of the movie is dialogue, and really great dialogue at that.

2. Listen to the way people talk. Go to a restaurant or department store or somewhere else where people talk a lot, and pay attention to the way they use certain words, trail off, change the subject, etc.

3. When all else fails, throw a couple of swear words into it. Works like a charm.