Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Write what how you're feeling. If you're sad and upset, portray your writing as such (that is until you feel better), if you're angry, write your story as such and so on. It's what I do a lot and it's a win-win. If it's good perhaps show it to others, maybe even attempt to publish it. If it's not, at least you got that stress and pain off your chest.

 

I'm back home for the summer after my first year of college, and I hate it.
I'm the kind of person who only knows how to work, and when I have nothing to work on, I get horribly depressed.
My jobhunt keeps turning up dead ends and calling places on the phone is paralyzing -- I can't do it. I just can't. When my depression is up, I just can't do things. I drove myself to the fabric store the other day, but I couldn't get out of the car. I was so infuriated with myself that I just started crying.
And when I start crying, I don't stop.
I missed my friends from college, and I missed my friends from high school -- who had found time to hang out with their friends from college but wouldn't take the time to arrange a "hey old best friend I haven't seen in four months!!" get together with me. I have a deep need to be needed, and I don't deal well with being replaced. Dammit, replacing people is my job! How dare someone replace me!

That's tongue-in-cheek, but I really am torn up about my friends not even making an attempt to see me in person. They are my entire world, and if they don't care about me anymore, I wish they would act like it instead of pretending that they do care.

 

Things change. Equating not making the time to see you with them no longer caring is a bit of a stretch, isn't it? The reason I'm saying this is that, if you were to ask for a show of hands, many of us reading your post have experienced the very same. We've all benched or been benched. We all have finite time and, as we go through life and make new acquaintances, older, less relevant friendships have to take a back seat. It is the only practical solution, otherwise you would continually live your life for others instead of for yourself. Your quip about being replaced is very telling. Of course you don't want to be that high school/childhood friend that fell by the wayside, none of us did, but look at it this way, once your own personal friend/time quota is filled, what will you do? Shut down your emotions and never allow yourself to feel anything for anyone new you might meet in the future? You are young and have only experienced the first wave. The next will come with settling down/marriage, the next when you have kids. And on and on. You are being replaced, but that's ok, so are they, maybe not by you, yet, but by someone, you can be sure. It's not personal. It's just life.

Some of my favourite friendships are the ones where, once every so often, our orbits collide. It's not intended, it just happens. I get to experience that wonderful rush of reminiscence, of remembering what we once meant to each other, and that feeling, that unquantifiable joy let's me know that time apart, no matter how long, does not diminish true friendship.

 

I wish someone had told me this years ago. Very beautifully said. Thank you!

 

Thank you for saying so. I think I've just hit that time of life where age has put so many of my youthful stresses into perspective and also made me realise how many of these commonalities we share. I was musing earlier today, if this is how I feel now, wonder how I'll feel if I last another 20 years. Maybe that intervening time will put my mid-life crisis into perspective. Better late than never, I guess.

 

I have no idea what it means when I start writing letters to people who don't exist.
All I can figure is it can't be healthy for my psyche. On the other hand at least I still
have a sense of humor. (My brain is falling apart or something.)

 

Why is that unhealthy? It's just your brain's way of expressing itself. Write on, brother. You could wind up with a gold-mine of material.

 

Just at the mention of writing 'letters to people who don't exist,' I have the sudden urge to do just that:

Dear Mr. Collywobble,

Whilst I'm all in favour of rehoming unwanted animals, did it ever cross your mind that keeping a utility breed in a multiple occupancy, high rise flat block wasn't your smartest idea? I can't so much as turn on a tap, nor flush the loo without old Shep barking a running commentary. I'd advise you to urge him to cease and desist, as the continued noise pollution is shredding my nerves and pushing me towards the very boundary of sanity. If you fail in this, rest assured there will be a nice piece of sirloin liberally laced with anti-freeze, primed and prepped for a guerrilla attack at a time of my choosing. And before you make that call to animal welfare, please note that I am, in fact, an animal lover, but that love of our furry friends does not extend to you. Are you aware that I can reach in through your kitchen window from my side of the balcony?

You have been warned.

Her (Yeah me!) next door.

(Ok...so he does exist, but writing this letter is better than the not-so-imaginary head butt he's likely to get next time I see him in the lift.)

 

@obsidian_cicatrix that was great. I came up with mine on a walk
earlier this afternoon. Then it kinda had a very small short story added
on to make it funnier. Though it is about misbehaving (nothing too bad)
and getting into a bit of trouble.

Spoiler: Dear Mistress...

Dear Mistress,



Firstly I would like to say how ravishing you look today. You are truly the most beautiful Mistress in the entire world. This will be here for you when you come home from your much deserved holiday, which I hope was most relaxing and pleasant.

However, by the time you find this letter writ in UV marker it will be too late to take it back, so onward I will write.

You think your all that and bag of cats, strutting around like a queen? Well then you will be happy to know this, your royal highness.

I have replaced your favorite crop with a foam bat. It seemed only fitting as that old leather rod was looking rather worn any way. Your cane was not looking to well either, so a pool noodle has taken up that role (and it is a lovely shade of green I might add). All of your little battery operated boyfriends have been reduced to manual status. I have a treasure map to the where abouts the treasure of your batteries might be. Replaced all your ropes with long licorice whips. Quite tricky to find a candy maker to make them in such lengths, but anything for you. And finally, your favorite silk panties. The white ones, with the intricate lace. You know the ones I mean. I coated them in chocolate, and it was quite the task of keeping them in a shape that would make them form to you, but I managed to do so. Figured you needed something to make you a little more sweeter on occasion.


Love…


”Ahem,” you clear your voice behind me.

Dropping the UV marker as I whirl on my heels to see you have returned.

“Hello and welcome home Mistress,” I address you with a sheepish grin kicking the marker under the sofa,” How long have you been back?”

“Dear Mistress, I do believe it was,” you say through a narrow gaze and a small cruel smile on your lips, arms crossing over your bountiful breasts.

“I was going to write a P-,” you cut me off, holding up your hand for me to silence.

“S, your ass in mine,” you finish the sentence with a sinister glint in your eyes, and I know I am at the mercy of your will. I gulp audibly, knowing it is going to be one hell of a long night. I really shouldn’t misbehave when you leave on holiday Mistress.

 

@Cave Troll

Now, now...such a bad submissive. Don't you know Mistresses (capital 'M', not taking any chances) come replete with a sixth sense that tells them when their charges are misbehaving? It'll be all press ups in porridge as you struggle to breathe, her six and a half inch stilettos boring into the back of your skull 'til your head resembles a bowling ball.

You're lucky she doesn't exist.

 

Well, stumbling on this thread again made me lament my history. I really do live a strange life.. Living alone without any acquaintances, family, friends or lovers is very strange, don't you think?

Anyway, I don't have a problem with having no friends but it's the lack of romance in my life that is difficult to deal with at times. Being a naturally introverted person with social anxiety is troubling.

If it was not for writing to sort of escape into and express ideas and concepts into then I would be like stone on the outside, living only in my head.

Also, you are all very talented traviesos that give me some good laughs here and there so I guess what I'm trying to say is... Thank you..

Writing could be some kind of good force against mental illness at times, especially to those who have so much going on in their head but so little to say; it's a good art.

Good night!

 

@Alex R. Encomienda -- if it makes you feel better, I'm also a naturally shy introvert with social anxiety.

 

I know.

 

I'm a killer whale who is also introverted and have social anxiety.

 

Ever wrestled with your inner demons and have to actually ask yourself why you should be kind and decent to people who pissed you off? Why you can't be as shitty, vindictive, spiteful, and mean-spirited as you can possibly be?

Yeah, that's where I'm at right now. There are certain people in my life that the "evil" part of me, let's just say... I want to shred down. The Catholic? Tell her God doesn't exist, it's all lies, and basically reduce her to tears. I want to tell those people I couldn't care less if their loved ones got sick, hurt, or died. One less redneck, Trump-loving Deep Southern spawn. Pah! Who cares about them? I wouldn't save them from an oncoming train even if I had all the time in the world!

At the same time...I'm disgusted with myself for having these thoughts. This isn't who I am, this isn't what I want to be. I hate myself for having these thoughts. Even if they are pricks, even if they legit wouldn't care if I keeled over dead in front of them ...I still don't want any of those bad things to happen to them...

I'm dehumanizing them! This is what I'm doing! I'm dehumanizing them, convincing myself that they are sub-humans. They're not like you and me. It's wrong, all wrong! Yet that part of me, whatever it is... it's slowly convincing me that they're not worth a single shred of my compassion and basic human decency. Why should I show this to those who wouldn't show it to me? After all, their God said, "Do unto others what you would have done unto you" so I'm just doing exactly that, right? Riiight??

Help me. I'm turning myself into a monster, and I hate it.

 

I just don't want to have these thoughts! D: They're not who I am, they disgust me!

 

It's hard to remember that. I internalize my thoughts and somehow that convinces me I'm a terrible person even though logically, I know I'm not because I would never do all the things I just listed.

 

@Link the Writer we all have those people that act like jakasses (jackassai?)
in our lives. While it would certainly be nice to give 'em a piece of your mind
and tell 'em off. Just ignore 'em. When it comes down to it they are being
jackasses for the sake of it. So don't let them drag you down to their level.
Remember people can say some pretty dumb things, and have very little
facts to back it up.

Not that you should ever jump on anyone shit for spewing it, but sometimes
you think about it. And that is perfectly normal. Take it easy and just let
idiots be idiots. It is their issue not yours.

It is office politics is all it is, and people act dumb about it.

On the other hand...

There are days you need an M203 Grenade Machine gun to solve your problems.

 

@Link the Writer

You're not a monster, you're just at the mercy of your brain's chemistry. You can't take credit for these thoughts any more than a woman with PMS can for hers, so stop beating yourself up over it. It's only natural when folks piss us off to go a bit OTT in our ruminations, it's our pressure release valve. Consider what human beings would be like without it.

 

Intrusive thoughts. It's a thing. It's a totally, totally normal thing. It doesn't mean you're the least bit bad.

 

What others have said. This is normal. As long as you don't act on them, you're good, you're just like the rest of us.

You're too hard on yourself sometimes, man. I suppose it's part and parcel of GED; sometimes we can't help our brain, but just know, this isn't turning you into a monster.