I wrote 290 words on an exercise in a writing group that I belong to below this message. I'm going to turn it in. I wrote it in two points of view, and I was wondering if I capture the voices of both main characters? Can you tell what time period they're both in? The exercise was only for three hundred words so I couldn't add much. I apologize for any grammar errors. I haven't been sleeping well, so I tend to make more mistakes. “Why can’t I go out there,” I asked, swatting at a big horse-fly. “Cause.” “Cause, why?” I glared at Grandma Rose, then lowered my eyes. Sometimes while Grandma Rose was still asleep, snoring in her bed like Gabriel blowing his horn, I head out to the edge of the woods. Once I thought I saw something or someone staring back at me. I hope I have this in the right forum. I apologize if I don't.
From this excerpt, no. I can't tell what time period they're from, but maybe that is because there isn't much here to go by. I wouldn't say the voice is bad here. It doesn't sound forced or stilted, and it reads natural. However, I don't think it really stands out. It doesn't say much about whatever character you are trying to create. But, again, maybe if I read more, I'd have more to go by. This is just what I got from the bit that you've posted.
Have to agree with Odile. When creating a character's voice you have to consider: -The time period they are in -The age of the character -Should also consider words they use [most of my characters voice comes clear with the words they chose to use the most] Right now you have some dialogue. With no personality. And could have been written to fit anywhere.
The above is called idiolect, fwiw. In any language there is often a variety of ways to express a given thought. We each tend to settle on a particular set of choices as our personal set, our idiolect. I agree with the rest, though, that this isn't enough of an excerpt to establish whether a character has a voice or not. Please note that in our forum longer excerpts need to be in the Writing Workshop area.
Since I write in first person I tend to like idiolect speech, merely so you can separate the characters from each other. By forming their own idiolect speech it allows the reader to conjure up a different voice for each character. As I tend not to write single MCs, but an Ensemble Cast. Yes in First Person. I know. I know weird.
Fresh rolled cigarette in my lips, I knew she was there in the door. Feeling her eyes on my back, placing a boot in the stirrup about to mount my horse. The hot wind blew across the plain tousling her dark hair in the late morning sun. Sure hated leaving the little missy like this, but I've been on the run a long time. Though some day I might pass back through, I think bringing a match to my smoke. I don't think I do old timey talk well. Though I tend to use a rather modern day speak for my Fiction and Sci-fi, minus the two trillion slang words that exist. But to try and guess a time period based on a tiny sample of dialogue is a bit of a task. If I had to guess on your dialogue alone maybe 1700-1800's, and I haven't the foggiest of where they are geographically.
Thanks, everyone! I appreciate the help. I will put the rest up in the workshop here as soon as I do a bit more tweaking.
