Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Depression will fucking get you man.

But most bipolars learn how to ride the rollarcoaster. My breakthrough was learning how to flick the switch myself; how to push myself back up into the manic side. I had good friends who dragged me out and forced me to have fun but sometimes that's all it takes, just getting out of the house and being with people who won't coddle you, who'll just make you laugh and make you joke back with them and ten seconds later you're full speed ahead. And that comes with its own problems, but it's better than trying to kill yourself.

In time you just learn to read yourself and figure out when you need to just fucking get out and do something and make yourself be happy. You can't do it all the time, but sometimes you can.

Treat it like it's a physical disability. When you can get out of your wheelchair then you need to get up and go do something, don't just let that your legs wither away. And when you get a sniff of the flip side, chase it. When you feel a spark of the engine revving up don't let that go. Chase it. Just let yourself go after it. Because while manic has it's problems it beats the shit out of slashing your wrists and I have the scars to prove it.

Don't let the depressive voice in your head rule you. Don't let it weigh you down. Sometimes it wins, but sometimes you can beat it. Don't ever surrender to it.

 

If you are not completely alone (no friends or partner, and live
in the middle of nowhere, you won't understand.)

Nothing says call in the death squad to get rid of all the happy
people that gladly shun you, just because it is easier than trying
to get too know you. (And no I am not advocating anything, just
upset and depressed because I am shunned).
Goes to show you that people are more social than I am, and I
am a bloody introvert. Which means that I will easily pass my
4 year anniversary of being alone since getting a divorce, and
moving back home, as there was nowhere else to go.
I know you don't understand, because you don't have either of
these problems, but I will talk about it anyway.
People are more anti-social than they were a while back, and it
is just insane. I would bother with suicide, but it won't change
anything, not that people would give a shit anyway. I am just
a little nobody that is just as easily forgotten and that is all.
I have jack shit, and no one to talk too about it. I have nothing
left inside me, and I don't care one way or another. I can't relate
to anyone, as I have nothing in common beyond being the same
species. Even then I am starting to have doubts considering how
things have been going for me.

Sorry to rant on about my shitty existence and I will shut up now.

 

I've built up a resistance to suicidal ideation. It's just not in me anymore, precisely because I don't let my guard down around it. I don't have any friends where I live, but sometimes I'm able to talk with my friends who live closest, about an hour away. Sometimes I'm able to fight my way to the shower and just soak for a while, and that helps.

Other times, I write poetry. That really helps, when I can just let everything burst onto the page.

 

@Sclavus That is awesome. I wish I could drive an hour and be with my
friend. But they live 2000+ miles away. I wish I could write poetry too,
but that is not easy for me, so Kudos.

 

Recently I've been having trouble dealing with it. It's like spiking up preventing me from doing things I know I would want to do. I backed out of meeting my roommates parents at a barbecue, I have a hard time telling people about projects I'm doing fearing critique, hell I can't even log on League of Legends because it's been months since I played and I'm worried about sucking too badly and getting flamed.

It's been hitting me hard recently. Anybody else dealing with anxiety have any tips to help me out here? I kinda need it

 

Hey man, I deal with this every so often. It's horrible and really does mess with your productivity.

My advice (assuming you haven't tried these already) is to do some cardio-based exercises (jogging is ideal), meditation and stay away from any junk food or processed garbage. Essentially what I'm getting at, is try to live as healthy a lifestyle as you can.

Wish you all the best

 

I have bipolar disorder and PTSD from child abuse, so I understand anxiety. Every now and again I get "spikes" like you describe. Usually, it means there's some kind of extraneous stress in life. For example, if I told someone I'd meet a deadline and I know I'm not going to, that screws me up. My stomach starts to do all kinds of fun things then, and my agitation kicks into high gear. You know the drill. What I try to do is make a written (or typed) list of what I'm worried about, then figure out what's stressing me out most. One by one, I start figuring out how I can eliminate those stresses.

You might be in such a bad spot you need to talk to somebody. If not your therapist, then a trusted friend or mentor. Just get it off your chest. Vent, cry, go a few rounds on a punching bag, do whatever you feel you can safely do to just get the stress off your back. I don't know what that is for you, just please keep it safe, whatever you do. Make sure you're at least trying to sleep and eat well, though trust me when I say I know what a pain that can be when you have anxiety.

When it comes to fearing what others will say, consider whether their opinion is going to matter 24 hours after they've spoken. Sure, it stings to get flamed or criticized in any fashion, but does it physically hurt? No. You don't have to respond. You don't have to feel bad because someone doesn't think well of you. When people give me crap, I've learned to stick up for myself. I don't (usually) get angry, I just know who I am, what I'm about, and I know I don't have to take crap. People who are going to give me grief are going to be ignored. If they want to get aggressive, I'll very calmly deal with that.

It takes practice, and the learning curve on it sucks. I don't know where you're at, mentally or emotionally, or if you've had therapy or what. That's your business, not mine. I just know it took me a while to learn how to deal with anxiety in healthy ways, but the effort was worth it. Remember that it can and will get better if you want it to. The fact you're reaching out for advice is a darn good start.

 

Speaking of anxiety, I'm having an attack right now because people who should be communicating their schedule to me aren't doing so. Consequently, the work I need to do for them may not get done in time if they get home early, and then they'll bitch at me for it. If I call them on their shit, then I don't get paid for two weeks of work.

Sometimes family sucks.

Edited to Add: Got in touch. Schedule clarified. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go home and have a heart attack."

 

I am just a loser, and nobody. So alone, it is like being in solitary.
IDK who to talk to, or if anyone even cares. Oh well every form
of society needs those people to look down upon and know their
life doesn't suck so much.

Great to be the communal loser I guess.

 

Thanks @Pauline

That is a cute little kitty.
Also I am somewhat flattered.

Might be my next Avatar pic.

 

It turns out my previous shrinks and professors were right -- journaling does help control anxiety and OCD. I was the nut they never cracked, though. Didn't matter if they were selling a miracle cure, because extrinsic motivation might as well be a hunk of shit to me. Even starting the medication didn't help convince me. Only after I learned the hard way, as I learn all things, that I'm the only one responsible for me -- the only one looking out for me -- did I realize I needed to couple the meds with an outlet that didn't blacken my lungs, or my memory. Now I blacken pages. To what degree of success? Dedication over time will tell, but I'll be a better person tomorrow than I am today simply by exposing my fears for what they are: words and images without power that try to scare me into submission with nothing but empty threats. If I fear my own mind, how can I possibly take on the world? Little notebook, bear my burdens so that I don't have to.

 

I have autism comorbid with manic-depression. I guess they're able to co-occur because they're happening in different centres of the brain? Don't remember.

Either way, it can be very annoying because my anti-social behavior - which is in no small part caused by the autism - stifles my ability to outwardly express my intense emotions and hides my violent mood swings from the people around me. As good as it might be for folks to not have to deal (too much) with my issues, I am left feeling very alone and misunderstood.

Having bipolar has its moments; mania can be a lot of fun if it isn't too intense. But it can be absolutely soul-crushing to go through a depressive phase and not know how to express your feelings and cry out for help. I tend to suffer alone, even when I'm going over the edge.

 

When you say your violent mood swings are hidden, do you mean you feel strong negative emotions/violent ideations, but people wouldn't be able to tell from looking at you?

 

Yes, I tend to be extremely reserved. The only people who really see it enough to say anything about it are those who become very close to me. Though my behavior may have caused suspicion to those outside of my circle of friends and family, and I just don't know about it.

What I mean by "violent" is that I can go up and down abnormally fast and feel things with great strength. Though on a side note, I do occasionally have violent ideations during fits of anger.

The severity of the ups and downs usually depends on what kind of phase I'm going through. If I'm in the middle of a depressive phase, a downward swing can make me suicidal, where a downward swing during a manic phase just makes me cry a lot. Alternatively, an upward swing during a depressive phase makes me feel above average, and can make me extremely reckless and elated during a manic phase. That's my experience, anyways.

 

I know that roller coaster all too well. Sometimes I have strong surges of emotion and mental imagery involving violence, but that doesn't mean I want to act on those emotions. I don't desire to harm others.

 

I have devoted myself to pacifism in order to live in peace and virtue. I believe that there is always an alternative to violence, and I concentrate every fiber of my being on self-control when I get such urges. The legacy I'd like to leave on the world after nature leaves me is one of goodwill and forgiveness. To succumb to such weakness, or to not forgive others for succumbing to it would be a contradiction to every conviction I hold dear.

I harbor a great love for those around me, and I'd have my way of living prove that to both them and to myself.

 

I had occupational health training today. At the end was a new module on mental health, since the company is trying to do more in that respect. It was interesting, and people talked about their experiences with mental health, and it felt really nice to talk openly about it.

In the discussion that followed, one woman started talking about how young people now "aren't nice to each other" and "aren't kind" and then said she doesn't like social media or email and wishes everybody would call instead of send emails. She said she ALWAYS tries to call instead of email. I said that a lot of people with anxiety in particular prefer to communicate via writing, and phone anxiety is REALLY common. She just looked at me blankly and ignored it.

So I guess supporting colleagues with mental health is fine until it means you actually have to make an effort to do something different...?

 

Two things:

1. Where do you work?

2. Are they hiring?

 

Something tells me that one of the qualifications is dodging
flying hot pots, pans, knives, and all manner of cooking utensils.
My advice invest in a full upper body plate armor suit with helmet.

 

Okay I officially think I’m losing it. I’ve never been this depressed in my life. I believe it’s stemming from PTSD from a sexual assault 3 months ago which brought up previous sexual assaults I’ve never fully dealt with.

I’m on medication. I’ve started therapy (5 weeks in; 3 weeks in with a therapist whose actually worth a damn).

I don’t know what has triggered me today but holy shit I don’t trust that this will ever end. I was once so driven and motivated and now I’m trying to convince myself to write out a daily schedule in hopes that will help. And I’m not talking about big to-do’s, I’m talking about something like this:

7am: wake up
7:03: brush teeth
7:05: take a shower

I feel like I’ve lost every aspect of the person I once knew.

You guys I really need help, but I’m doing everything “right” and I don’t know what else to do. I journal. I try, albeit unsuccessfully, to meditate. I try to implement self-care. I try to manage my anxiety. Christ - I’m on a stimulant typically used to treat ADHD for my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and even that isn’t doing shit to help me!

I even recently upped my dosage for my antidepressants, and it’s actually made a HUGE difference in my insomnia and difficulty waking up at a reasonable hour (my CFS used to have me literally sleeping until noon, then waking up, and going back to sleep at 3:00—my insomnia made it impossible to fall asleep before 2am-3am) and my Fibromyalgia (no more pain!) to the point that I was so excited it might be working.

But the depression ... this is why I know that my chronic illnesses are not “in my head.” I’ve never experienced this, even when, two years ago, every MD everywhere kept trying to tell me my CFS & Fibromyalgia might be due to anxiety & depression. Nope. THIS is depression, and nothing is helping it, and yet my physical symptoms have never been better.

I just ... feel like it’s hopeless right now.

 

In my darkest moments of doubt, pain, and frustration, I quote to myself these lines from John Milton's Poem, Paradise Lost.

"Long is the journey,
And hard, that out of Hell leads up to light."

-

What little peace that I can offer you, I hope these words provide.

-OJB

 

All you can do is push through the dark times, and hope you have plenty of matches.
Those days are like traversing a labyrinth and you have to find your way, no matter
how hard or terrifying. You just have to have the courage to make it to the other side.