IDK, I gave a lift to a couple for a last months Munch, and we did not know each other at all. Seems some people would rather just assume the worst of others around, or have had one to many bad exp. around men. I am not scary, nor imposing of stature or physique. In fact I am the male equiv. of 'Fun Size', and would rather just be seen as a slightly bony teddy bear.
This. I think that was the situation. I know it feels personal, DJ @Cave Troll, but it probably really isn't. I'm sure she would be that way with any guy. She maybe had a scary situation in her past that made her distrustful, or it could be something like, she was raised in a super-religious atmosphere where it wasn't OK to be alone with a guy, no matter how innocent the circumstances. My grandmother was like that, which led to a lot of awkward moments. And I know guys don't walk around thinking about this stuff, but culturally women have it ingrained in us to be a bit on guard of "stranger danger" to keep ourselves safe. What "stranger" means varies from woman to woman. It usually has nothing at all to do with the guy himself and isn't personal.
Or maybe she just doesn't like Cave Troll. Women are allowed to not like people. We don't have to accept every offer of help,
Fair enough - however i'd still say that the reason she didn't take you up on your lift is because she knows you are single and looking...
During the recent snow, despite there being a volunteer group of 4x4 drivers running shuttle service, my colleagues and I were still requested by a number of nurses, midwives, and support workers. The difference being that a snow angel in his 4x4 could be ted bundy (I bet most of them are perfectly nice guys but the women don't know that) wheras a council officer in a sign written 4x4 has an ID badge, is DBS'd (criminal record checked), and calls in to a third party on pick up and drop off and is generally official
Right! We don’t want to think badly of the kind people who volunteer, and I’m sure they probably are perfectly nice guys, but how the heck are we supposed to know if that guy who volunteered didn’t do so because he saw an opportunity to be the next Ted Bundy? And of course if something does happen, what’s the first thing everyone says? “She shouldn’t have accepted a ride from a stranger.”
That is one of the problems that women face. Because there's so much information out there to help women protect themselves, it can often lead to victim-blaming. "SHE shouldn't have done this", "Why didn't SHE do that?"
I went to that doctor appointment this morning and spent 15 minutes listening to her recommend a litany tests and medications I can’t pay for. Why should I quit a medication that has kept me stable for 10 years at $30 a month for one that may or may not help for $16,000 a month? When she pitched a new $4000 MRI I asked if she was buying- that shut her up for a bit.
I know they want the MRIs to track disease progression and all, but to what point? If things do advance there’s nothing that can be done about it, except hand me another bill. The available medications don’t treat the disease itself; only the symptoms, so altering medications only goes so far. Basically I’m in the back seat of a runaway car with no driver and I can’t get to the brake, and people keep telling me to try this or try that. (like fidgeting with the radio will help.)
No matter which side of the equation you’re on you have to be careful and protect yourself from all manner of assault; ass holes exist everywhere.
I don't face this problem often, but I get kind of uncomfortable when people - usually adults I don't know very well - talk about "When you get a boyfriend", "When you get married", "When you have kids", etc. I usually just say something like "I don't think that's going to happen", and it really nettles me when they reply "You never know" or "Just wait and see", because I want to tell them that I'm aromantic (a word my phone has autocorrected three times) because I think that that is something that one should be able to just say, but at the same time they probably wouldn't know what that meant and I don't want to open up a discussion about sexuality with every adult I meet.
Definitely - the reason we were calling in on pick up and drop off was as much to protect us as to protect our passengers (although really the main risk to either of us was from the conditions and other idiots driving unsuitable vehicles)
As I eat ice cream out of the carton, I have considered what you wrote. I think the interest was a one way deal, being from my end. Checked out the area with a bit of recon in toeing the water with a indirect approach. What came back was the equiv. of taking the old Spitfire for a 100% shoot down if I chose to fly it over a SAM site. As time progresses, and her FB posts being in wildly opposing thoughts and feelings in the pos/neg spectrum, indicates highly erratic behavior not conducive to wanting any rational person to pursue them further. So I will probably never have a clearly defined answer to offer, since it would be useless even bother finding out what that answer happens to be. So back to the quest for another to pursue, should I spot anything of interest that isn't already nailed down.
Not to kill your enthusiasm, but it might be the 'pursue' part of this whole thing that might be what's giving you grief.
Yeah that was what I meant earlier on - CT said originally he had no interest in this woman, hes now saying he'll look for another to pursue... if those were the vibes she was getting off him I am not surprised she declined to get into his vehicle. My inclination is that in general (pick up meat markets excepted) you get a far higher chance of success by treating the other sex (or same sex if you are inclined) like real actual people , not things for pursuit and capture
I had a friend in college who tried the if you ask ten girls you only get 9 noes thing, but missed the rather critical point that it helps if the ten girls concerned aren't sitting together
TBH, I've never been badgered about it. Like I said, it's people I've only met once or twice, usually my granny's friends and acquaintances. I think its more the system in which we live, really, which isn't their fault. My mum knows I'm aromantic, and I think she told my dad, because I think he knows and I don't remember telling him. I don't think I'll face too much badgering from my family, because my great-aunt isn't married. It just feels a bit sexist, and rather heteronormative (a word I'm surprised my phone knows) in the sort of way that people don't realise they're doing. It just annoys me that people assume I'm straight (and again, just a society that has a bot of changing to do, not their fault) and that there is a general assumption that all women want or will want kids/marriage/settling down and making a home. I mean, I've never seen any of these people make a comment like that to my brother.
Never mind... I won't even bother. Thanks for the 'pep talk'. Getting to know someone is kinda pointless. Thanks for your words of wisdom.
I suppose the modern equivalent of that is those conversations I see on the internet of a guy sending the same flirtatious message to a string of girls and all their pictures show up to the whole group. "Hey there, beautiful. " "You do realise I can see how many other girls you've sent this to, don't you?"
Yep. Maybe not very nice of me, but I've always figured people who were overly interested in my desire to remain single were bored with their own relationship so they did it to entertain themselves. It's annoying as fuck because I'm perfectly capable of making a decision about my marital status, just as they made a decision about theirs. It usually ends up with my trying to avoid them, because I will get no-holds-barred vicious with them about it if they persist, and I'd prefer to avoid that. I fucking hate gossipy people.
‘So, why don’t you step out here, Bug…show us Bug how you asked the lady, as you call her, tell us what you said to her?’ ‘I said would you like a ride home in my Tornado.’ ‘Your Tornado, huh? As I was saying to the boys in the brigade this morning, we gotta watch out for creeps offering rides to ladies. What did she say?’ ‘She said no thank you. That’s why I told you guys. I was sore a little. I wanted to get to know her, a pretty woman.’ ‘A pretty woman. Bug, I put it to you, you wanted to fuck her in the woods, fuck her in the ass in the woods. Isn’t that the truth!’ ‘I did like her…but no, of course not, just I…’ ‘You saying to all of us you wouldn’t fuck her in the woods?’ ‘I’d fuck anybody in the woods, frankly I…’ ‘My point exactly. You Bug are a woods wanker, you make me sick. People today need protection from predators. My predator patrol keeps these streets safe for women. If we see one I report her co-ordinates and she is escorted back to home territories. I’m thinking of standing for government. You with me, who is with me...? ‘Seig Heil, Seig Heil, Seig Heil…’ ‘Hang him, hang him high, string him up!’
Relax. Just because she said no today doesn't mean she won't let you be her free taxi driver tomorrow.
