The Not Happy Thread

I've musically painted myself into a corner with a new song, and don't know where to go from here. The only person I knew who I could talk to about it was the ex-boyfriend who became a stalker. It's made me really miss him, and being able to talk to someone about what I'm working on.

 

MASHER!!!!!!!!! we have discussed this.

 

I know, I'm not gonna do anything about it. I'm just saying I miss that aspect of our relationship. I've never been so creative, and now I don't know if I can do that on my own.

 

...I’m no composer, but... if you want a second opinion about it, I’m totally down. Sometimes, it’s good to get the opinion of an audience member every so often instead of just musicians, partly because it’s the audience who’s going to listen to it (haha no duh).

Edit: and, yeah, I agree with what Shenanigator said below. Stay strong

 

Yeah you can, Mash. I promise. It just doesn't feel like it right now, because you're in mourning in a way.

I get it. My Russian Roulette playing Ex was my writing partner at the time. I thought my creative life was over. Clearly, it wasn't. I thought I'd never find another person I could be creative with. I did...there were more opportunities, actually, because he wasn't in the way of them.

Another person doesn't make you creative. At best they can only help you tap into it. But once it's tapped, the creative well doesn't disappear.

Hang in there, Mash.

 

Sorry that you’re going through that, Moon. I wish words could do more than just offer advice or comfort. Regardless, I’m hoping the test comes back negative for you. And hey, doctors and tests aren’t correct 100% of the time. I have a friend who was misdiagnosed with vertigo once. While it doesn’t happen often, who knows? Even if it’s unlikely, it’s still possible your doctor read the signs wrong, maybe even because of the bias that comes with knowing it runs in your family. You never know. Keep your chin up and be safe. Oh! And here’s a hug

 

For me, pretty much everything about life sucks. February was a particularly dramatic month, the money is now so low that getting social security is a serious frustrating wait. It is basically feeling like it is impossible I will ever move out of where I am now and be happy or improve my life at all. It feels like I keep getting denied everything I've dreamt of/had ambitions for, and like I am stuck where I am like a prison. Having my own mother almost harm herself over feeling like she holds me back so much in February also hurts. Like really everything about my life now sucks. There is like, nothing interesting going on ever anymore.

But even then I will still wish everyone else to get happy and good lives soon! I hope it's not selfish of me to post this.

 

It's not selfish at all! It's what the thread was made for. Knock yourself out. Vent away.

 

I talked to my sister last night about everything, and she seems a little hopeful at least. She liked the idea of me renting a room in someone else’s place nearby and she said she’d be willing to help me with my list.

I also talked to her about getting a job to start saving up. While she was interested in one of the jobs I found for her, her grades this year were too low to even think about asking her school for a work permit. Fortunately I guess, she still has a job at the horseback riding place we work at -the permit expired a couple years back, but the school doesn’t know about it and our bosses don’t really care- so she said she’s gonna work all summer to save up as much as she can.

As for getting her help, she doesn’t really know what she wants -if she wants to talk to a therapist or something else- but she said she’d talk to me when she figures it out. This isn’t really a “not happy” post, but this is an update to my previous posts here. I feel a little better -baby steps are still steps.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not hoping that you have vertigo, but in a way I hope the test comes back positive because you know you have a real problem, but you don't know exactly what it is yet. Once the priests know the demon's True Name and pantheon, they can send you to the appropriate temple to formulate a plan for the exorcism, but until then, it's all just shots in the dark. There's nothing worse than an imp that will only go away when a light is shined in its general direction.

 

Ugh. I'm sorry you're going though that. I literally know how that feels. The good news is, if it's vertigo rather than a symptom of something else, there are some recent treatment breakthroughs that are pretty effective. Sending you good vibes, Moon.

 

I have a rather severe Not Happy that's hugely tempered by a Happy, but I don't want to bring down the happy thread, so.

I've had a Mysterious Health Problem that's steadily gotten worse over the course of about four years, and I finally got in to see a doctor about it, got a few tests done, and the diagnosis is currently lymphoma (possibly leukemia, but probably lymphoma). Oddly vindicating news, because from all the research I've done over the past few years, I thought that was probably the case. So what I've been dealing with for the past year and a half, two years or so, was, "I probably have lymphoma and there's nothing I can do about it" -- because no real job, no income, no health insurance. Kind of just waiting for things to get worse and to die, basically. Kept it to myself because I knew there was a good chance my family would want to pay out of pocket for me to get some sort of treatment, and the last thing I wanted was for my family to go broke only for me to probably die anyway (if not from cancer, then from depression).

BUT, the good news, the redeeming news that is the only reason I'm talking about it now, is that a nurse at my doctor's office took matters into her own hands and got in touch with this clinic that has a sponsorship program, and I was apparently accepted into it quite quickly (I'm assuming that's to do with my age and general good health, obvious aside). So ... I won't have to pay for treatment, or at least not nearly as much.

On the whole, it's good news, because I still have lymphoma, but now there's something I can do about it. I'm actually pretty happy about the diagnosis, even though it's objectively rather awful, because it came packaged with the only hope I've had in quite a while. It's hit my family and friends harder, which is understandable since they haven't had years to acclimate to the idea like I did, but I'll tell ya -- I am going to be annoyed if I end up having to emotionally support these people through my illness, which unfortunately seems likely considering the dynamic I have with a lot of them

 

Supportive like^^^

 

@izzybot Sending you and your family strength and hugs through this difficult time. X

 

My thoughts are with you @izzybot.

 

iz - I experienced this in my family too, I'm so glad you got help. Do whatever they tell you to do! It saved my grandmother's life! They may even get depression meds for you as part of treatment. Be sure to ask them.
All my best wishes.

 

Thanks dude. There’s definitely something to be said for getting (potential) audience feedback. It’s been really nice having another musician to talk to about it though. My favourite (/ least hated) of all my songs is the way it is because of the conversations I had with him about it. I am scared that I won’t be able to accomplish anything like that on my own

Thanks dude. I don’t think the well is completely dry. It’s just harder to get to the bottom of it on your own.

 

Some fucker stole my bike!

A neighbor called me up an said they saw someone just up an steal it. It's usually locked, but on the day when I forget - TEENAGE GANGS!

I'm heading down to see if they dumped it by the station or something, but my phone is dead and I'm not going down there alone

 

That really sucks. Hope you find your bike, and it is still in one piece.

 

Found it by the church... a bit smashed up but it works properly.

 

That sucks. Why steal it just to smash it up? I could almost forgive somebody stealing something because they wanted it or needed it. But stealing something just to destroy it? Bunch of c*nts. I remember years ago I grew sunflowers and had them in pots outside my house. They were over 6ft tall and they were beautiful. One morning I came out and they were gone. I assumed somebody liked them and stole them for themselves, which was shitty, but kind of understandable. But then I found it down the road, the pot smashed to bits, and the plant stomped to pieces. It was so mindless and pointless and cruel that it made me cry. I was a fully grown man, standing in the street crying over a sunflower. Sometimes people are just too cruel.

 

They probably fell and just left it. Hopefully they ended up looking worse than my bike

But yes, there is a lot of needlessly ruining things for the very sake of it. My parents had flowers cut (like by a scissor) to bits in their garden. Thing is my parents lives far out by and old cabin village where no-one from outside that two streets ever has a reason to go. So 98 % risk it was one of their neighbors who were unhappy for some reason. Because we just can't have pretty in this world, can we?

 

when it is too hot and sticky and the beach is miles away!!!

 

I dunno, I seem to get to have the pretty thing I want *kiss*

 

I have had my share of stolen and broken into bikes I no longer own a bike anymore.
I even watched the guy who stole my bike jump on it whilst it was parked outside the shop and took off . It was like a real life stunt!! the shop I was in had it on camera. I was more annoyed about the food and the drinks that I had bought left in the panier then the bike itself