The Not Happy Thread

It would bug me as well. I travel with a good luck charm, too: a little Troll figurine my Sis gave me. He lives permanently in a corner of my carryon so I don't accidentally leave him stranded somewhere. Before that I used to travel with a Kevin Smith dashboard Jesus as an inside joke, but it took up too much room.

Whoa...I just realized...Is Carryon Troll related to @Cave Troll ? The plot thickens...

Buy yourselves new good luck souvenirs to leave in your bags with good memories of your trip, Ash. It'll make you feel better.

 

Finally about to go home for a day off. While that's a good thing, this has been one of the hardest weeks in recent memory, and I'm both physically and emotionally drained. Probably didn't help that I started this week emotionally fatigued from my mental state's previous slip into the dark. I'll probably sleep this weekend away and hope for the best for next week.

 

I hope you get some good rest on your day(s) off, amigo.

 

This should go in the First World Whinging thread.

 

FFS. I’m sitting at a train station on my own on my way home from a night out, and out of nowhere I miss him. Yeah, the terrifying stalker ex. I can’t rationalise it in any way whatsoever. I’m just overcome with the feeling that he and I are supposed to be together. I thought I was over this. Fuck.

 

Dave was in ID4, on that Mac.

 

Though how realistic is an old laptop hacking into an advanced aliens computer
network?

 

It was the corallary(?) for the virus, from the original story, clevericle.

 

I’m gonna stop smearing my personal business on the internet.

 

Why? (genuinely curious)

 

I stubbed my toe. This event has caused me much anger and sadness. A deep depression may set in if the throbbing doesn't stop.

 

@Some Guy : Well, this probably counts as "smearing my personal business on the internet," but fuck it.

I played a great D&D session yesterday. I'm easily over-stimulated by social situations, and an hour after the game, I started having symptoms of an anxiety attack.

I'm playing Dungeon Master. My players tell me they're having a great time. They tell me their favorite parts. I've been playing D&D for ten years (ever since I was a kid). I watch videos on how to be a better Dungeon Master for fun. It's my absolute favorite hobby. But as soon as the game is over, I am obsessively consumed by thoughts like "I'm doing a hideous job," "I have no idea what I'm doing," "I am awkward and idiotic," "I am mean and awful," "I'm a bully and a jackass," and (everyone's favorite classic!) "My pals are only pretending to like me, because I'm a stupid, unlovable piece of shit."

I can tell those things aren't true. When I describe them out loud, they sound irrational. But (at the exact same time) I 100% believe they are true, even though I also objectively know they are false.

It's this weird double-think. I feel like a crazy person who knows they're crazy.

 

I hope you feel better.

 

I guess I just don't want to give people here the wrong impression.

Like... I'm a person with an anxiety disorder. But I'm also a functional adult with a good life. I'm not saying "pity me." I'm capable of walking on my own.

I feel like a person who was born missing a leg. Yup, I'm crippled. But I'll go get a new fucking leg. I'll fucking walk on my own. I'll go to physical therapy. I'll run a goddamn marathon if I want to.

Edit: I have successfully hyped myself up again and am "back to normal." Go me. I'm over here like, "FUCK IT. I'LL DO WHAT I WANT. I'LL BE A FUNCTIONAL ADULT IF I WANT TO." I'm gonna go garden and find a new map for D&D. Then do some housework and some writing.

 

Awwww @CoyoteKing I'm sorry to hear that. AND I sympathize. I know every one of those thoughts. Pretty much have them all about being a D&D player, too.

"My friends are just pretending to like me" is an insidious one for me. But lately I've had success with reminding myself that, when you really think about it, it seems like a lot of work to pretend to be friends with someone. I mean, I've never done that, have you? When I don't like someone I tend to just kind of keep my distance. Or if they're a really entrenched member of a group I'm in I tend to butt heads with them all the time. The point is I've never actively pretended to be someone's friend. Think about how much energy that would take, and for no real benefit. It's crazy. And the chances of a whole bunch of people doing it to someone--yeah right.

Anyway, even if you're feeling better now, and even if you know your anxious thoughts are wrong, and even if me saying it doesn't help, I'm STILL going to tell you I think you're a fabulous DM, because it's true!

 

@Dragon Turtle: thanks. That actually does help.

That thing you said the other day about me feeling abnormal and “other people feeling this way” helped too. I can’t remember how you phrased it.

There was some sort of mental exercise I used to use, and I finally remembered what it was. My therapist told me when I’m having repeated/compulsive irrational thoughts, to sit down and list three logical reasons they are not true.

I’m feeling a lot better.

 

Ugh, chemo brain. I shouldn't complain because I haven't had any achiness or mouth soreness for this round, but the general sluggishness, malaise, and discontentment is strong this time. I had intended to get some work done -- I just set all those writing goals -- but now I can't even pay attention to netflix for half an hour.

Maybe it'll clear up next week. Until then I am a pile of person in bed, staring disdainfully at a screen that fails to amuse me.

 

I hope you feel better.
Hang tough, and take it easy for a bit.

 

I know I’m late replying to this

But I just want to say that, like, this is the most accurate representation of D&D I’ve ever seen.

Cave troll, I think it’s very neat how you always try to cheer people up in this thread. I just want you to know that it’s noticed and appreciated.

 

Awareness is the best non-therapy weapon. My episodes have all the bells and whistles, difficulty breathing, tension across the chest, muscle spasms, adrenaline surges, and all the self doubt and loathig, and second guessing about self image to the point of desperation.

Consider this, Anxiety Disorder is a con-man, a thief. It's trigger based, and actually triggers before the episode. The brain resolves the anxiety to the current situation, and that's the con-man. The thief steals your energy and self-image. Once you know this, you expose the con-man, and catch the thief. Any intense or prolonged situation causes us stress, and may be a trigger. Give yourself a break after these situations, a cooldown, just like you do for physical training. We know it's gonna happen, so play chess with it, and prepare, to catch the thief. It's how I survive.

 

I try to do my best, cause I know you all would do the same for me.
And have in the past, so in kind, do kindness in return.

 

I know this doesn't even compare to what you're going through, but it's what I do when I have flu. I personify my symptoms - the fever, the sore muscles, the congestion... they are just the reaction of your immune system to the infection. So they are good. I visualise them actively attacking and destroying the infection. So even though it feels bad, it's a good thing, and you can learn to see it as a positive. Perhaps you could do the same. Every symptom of your chemo is a sign that your body is reacting as it is supposed to. Visualise the chemo shrinking and destroying your cancer! This is good! It's what will get you better