Damn kitten tried to kill me today. She was playing chicken with my feet while I was walking down the stairs and I fell down the last five or six steps. At least it wasn’t at the top of the stairs, but shit, my back hurts.
Folks, the recent politics has compelled me to say this: If you don’t want whatever it is you did as a teen coming back to haunt you when you’re an adult...DON’T FUCKING DO IT! I trust we are all capable of controlling our thoughts and actions? That is all.
This ought to keep ya in bed all night and prevent any nasty spills down the stairs. Also cuts out on those off days when you happen to fall out of bed. Hope the doc can help you get that treated.
Been feeling exhausted for weeks, and it's not getting any better. I don't think I'm sleeping properly. At least I have sedatives now, so I guess I'll be giving them a go tonight. I honestly don't remember the last time, if ever, I felt so exhausted for so long with no let up. That in itself is tiring!
I don't work Tuesday, but there's a mandatory meeting that night at 19:15. The means I'll drive 45 minutes one way for something that might only last 2 hours. Then I drive back home, probably to arrive after 22:00 and have to wake up at 04:00 to open.
I don't mind after hours meetings. I mind them on my day off when my travel time may exceed the time of the meeting. I'll use more gas than what I'm paid.
The wife just decided on a temporary(possibly) seperation to regain our independence and figure everything out. I'm taking this opportunity to return to writing and to take online college classes. It's rough. It actually came as a surprise to me.
Had a panic attack today. For so many years I thought I was fine, but I've felt something unraveling for about two months now. Since the attack was prompted by a cucumber*, I'm guessing I should find a way to relax and unwind, but it's practically impossible because Reasons, and that sucks. I don't like where this is going. Spoiler: *the story about the fucking cucumber that started it all Over here you have to weigh veggies before you take them to the cashier. I forgot cos I was on the phone while picking cucumbers. The cashier told me to go weigh it, otherwise I can't buy it. I run back, full aware there's already a long line waiting for this idiot to weigh her cucumber. The scale doesn't work. I'm already angry because the pharmacy had closed and I still have to get meds for hubby who'd completely run out, so I'm in a hurry to make it to another pharmacy before it closes too, except first I gotta deal with this fucking cucumber - which isn't even for me, but for his family. So I chuck the cucumber angrily on some random shelf and run back. The cashier is like, where's the cucumber. I'm like, left it there, the scale is broken. She goes, you understand what an unforgivable thing you did? Don't ever misplace products in our [huge-ass] supermarket! And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I understand (while thinking, someone's gonna go check that broken scale soon anyway, so they can return that cucumber to its rightful place then), and then, ashamed to the bone before my fellow supermarket goers, pay for the rest of the stupid groceries-that-aren't-even-for-me, and bam, I feel the fight/flight reaction kick in, the tunnel vision, eyes burning, breath catching - the works. Managed to calm down in my car thanks to a random Children of Bodom song that came on the radio.
Sorry to hear that. I suppose it's still a good thing you can focus on something productive, but I still hope you guys work things out.
i'm going to take a shot in the dark and say the cucumber isn't the real issue -its more the hurry to get vital meds and the stress that entails compounded by the clerk being an ass. Still speaking as someone who suffered/s from depression and anxiety I'd say see your doctor
This is going to be a long rant/ish type post, and I feel the need to apologize for that now. It seems like I've been stuffing things down/in, and I know from past experience that isn't good for me. I've had issues since I moved up to Michigan with a myriad of things. I thought I was moving up here to a job, only to realize I didn't actually have a job. I went through the motions until I found something to do, and freelanced where I could... Now though, I had to take a position that I hate, just to try to keep above water. I shouldn't be complaining, but I feel like I'm not doing what I should be. Now, even the thought of going into the office makes me physically ill. I'm not sure if it's the people I work with or the job. It's probably just a case of me over thinking it, or having too high a standard for myself, but it's very frustrating. My writing groups are also not going well. I'm not getting the critique that I feel like I need. I wonder if I should even be writing. Everything is just ... ugh.
Corbyn, you should be writing if you enjoy writing and if anything you write is liked by just one person then it's had a positive effect. As far as high standards go, you alone set what that standard is. As far as critique goes, it's important, but not as important as how you react to it. We can't expect everyone to like our work and bad reviews/critiques are par for the course. If you get a bad one, it doesn't mean it's back to the drawing board, it just means someone didn't like it. You may need to make a tweak, you may not, but you can go on tweaking until your dying day if you are seeking perfectionism. This on Amazon for Don Quixote One of the few books I didn't finish (got about 80 pages in). It is a very thick book and it didn't hold my interest enough for me to want to dedicate the time to it. I love reading the classics but this one just wasn't for me. And in comparison I read this book as a young man and it had a lasting effect on me. My advice is to get your work out there so that people can enjoy it
No, it wasn't the cucumber. The cucumber was the straw that broke the camel's back, or an early sign telling me that I'm slipping, and I should be careful 'cause I've burned out before and it wasn't fun.