Formatting: Limit of Chapter Length, and Can your First Chapter Exclude your #1 Character?

The first scene with Sarah could definitely be more interesting. Or shorter. Or both.

 

I agree with @ChickenFreak (as usual)... you don't want filler like this at the start of your story. It feels like you're trying to ease in, but a lot of readers will put the book down if they're not given something interesting pretty quickly. Even in the scenes with the dead body and the special people, nothing really snaps. I don't feel any threat to them, I don't feel as if this is anything but another day on the job.

Now, a threat isn't the only way to make things interesting... but there has to be something unusual. Something that tells us this is a story worth sticking around for.

And back to the multiple POV thing - you're essentially having to come up with the openings to a bunch of different stories, here, because we need to have something interesting happening for each POV. I don't think it will work to expect readers to stick around and read about someone having a mundane day just because something vaguely interesting happened in a different POV. Multiple POVs doesn't give you space to be boring with one (or more) POV... it means you have to catch the readers' interest for each character.

And maybe this is one of the times to follow @jannert 's idea to just write through and "fix" the beginning after you've got a first draft, because maybe this is the throat-clearing writing you need to do for yourself and when you've written the rest of the story it will be clear to you that this isn't where your story actually starts. That wouldn't work for me, but maybe it's what you need to do.

 

I was trying to convey in the scene where the 'special people' arrive, that despite their special knowledge, that this is still a rather mysterious and unusual (and there is the suggestion of it being particularly impactful too) case, but I guess that didn't work out. Do you think that could work if I rewrite the scene a little?
I am considering though I may just want to have this scene be backstory and not actually depict it because the timing means it needs to happen right away, but it gets in the way of establishing my MC.
Do you think it would be okay if I didn't try to establish these characters in the scene so it doesn't distract from my MC? Or perhaps I could do a smaller, more of a prologue scene with throwaway or side character to provide some of these details and establish the supernatural setting.

Fair enough.

I feel like enough is potentially up in the air right now, and I've written enough now to get a sense of things, that I'm not really comfortable just chugging along. I feel like being at least sure about some of these things. That way I can get things into more of a rhythm that I think is working.

 

Overall I think you may be trying to do too little with a scene, if that makes sense? Having an entire scene just to establish a character isn't a good use of space. You can establish characters while introducing plot and setting and theme and being generally entertaining. If you're going to have a scene dedicated just to characterization, I think that characterization needs to be off-the-charts interesting, and I'm not seeing that here.

Possibly you're not giving your readers enough credit? I think most readers will accept a bit of ambiguity at the beginning of a story as long as they have something to sink their teeth into. We don't need a full establishment of the supernatural setting, just a hint that there's something strange that we'll learn more about later. That can be done in half a line; you don't need a whole scene.

What's your story about? If you were going to give me a summary of your story in one sentence, what would that sentence be?

 

Well that wasn't really my goal.

I'm trying

I figured establishing that this was some kind of supernatural setting helped provide a hook of sorts that we want to see the MC delve into it, alongside the plot details alongside that. Hints of strangeness might not be as enticing, but I suppose people aren't really going to be reading this without knowing it's urban fantasy.

How a group of people are affected by the supernatural in their lives, how the cope, and change in response to it.
Or something like that.
Per this, Sarah's plotline is really important as the only one at the start who isn't already part of this world, so we get to see the before clearly and not later in backstory.

 

I feel like this is really vague, and fair enough, that may be because it's hard to summarize a whole book into one sentence, and/or because you don't want to give away your plot on the internet, but it MAY be because your plot isn't as strong as it could be?

If you were going to look at your favourite works of urban fantasy, how would you summarize them in one sentence?

Like, if I were going to summarize Magic Bites, I might say "Kate Daniels is caught between necromancers and shape shifters and has to solve a magical murder to keep the groups from going to war, and keeping herself alive," or something like that. I see her goal, I see the conflict, so I can say when the story starts. Moon Called might be something like "Coyote-shifter Mercy has to deal with werewolves, fae, and her own dark past in order to solve a kidnapping and save a little girl." Again, I've got the conflict in there, so I know what the story's about. I know how the plot structure will work.

Does that make sense?

Like, how will you know when your story is over? They're presumably going to keep being affected, coping, and changing for the rest of their lives, right? So what's the immediate conflict in this story that will be resolved by the end of the book? Keeping your attention on that conflict will probably help you structure the story in a tighter way.

 

Well, I do plan ideally to do several books. I really just like this story, and I have a lot of ideas.
Focusing on the first, I could refine it to, providing more specifics; "Sarah grapples with her emerging supernatural nature, forcing her to reexamine her place in the world, and bringing her closer to a dangerous power struggle"

The story here starts as the supernatural things start to happen to Sarah, the conflict arises as Sarah deals with the consequences of stepping outside her place in the world, and the story ends as Sarah is now settled into her new position. It's about changing her place.
In line with this:
For Jade the story starts as she realises she needs new purpose in her life, the conflict deals with Jade trying to help Sarah in finding her place, and the story ends with Jade now more fulfilled as part of the group. It's about finding her purpose.
For Alex the story starts as he thinks about taking the initiative, the conflicts deals with Alex stepping up and taking more responsibility, and ends up with Alex coming into his own. It's about growing within your role.

 

So... can you start the story with something supernatural happening to Sarah?

 

I have. As of that introduction, it's already begun. I could give more of an indication that something weird is happening though, but I feel like I shouldn't need to rely on the supernatural to make the story interesting so I still want to take my time with this and let it build up slowly.

 

Just wanted to say, I'm very grateful (and a little surprised) for all the feedback I've been getting on this thread. Given me a lot to think about.