Very stressed still, and I'm not really sure why. I hate this on edge feeling with a knot in my stomach that just won't leave.
We all go away. We have some influence how we leave this life, not do we leave it. Your fathers death warrant was signed the day his life begun. And so was mine. And so is yours. When my mother died about half a year ago I spend all the time beside her I could. It was hard but important time. If you can be there, then do. It will be hard. But will know the rest of your life that you was there and he was not alone.
I am so sorry. But it can be the kindest thing to do for him as well. If he's being kept alive artificially, when there isn't any real chance of actual recovery, that just prolonging the bad stuff. Has he indicated a preference himself?
Thanks. We've taken him off dialysis. He's stopped eating and now every breath takes all of his energy. He's delirious and it's difficult to tell how much he understands. All of our actions have been in accordance with his living will but that doesn't make it any easier.
And he's gone. End of an era. I'm feeling guilty that I'm feeling relieved. I'm also terribly sad. Oh what a bubbling couldron of contradictory emotions!
Yeah. It's no fun watching somebody suffer, and it can feel like a relief when they finally let go. But it is the end of an era, and he is your dad. It's a good idea to feel everything you're feeling now without stifling anything. Take care. All the best for the next wee while. And all the best to the rest of your family as well. I'm really sorry.
It's gonna be some kind of emotional roller coster for a while. Sorrow comes in waves. And last waves come so late you will not be able to recognise the reason fast. You'll find it out with a delay. Everything good to you.
^^^^This, @Mark Burton . Jann said it so perfectly, I can't add anything more, but the feeling is every bit there. Thinking of you and yours.
Thanks to everyone for your support. I'm constantly amazed that online forums like this one can be places to talk things out and get support. You're an amazing bunch of caring individuals. I'm not going to single everyone out individually as I'm scared I'll miss someone in my current mental state, but know your caring is well received and much appreciated.
Mrs A vetoed the idea of sending "Good Luck at Your New Job!" and "Enjoy Your Retirement!" cards to Their Majesties the Emperor and Emperor Emeritus. I even offered to make them Hello Kitty themed, to show how successfully I've assimilated. No dice.
Mrs A sounds like she's exactly the right Mrs to you. You should kiss her and give her a personalised thank you card. What kind of cards does she like?
I've had a couple of lyrics from Wonderwall by Oasis stuck in my head for a frikkin' week. Don't really like the song, but the last time I remember hearing it was at karaoke with a bunch of drunken Green Berets in the ville, so maybe this will help.
Well fuck, my anxiety is currently making me its bitch. Telling me no one likes me, I'm a waste of space, etc. Why did I decide to not drink until Friday? Maybe a beer or two would be OK?
Self-medication is usually not the best idea, and as I recall you've got a fairly low tolerance, might be best to hold off for a while.
Yeah, and honestly I'd rather not get into the habit of that. Just hate it when my brain tells me BS like this.