I really do like trains a bit so I thought after playing through Paper Mario TTYD that in the novel I'm writing, I want to have a scene where characters fight on a train. My first attempt of drafting it out is only 550 odd words long and part of me felt that it wasn't long or worse still, engaging enough. So I thought I'd seek some additional input here. Here is the jist of the scene/setting overall: - The novel takes place in a futuristic universe where FTL travel is possible but impractical for short distances. - The main character is a small (2ft 6in) robot who is travelling on the train, heading back home after retrieving a plot mcguffin - The antagonists here are combat androids who are inspired by Android 17 and 18 from DBZ except not as OP and want the plot mcguffin from him. - Neither of the characters here are armed. Just fists, speed and in the case of the combat androids, they can use DBZ styled teleporting/flash stepping/whatever you call it. - The type of train this takes place on is inspired by those Danish IC3 Diesel Multiple Units. - Also the train is empty outside of these characters and the driver up at front. - The way the fight currently ends is that fight progresses them to fighting on the roof and the antagonists get electrocuted by the overhead wires as the train rejoins the mainline. Any input would be appreciated and if you need more information about the setting, please don't hesitate to ask! Thanks.
I have read precious few fight scenes between robots on a train in the future so am drawing a blank on themes I can pull from them! In the "Fear the future" trilogy, there are many descriptions of hand to hand and weaponised fights between humanoid robots and augmented humans - some of which take place in enclosed spaces. Might be worth a read. Other than that I would suggest putting what you have written into one of the workshops so you can get specific advice.
Without being rude, I already have. But I got cold feet with the pacing/layout of it, so I thought I'd make a thread here. Okay, thanks for the recommendations. I'll look more into posting it into the workshop later on.
Length really isn't an issue as long as the scene advances the story as needed and interest the reader. However, if it isn't engaging, that's definitely a problem. As suggested above, the best approach is to post in the workshop area and receive critiques. You can even shoot me a PM when you do so as I'd be happy to provide some feedback.
What is the purpose of the scene in the context of the overall story? What does it need to do in terms of plot, characterization and structure (i.e. is it an intro scene, a big climax, something else entirely?)? The answers to those questions will guide your technical choices when it comes to writing it out.
Thanks for your offer. I'm going to be giving it a think over once I've made some more progress in other areas. Fortunately, I have a decent enough answer for that: The scene's purpose is to introduce the main antagonists and show the reader that they are as much of a threat unarmed as they are armed. I feel bad to admit that despite how important of a tip that is, it's something I tend to not think about and thus, slips my mind every once in a while!
Don't feel bad, I bet the vast majority of writers regularly forget guidance they already know when they are in the thick of writing. I know I do! It's hard to keep all the 'rules' in mind while still maintaining an organic flow in your work. Thank goodness we're allowed to edit, eh? In terms of your scene, you probably already know this but given the purpose you've outlined I would include a lot of detail around the antagonists, not just what they are doing but what the protagonist infers from that, and his feelings in that regard. E.g. if one antagonist vaults across carriages, protagonist might note the speed of movement and feel threatened. If he notes them working together seamlessly, he might infer that they have been a team for a long time and are likely all the more dangerous for it. And so on. That's what I would do, anyway. Good luck!
The only advice I think I can give is please, PLEASE take advantage of the fact that it's a train. TTYD kinda does this but kinda not. You mostly fight in one location (the roof of the train) and never move about the train or cause it to alter it's course etc. A scene like that might be a bit boring in writing. If you're struggling for ideas look it up on youtube and see what other creators do. There's very little shame in being inspired by other works. As long as you're not outright copying it.
