I dont know if this is the right place to ask this. I have a character who is listening to the whispers around her, which leads her into the first introduction of my second MC. Right now, I just have them in italics with quotations and no identifiers (my MC is looking down at the ground as she's listening, so she doesnt see who is saying what). adding "a man said with distaste" and "a woman quipped excitedly" seems a bit too clunky when attached to four strings of whispers..... "a man said..." "a woman said" and back and forth, back and forth. any suggestions?
I use square brackets and Italics for whispers or sound-effects and drop the [hey? I thought I...] overheard parts into other narration or dialogue. I have partial hearing though, so anything whispered seems like that to me: sort of fragmented and I can't 'tune in' to it.
No doubt because I read a lot of books that use italics to convey telepathic communication, I would not choose to use italics to suggest whispering. The problem is that I don't know what to suggest in lieu of that, and I can't think of any books I might have in which I can remember any whispering, so I can't look up how other authors may have handled it.
if it is a general susurration of whispers, does it matter who says what? Hammer overheard half murmured voices. 'He's such a loser...' 'No style whatsoever...' 'And he smells!' He hung his head in shame and wandered dejectedly towards the nearest bar.
Wot - you're saying I smell...??? (c: See what others think, but, to me, the non-attributed speech conveys the general murmuring nicely
Don’t know what to tell you on this one. You might try playing up showing the character straining to hear the whispers, and trying to make sense of the jumble- assuming it’s multiple whispers at the same time.
Maybe do the whispering in smaller text, or in a different font (and smaller). Or in light grey. Of course if you're making print versions I don't know if you can use a different ink color, possibly not.
I think this is the best way to it. Give your readers the credit for knowing when a person is whispering. By the way, Hammer, have you tried taking a shower?
If your character really overheard the whispers, chances are that they will arrive at the murmurings mid-sentence. Ellipses flanking sentences is the way to go (or only at the front, if they happen to hear the end of it). Hammer sat at the bar. A new wave of whispers could be heard. "...actually quite handsome..." "...and he's got a nice-looking turtleneck..." "...would bang him." He couldn't help but smile a little.
Typically, I use dialogue tags such as, "she whispered" or something more like.... John held his pointer digit up to his lips and said in a hushed tone, "..." Or since your MC does not know who is saying what you could try... (I/name) strained to overhear the conversation transpiring at the next table, catching only pieces. "...or at least that's what Troy told me, it all happened at Lover's Ridge last Saturday."
I would introduce the whispers with a tag at first while already using italics to condition the reader that "whispers are in italics from now, doh?" and then just continue with italics. Once more later or so I would let the character still hear "whispers" just to make sure the reader is totally on the board and then just keep italics and that's it. It should make perfect sense to me as a reader. Another trick would be them saying something unique. Remember "my precious" from hobbit?
I don't know if I've already asked this (a quick search on my end didn't pull up anything but I could have sworn I asked something similar.... apologies if I have!) How do you handle writing people whispering? I have a character who is walking through a crowd and is tuning in to the whispers of what people are saying around her. They'd have no descriptors because she doesn't know who is saying what.... would it just be a block of italicized text? would they have quotes or no quotes? Mod Edit - I have merged this thread with the original
I'd probably just put a bunch of lines in quotes with ellipses as has been suggested but I think the most important thing is to make it clear through context. This may be hard to do without using filter words like 'she heard', etc. I think using ellispes will help emphasis the low volume, mainly because whispers are usually slow, but I don't know if this is common. I read Dune last year (and no, it wasn't because of the movie) and I remember there was at least one passage like this with multiple, unidentified people speaking, but they weren't whispering. I thought it used the ellipsis too, but the one passage I found (I use a highlighter a lot) was different, and included the individual lines in one paragraph without indentation to indicate it's a group of different people (at least 2-3 speakers but probably 5-6 among a much larger group). There is one paragraph with 3 lines of dialogue, and another with 5 lines, none are indented. This is a scene where the last group of miners/soldiers loyal to House Atreides arrive on the desert planet Arrakis, just before the Duke enters to inspect/greet them: They carried their spacebags over their shoulders, shouting and roistering like students returning from vacation. "Hey! Feel that under your dogs? That's gravity man!" "How many G's does this place pull? Feel's heavy" "Nine-tenths of a G by the book." The crossfire of thrown words filled the big room. "Did you get a good look at this hole on the way down? Where's all the loot this place's supposed to have?" "The Harkonnens took it with 'em." "Me for a hot shower and a soft bed!" "Haven't you heard, stupid? No showers down here. You scrub your ass with sand!" "Hey! Can it! The Duke!" The Duke stepped out of the stair entry into the suddenly silent room.
I don't think there's really much of a way to get around stating that something is whispered. Not every reader will pick up on the tricks with fonts or formatting. I know I would have a hard time knowing it was to imply whispering. But I don't think coming right out and saying it is a bad thing. That would seem more seamless to be than a more gimmicky alternative.