I literally joined this forum to get help with my writing, I've only really asked one question so far. Every time I go to ask a question I realize, "Oh, wait. I DO know what to do here." More funny than annoying but still.
But even if you are "right," there's usually more than one answer, certainly more than one perspective on every question. Trust me on that. You might get an unexpected answer.
That's right. Writing is not mathematics. There isn't one "right" answer or one "right" way to write. There are, however, many wrong ways to write -- and also many wrong ways to wright, many wrong ways to rite, and many wrong ways to right. Wait. Scratch that last one.
Tempted to respond, "there are no dumb questions," but that may not be technically true. Let's just say there is no (okay, very little) judgment here, and most writing questions relate to experience or perspective, not any absolute answer. Caveat: there might be some dumb answers. Ask away.
Correction: there are many, many, many dumb questions. But I don't think Starcatcher will ask any. One of my friends worked in a restaurant for years, and he has heard some extremely dumb questions. Below are some of the best/worst, along with what I would probably say to these Emmy-award winners: * (on Steak Night) "Don't ask me what I'd like! I want MEAT! LOTS OF IT!! COOKED!!!" (Personally, I'd bring it to him so well done that it'd be like shoe leather. What? He did say "cooked" -Ed.) * "Where's your toilet that only aliens use?" (Over there, with the life-sized statue of Leonard Nimoy -Ed.) * "Can you give me, like, a liter of ham?" (Would you like a kilo of Coke to go with it? -Ed.) * "I want an upside-down beer that won't spill out! EVER!!!" (Sir, please allow me to introduce our friend, Mister Physics -Ed.) * And the all-time winner: "Do you have any diet water?" (Sure! Would you also like some vegan pork and calorie-free ice-cream? -Ed.) ... And now you know why I don't want to work in hospitality.
Wife is down for 6 to 8 weeks with foot surgery. Nothing major, but she can't do anything. Like, literally nothing but hobble to and from the bathroom on crutches. I was anticipating needing to provide meals, pick up meds, assist with the protective shower sleeve for the bathing, etc. No problem. Buuuut what I didn't anticipate was all the other shit she can't do. Weeding the garden, shopping for stuff, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, letting the dog out, and so on. It's a LOT of stuff. We've always split the domestic stuff evenly. She cooks, I cook. She cleans, I clean. She shops, I shop. Even Steven, with one of us picking up more when the other gets bogged down at work, gets sick, needs a mental health day, etc. Now? Homer needs to be Johnny on the spot... and it's a lot of stuff. Like, the yard needs to he mulched, and that's 40 bags of heavy ass shit. The summer/winter clothing switcheroo needs to be executed. The dog needs his teeth brushed, and while I'm a man of industry and ingenuity, how the hell to you get a 6.5# Yorkie to sit still for 5 minutes? Let alone allow me to navigate his mouth with... wait for it... beef flavored toothpaste? Jesus, I need help. Send the WF rescue chopper, please!
In February/March, I was down following foot surgery and have only recently recovered enough to live a normal existence. Please give your wife a big sympathetic hug from a sister gimp. Here's a big hug for you, too. Our experience taught us to set priorities and let some normal tasks slide. Leftovers are your friend. The world will not end if the time between cleaning tasks is stretched out. Hire a starving college botany major/the kid next door for a weekend to help get the yard in shape. When friends offer to help, accept the offer and ask them to pick up the milk or medication. Can you hand the Yorkie and the toothpaste to your wife? Brushing dog teeth is a sitting task. Embrace small blessings. We don't have a walk-in shower. After helping me get onto the shower chair (which only fit in the tub sideways), my dear husband climbed into the other end of the tub and helped me wash my hair. Gave a whole new meaning to taking a shower together, lemme tell ya. He also installed a shower head extension to facilitate the job. To quote one of my doctors: someday this will be nothing more than a blip on the radar of your life. Hold that thought, because it helps. So do regular sips of single malt Scotch whisky.
Limited closet space is the sticky wicket. Pants get swapped out for shorts. Long sleeves get swapped out for short sleeves. Boots and heavy sneakers get swapped for sandals and flip flops. Never mind the garage reconfiguration where the snow blowers, shovels, ice melt, cramp-ons and shit move from the accessible corner to the less-than-accessible corner, exchanged for lawn mowers, wee-whackers, drop spreaders, garden tools, and other shit. Coats grade along a spectrum here. Not sure where you live, but we get a solid 80 degree temperature swing between the seasons. Many, many, variations of coats/sweatshirts/outerwear that need to be factored. And I'm a male minimalist. Toss in a female not-minimalist, and that's a Q factor of 3!
Ah, the local winter/summer clothing changeout requires a delicate balance and a crystal ball. Last year, our temps ranged from -35 to +104. Heck, just this week they've ranged from 33 to 82. We can't do a complete change out to summer clothing because even July 4th could drop to freezing if we happen to be in the mountains for the day. It's pretty safe to stow all summer clothing before the end of September, but then one needs transitional clothing that is neither summer nor winter. Tsk. Challenges everywhere. (I looked up Q factor and still don't understand it. "...the quality factor or Q factor is a dimensionless parameter that describes how underdamped an oscillator or resonator is." Are you the underdamped resonator or is it your wife?)
Need to change my phone. Old one's battery is getting shoddy. Bought a Zenfone 8 at a bargain price. So why am I posting in things that annoy me but shouldn't? Well it's another expense that I have to deal with in a time where I have said I want to cut down on expenses. Also, in Sweden, we have this identification system that pretty much handles your every day life, and it works from the phone. You do your banking and everything through that id system. So, I need to activate this identity system on the new phone, which I have no idea how to do, but will figure out, hopefully. And I need to move over ALL my notes and information and shit. I hate getting new phones. I wish they would be heirlooms that could last for ten thousand generations like in my stories.
In retrospect I just don't go outside enough to warrant the gear diversity. We get that heatwave followed by lots of fire around late April or early May every year and I just give up on the outdoors until temperate September. Or when I absolutely have to go outside, I prioritize covering my skin rather than exposing it. Last time I had to work out in the sun (last week) I wore a lab coat and fishing hat. Looked like a dumbass. Also it sounds like you really work your lawn. I'm picturing golf green, without all the dandelions or other various weeds.
Haha. I wish. Losing battle with the city soil in my neighborhood. And I'm seeing new weeds this year, hard stalks like thistle, invasive as hell. But if gives me something to do outside.
Weeds: nature's way of saying, "*&^% you and the weed whacker you rode in on." Am I allowed to say *&^% here? Just in case not, I'll skillfully disguise it.
i did yard work in high school for an old man with a very green thumb, and the weed he had the most trouble with was wild garlic. I think that over fifty years he had altered his soil so much that it became something a little unnatural. i also worked for a horticulture professor whose speciality was turf, but he had kind of a shitty lawn the same as everybody else. in the home of the cobbler the children go without shoes.
I had the lawn replaced when we bought the house 4 years ago. It was nothing but a dirt patch then. Looked great for two years. Now, good but not so great, though I religiously maintain it. Losing battle, like I said. The whole neighborhood, really. There's a lady down the street who's really into it and gave me chapter and verse about the alkalinity content of our particular area and how's it evolved over the decades. She was also telling me how if one house doesn't keep up with their weeds, their seeds/pollen/semen blow into the next yard, and then the next yard, etc.
researching on the internet.... I'm trying to put a name to the trees I saw on my trip, but Google keeps showing me leaves and flowers. Like no! I need a picture of the ACTUAL tree. when I searched Michigan Trees, it gives me a list of the most common. I found the University of Michigan "Identifying Trees of Michigan" guide, but again, it gives me leaves. -sighs- I may just have to wait til I go back to work tomorrow and then checkout one of the encyclopedias. again, I need a picture of the entire tree, not leaves. I wasn't close enough to see what the leaves look like, but I know one group of trees looked like its limbs were melting (im pretty sure it was some kind of conifer), and another tree had super tall, thin, and straight trunks with the branches spreading out at the top. I thought it was some kind of aspen, but aspen trunks are grey/white. these were not I'll keep searching... but i'd take a book to computer any day...
